LONDON, Ontario (The Skwib) — It started like any normal day, but after winning in Tim Horton’s “roll up the rim” contest, Neddie Bubbin’s life will never be the same.
“I just can’t believe it,” Bubbin told The Skwib, after we were contact by his newly hired publicist. “I’m literally insane with joy!”
Bubbin, who used to work as an indentured cubicle troll, has quit his job and is planning a life of glamour. To show that there was no going back, he bought a top hat and a nicely tailored tuxedo. He also told his boss that he could “defenestrate himself with a turkey baster.”
“I somehow knew this was meant to be,” he said, “I mean, deep down, I just knew.”
He did not explain how he would support himself after he’d drunk his free coffee, but he was so excited, we just didn’t have the heart to ask.
(We couldn’t tell him what “defenestrate” actuall means, either.)