So Charlie Brown’s troubles are not because he’s a loser, they’re because he’s shallow: He’s in love with a girl because of her looks. He wants to kick a football because his ego won’t let him fail (or learn that Lucy is a sociopathic liar). He is a child, but his dog has a much richer inner life.
I don’t think this explains the kite-eating tree.
Alltop never kicked a football either.
In 1170, King Henry II says, “What a parcel of fools and dastards have I nourished in my house, and not one of them will avenge me of this one upstart clerk.” Said fools and dastards decide that this means they should kill Archbishop Thomas Becket.
In 1600, Queen Elizabeth grants a formal charter to the London merchants trading to the East Indies. This doesn’t work out very well for the East Indies.
In 1777 George Washington’s Continental Army is given “cozy winter quarters” at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania.
In 1888, artist and talented loon Vincent Van Gogh cut off the lower part of his left ear, to give to a prostitute named Rachel, who worked at a brothel nearby. Um, thanks, but does it come in, like, not bleeding?
In 1912 the Parisian literary review, Nouvelle Revue Francaise, rejects an excerpt from Remembrance of Things Past by Marcel Proust. Doh!
In 1915 Sir Douglas Haig is made the commander-in-chief of the British army in France, and eventually gives his soldiers the thoughtful and exploding gift of the Somme.
In 1972 Pepe Lopez is invited to join the Stella Maris rugby team, and gets a free trip to Chile on Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 over the Andes. He proves to be very tasty.
Another parcel of fools and dastards can be found at Alltop. Originally published December, 2008.
Sad Spaceman contemplates lunch.
Alltop would be a great name for a humor blog aggregator.
It seems like all the lights are up in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d post this hilarious Christmas routine by Patton Oswalt:
Also here on youtube.
Alltop gets cranky at Christmas time too. Originally posted Dec. 2010.
But only if the author is very, very lucky.
Alltop would like to be turned into a View-a-matic slideshow.