Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner

Bratwurstmeisterschaft finds weiner

According to Annanova, the world’s first chocolate sausage has won the annual “sausage championships” in Berlin.

The winner of the title, Bratwurstmeister! [exclamation point is mine], is Joerg Staroske who says the delicacy tastes “surprisingly different.” Really? A sausage made of chocolate tastes “different”?

Too many jokes . . . head . . . caving in . . .


Brain föd

Zombies everywhere will be excited to learn that humans have discovered eleven ways to improve their brains.

Though these new brain-boosting regimes will result in bigger, meatier, more satisfying human brains, zombies should know that these bigger brains will make it more difficult to catch their cranial chow.

Here are a few suggestions to deal with the problem:

Smart drugs — though humans are using smart drugs such as modafinil to increase their brain power, they are still susceptible to traditional “dumb” drugs. The easiest way to satisfy your cravings for brain? Find humans looking to satisfy their munchies after an evening of drinking pilsner or smoking weed. You will find them much easier to catch (particularly important if you suffer from (creeping zombie syndrome).

Sleep — sleep is every zombie’s friend. Not only does sleep make a human’s brain much more healthy, effective, and tender, it also makes them easier to catch. Try catching them before they enter REM-sleep in the early hours. They wake up slower then.

Exercise — unfortunately, more and more humans have discovered that exercise improves not only their bodies, but their mental faculties. Your best counter to this? Numbers. Nothing takes down a burly human better than two- or three-hundred moaning, ravenous zombies. Sure, the athlete may get a few of you, but the odds are in your favour, and just think how good that toned grey matter will taste!

Tips for bigger brains at the New Scientist

Puritan neocon whackjob list of bad books

I’m sure everyone is linking to the “10 Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries” thing, but I cannot . . . restrain . . . comm- . . . en- . . . tary . . .

I can agree with the first three: The Commmunist Manifesto, Mein Kampf and Mao’s Little Red Book, though I think there’s some merit to the Communist Manifesto in terms of helping create the field of economics. However, after that, all I can say is: WTF!

The Kinsey Report? Come on.

Even more telling — check out some of the “honourable mentions” on their list:

  • On Liberty by John Stuart Mill
  • Origin of the Species by Charles Darwin
  • Coming of Age in Samoa by Margaret Mead
  • Silent Spring by Rachel Carson

Yep. Except for the work by mass-murderers, what we got here is not a list of harmful books, but a list of books that a bunch of puritanical, anti-science, regressive, knuckle-draggers would like to ban first. Traditional libertarian values, evolution, anthropology, environmentalism . . . yep. All bad.

See the list of eeevil | Cleanse palate with dose of irony