The Best Levitation Belt

from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog

The Best Levitation BeltThis levitation belt earned The Best rating from the Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven Institute because it was the easiest to put on and operate while falling from a building.

48 out of 49 of our tests were successful, and only one of our Testing Drones was killed during the extensive investigation into this levitation belt. A levitation belt industry expert described The Bests model’s inertial dampening as “great and most dampening by far” because it was able to dampen terminal velocity to gravely injuring velocity with enough alacrity to save 48 Testing Drones from “street pizzafication”.

The Best Levitation Belt is also capable of actual levitation, if the inertial dampening dial is turned to “full” and the wearer jumps up in the air. The Best model can allow wearers to levitate for several minutes, or prevent certain death from a single fall from up to a 20-story building. It is highly recommended that the batteries are recharged after such use. Sizes: XS-XL. (Not recommended for larger sizes.)

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cover for Clown Apocalypse

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Alltop is terrified of street pizzafication. This story appears in my collection, Pirate Therapy and Other Cures.

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