A Meat-Stealing, Advice-Ridden, Vomitus O-Rama

The ever-vigilant Mr. Snitch recently noticed an interesting story about a New Jersey man stealing $100 worth of meat by stuffing it down his pants. This is not a phenomenon restricted to the Garden State. I happen to know on good authority that our local ValuMart (here in sunny Wortley Village), has suffered the same indignity of pant-stuffing meat-lifters. They are easily apprehended because most men are not adept at running with large pieces of beef slapping around in their pants. (Present company excepted, I’m sure.) However, Mr. Snitch then goes on to ask the obvious question: what happens to the meat afterwards? Is there a discount for “slightly used meat”, or do the police hold onto it, so to speak, pending trial?

The verdict is in on The Dark Knight (it’s the feel-good movie of the year), but until I read this Compendium of Killing Jokes, I thought it was supposed to be laughing AT The Joker, not WITH him .

While we’re on the topic of movies, you’ll want to run right out and get some of the Exclusive X-Files Merchandise available from NeonBubble. I can hardly wait until my David Duchovny’s The X-Files: I Want To Beekeep kit arrives, but I’m a little anxious about what the “8-inch hive tool” is for.

I’m not nearly as concerned about the delightful brain of the historian Rob MacDougall; it’s recently applied its wattage to a trio of world-building exercises of the steampunk variety. I especially liked “The Kinematrix Has You”.

What can Brown do for you? Well, it can help you if you’re caught short, but only if you’re a damn fast folder.

Mean Ol’ Meany has more advice for everyone on how to avoid other kinds of intestinal distress, though nothing to cope with the kind of idiocy in the clip below, which is reminiscent of my last peyote bender. (Warning: This Family Guy segment may make you feel a bit squingy.)

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Once you’ve recovered from that, you may want to learn How to be #1 on Humor-Blogs.com. Advice from LOBO, who’s deranged blog is a constant worry to the authorities. (Incidentally, The Skwib was once #1 on Humor-Blogs.com, but that was before the new voting thingy. You can help The Skwib crawl its way back on the leaderboard by signing up for an account and voting here. Don’t make me get the ipecac! )

Did any of that unhinge you slightly? Well then perhaps you’re ready for the Carnival of the Insanities now.

You’ll find more meaty links many a funny blog at Alltop as well.

5 thoughts on “A Meat-Stealing, Advice-Ridden, Vomitus O-Rama

  1. How come typos are invisible until AFTER you post your comment?

    Oh heck … it’s not the 1st time I had no idea what I was writing ..

  2. There are a number of reasons why, but mostly, I blame Murphy’s Law and the specific corollaries:

    Maddox’s Second Law:
    Reviewers who are best placed to understand an author’s work are the least likely to draw attention to its achievements, but are prolific sources of minor criticism, especially the identification of typos.

    Law of Email:
    Typos will not be spotted until you are in the act of pressing the “send” button.

    Lyon’s Law of Typos:
    On your first glance at a newly typeset document, you will immediately discover an error you missed while editing.

  3. I am still waiting for my X-files brand Sasquatch Farm. It cost me over three thousand dollars in shipping alone.

    I hope they didn’t eat the UPS man. Again.

  4. “However, Mr. Snitch then goes on to ask the obvious question: what happens to the meat afterwards?”

    Van Camps pork and beans?

    That kid still freaks me out.