Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner

The Disney Gang


They called themselves the Disney Gang, despite the fact that two-fifths of their members were clearly aficionados of the Popeye milieu.

In fact, Chester “Popeye” Doyle was their leader; he did a crack impression of the pugnacious cartoon sailor, and liked to bludgeon enemies with a pillow case filled with cans of spinach. Barry “The Duck” Trepanning did an excellent impression too, though this made him completely incomprehensible during the high stress moments of their many bank jobs and shootouts. During the Mud Lick Massacre he did a classic Donald Duck freak out that had the cops in stitches, even while Detective Sergeant Reynolds bled out. Both of the mice were menacingly quiet, and police were never able to identify the bodies, so we don’t even know who they were.

And of course Reggie “The Wimps” Testeron, like their hero Walt, thought arson was hilarious.

Alltop is a firebug of comedy. Awesome photo via Twisted Vintage. Originally published September 2010.

Introducing the Venkman Brothers

two clowns on the beach, looking at the ocean

Herbetron and Merculia Venkman came from a proud line of Norwegian clowns, and were determined to climb to dizzying heights in America. They gazed at the ocean, their white chins pointed up with pride, their red noses threatening to fly off in the stiff Atlantic breeze.

Herbetron, in particular, had a vision. He could see a time when the world would laugh with them, not at them. Well, the world would still be laughing at them, they were clowns after all, but it would be laughs that THEY had crafted and guided. They would be laughs of dignity.

Then a piano fell on them.

Alltop once had an accordion land on its foot. Awesome clown photo via Twisted Vintage. Originally published October, 2010.

They say talent skips a generation

Vlastic Tesla, bulbheadVlastic Tesla was the illegitimate son of Nikola Tesla. Nikola invented the alternating current system, the induction motor, lightning rods, electro-mechanical oscillators, the Tesla coil, the Bifilar coil, robotics and the electronic logic gate, wireless technology, radio astronomy, the teleforce particle beam weapon, and known for his theoretical work in rotating magnetic fields, telegeodynamics, space data transmission systems, weather and climate modification and electrogravitics.

Vlastic turned himself into a light bulb. (Unfortunately, before he could reproduce.)

Alltop has spawned many a bairn. Originally published September, 2009.

The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Americans

ohboys by Foxtongue

Not to be outdone by their British compatriots, the North American members of the League of Peculiar Gentlemen were also adept at strapping strange things to their faces.

Perhaps the most famous of the trio, is Larry “The Monocle” Zimmerman, pictured in the middle. The Monacle was one of the first superheroes to appear in the United States, and after he single-handedly defeated the Rodent Armada of the evil genius, Herr Zamboni, the CIA recruited him to the League. His “monocle face” was able to focus his intense self-loathing into a powerful “ennui” beam, causing his enemies to stop whatever they were doing and hang out at jazz cafes, smoke cigarettes, wear berets, and generally make them unable to foment communist rebellion in the Americas.

The other American member of the team (pictured on the left) was Professor Mezmordo, who had invented a headset capable of reading another’s thoughts. The headset was highly experimental, however, and was just as likely to cook the medulla oblongata of his foes as it was to allow the Professor to read anyone’s thoughts. (It also enabled Professor Mezmordo to grow a massive brain tumor in the shape of a second head, which is how he later became the supervillain, Professor Double Noggin.)

The lone Canadian on the team (right) was Roy “The Shelver” McMurphy, and his face-covering did not do anything except obscure his vision, which is probably why The Shelver was the first casualty on the team. However, it was McMurphy who deduced that his girlfriend, Pamela Lipwaxer, was an agent of the Committee for the Advancement of Stalin’s Mustache (CASM); this information was vital in giving the League their first victory over CASM’s hairy plots.

Not pictured: The Mexican member of the team, Don Colitas.

Happy Independence Day to all my friends under the 49th.

Read The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Brits.

The FridgularityTo celebrate the holiday, you can get the paperback of The Fridgularity for $3 off, if you buy it direct from Monkeyjoy Press. Use coupon code: YGMVFZZY. Available in all formats in all the usual places online :

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Alltop is the first casualty of humor. ohboys, a photo by Foxtongue on Flickr. Originally published May, 2012.