Ask General Kang: Do you have a profile on Facebook?

Ask General KangAbsolutely! You can’t take over a planet without a few friends.

I like the way that Facebook allows me to be connected the minutia of my friends’ lives. This is why I’m so fond of the “status update,” which allows you to reveal your innermost thoughts and emotional states, as they happen. For example, when I’m feeling enraged at my lack of minions, I can type: “General Kang is making toast.”

When I thirst for world domination, I can type: “General Kang can’t sleep.”

Sometimes, I just feel like I need my friends to say something to me, in which case, I write: “General Kang just can’t take it anymore.” (That usually works.)

I have two main issues with Facebook at the moment. Something has gone horribly awry in its advertising algorithm, and it seems to think I’m a 80-year-old Ukrainian man interested in meeting hot babes. That and the way that poking has fallen out of favor. (Perhaps these are related issues?)

Speaking of minions, you should join my page “Neecknaw Forever.” (If you’re a member you will not be subject to the same intensity of invasive probing when my space armada arrives.)

I’m also working on an app that will allow you do describe how you would fit in with a society ruled by ├╝ber-chimps and gorilloids wearing fezes.

Next time: Is the universe filled with cheesy gifs and questionable black and white photos, or is it just Tumblr?

Alltop is filled with funny.

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