Ah, the blog carnival. A venerable institution in web terms. And a zombie, if you want the truth. Some time ago I instituted a new policy: I will only accept submissions from a blog that was not written by the submitter. This has been massively successful, as it has allowed me to do whatever I want. Yay! Here is a smattering of worthy satire I collected in the last six weeks, month, hour and a half.

One of my favourite authors is Christopher Moore, and he’s bloogin’ now, like a champion. He’s been hanging out in Paris of late (no doubt researching his next book, something about hunchbacks and slutty women, I’m sure), and writing excellent (satiric) posts like this one, Making Fun of Sculpture.

Speaking of promiscuous activities, did you know about the going rate for Facebook friends? Mad Kane has the definitive limerick.

More excellent writing can be found a Name Your Tale, a site dedicated to the 100-word story, such as this, Plato’s Last Cigarette, written by Jeremy S. Griffin who also provides this low-fi, f-bomb-laden Hawkingesque YouTube video that includes the line: “Sit on my Facebook and I’ll whack you up the Twitter.” (May be NSFW, or ‘not safe for work’):

Fengtastic gives me hope for the future:

(Not to be confused with NeonBubble, who also gives me hope for both the future, and the past, with such posts as “Vintage Borg”.)

Diesel, on the other hand, frightens me. I can see, House, Plumber, actually making it on the airwaves. BTW, you should also buy his novel, Mercury Falls, which is not about a plumber, though it does contain many useful tips and more synonyms for linoleum flooring than you’ll ever need.

Now, I’m not sure this is satire, but I think it is. Lobo, sorry, LOBO (must be shouted) of Predator Press, gives us a glimpse into his upbringing in “Did I Eat This?”

In our non-satire slot, we have Banquet Manager and husband #11, plus a cogent argument from Head Wide Open about why men should have beards. Cogent and coherent — a rarity these days.

Right about now, you’re probably wondering how one of your satiric pieces could be included in this carnival, if I will not accept self-submissions. Here’s how it works: save me some time and find something brilliant that someone else has done, and send me that link. The form will allow you to put your own url in the “remarks” box. Or you could just email me both at skwib(at)markarayner.com. If I like the piece that someone else has written, I guarantee that I will want to know more about you and what you have written. The BlogCarnival form is here. Thanks to Nickel Media for the fast food zombie.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are not averse to satire either.

You thought there wasn’t going to be another one of these, didn’t you? Well, I admit, between finishing up Marvellous Hairy, and actual paying work, it was touch and go. But there is some great satire here so the show had to go on. Thanks, as always, to the people who follow the submission instructions and helped out by submitting the best satire (written by someone else) they could, and may a thousand self-absorbed liver flukes plague those who spammed me!

As always, Future Update has its mechanically-enhanced finger on the pulse of the people in 2029 with this disturbing story: Seattle Police Break Up Ring of Fake Robots.

Speaking of ersatz cybercrime, Mad has a paean to this week’s outrageous Kindle Swindle. We’re all very worried about future changes to the ebooks they provide, including Archer.

And courtesy of Mad, we have a news item from the Borowitz Report worth making an extra booze run for: Obama Names Thursday “Drink A Beer With Someone Who Arrested You Day” Ah yes, the healing power of beer.

You know what goes well with beer? Angry Seafood. Luckily, I have a story from them about The Rosetta Stone for Women, giving all women hope that someday, men will learn their language.

Sometimes language is best if brief, such as This is not a story at Name Your Tale, which filled with 100-word wonders.

Feng is still clowning around with pithy words and funny pictures.

And the Fake Mark at Neonbubble is still in love with his Vintage Alien Magazine covers.
I’m pretty sure the Fake Mark lives in the UK. And I’m pretty sure, like the rest of the nation, sunshine makes him delusional. Good thing the MET had a way to fix that.

Oink oink! This edition’s image is from Azrainman’s latest Photoshop satire of the swine flu planning. Click on the magnifying glass and check out the detail on the syringe!

And rounding out this edition with a bit of — cough — non-satire, Elison, as is his wont, has a pithy, but pungent poem about heated Gruyère cheese. (This is probably not safe for work.)

And that’s it for the 116th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their spamalicious form. You may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too.

Invading The Vintage, originally uploaded by Franco Brambilla.

This is a similar notion as the Vintage Ads of Fictional Futures contest we ran last year, but a little more artistic. Franco Brambilla has taken some of his grampa’s old Swiss postcards, and painted in aliens. Very cool. You can find Franco Brambilla’s site here. Via BoingBoing.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also out of this world.

Well, I have to be honest: the altruistic thing didn’t work out too well. Of all the submissions to this edition of the Carnival of Satire, only two followed the new guidelines. Perhaps they are just too complicated, and I need to rephrase them: submit the best satire of the month written by someone who is not you, and give me the link to that. That said, I’ve plunged ahead and found some worthy posts for you to peruse, but we’ll start with the submissions:

Mad Kane found this truly hilarious “literal” video of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (please don’t click away yet). I know, I know, this genre is done to death, but this one is actually quite a funny parody. If you want to skip the slower part of the song at the start, and jump right into the really odd stuff, fast forward to 52 or 53 seconds in. Then the Emo Kids, Swim Team, and spinning Ninjas make their entrance. You’ll have to wait a bit for the zombies. Try here if the embed thingy doesn’t work:

So thanks to Mad, and while we’re thanking her for that, you should check out her latest satirical limerick: Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Just Sign!

While you were watching Bonnie act her totally eclipsed heart out, you might have been worried about the gymnasts. You were right to, because sometimes they shoot horses. A fine piece of video satire, this one from The Onion. [Found here if the embed thingy chokes.] Thanks to GrrlScientist for the find:

Despite its lexicographic issues (bonus points if you can explain them in the comments), I found this article on Scunt quite amusing and edifying: Twitter is Dangerous. RETWEET! RETWEET!

In related (future) news, British Schools Told to Scrap Spelling Lessons.

But back to Twitter for a moment. You may find this cartoon from PC Weenies amusing [ht to Scott's Tip of the Day for this]:

I continue to find Fengtastic a disturbing source of joy. I offer you a link to a recent photo, Casual Friday, not because I am ashamed that I enjoyed this photo, but because it is EXTREMELY UNSAFE FOR WORK!!! (Take me seriously on this. No irony or sarcasm involved at all. There is NUDITY! It is also BAT-related.)

Speaking of nudity, it seems as though Sex is now pandemic, though not in England, Switzerland, and parts of Ontario.

With the new Transformers movie about to open, Cracked ran a partial-nudity laced Photoshop contest, in which contestants were asked to imagine if everyday life was directed by Michael Bay. Here is the winning entry:

And that’s it for the 115th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form. You may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too.

Welcome to the futuristic edition of the Carnival of Satire, where we take the old carnival form and kit it out with rocket boots, heat rays and robotty goodness. From now on, we’ve changed the carnival submission policy. If you’d like to submit to the next carnival, keep in mind that we would like you to find someone else’s satire. Give us your URL too, so we can credit you. (So it’s altruistic, but you still get a link.) More details are at the Carnival of Satire page. And please, remember we’re looking for satire.

Let us being our journey to The Astounding World of the Future. This hilarious YouTube mashup takes old newsreel-style narration and runs it over suspect footage; it’s hard to understand why the narrator is so happy, but it sure is funny: “The little lady of the future will no longer slave over the stove to prepare her hubby’s meals. She’ll use a heat-ray oven.” [Grumpy person nukes hot pocket.] The “picture phone” bit floored me. Watch here or the embedded video below. Thanks to Flarf for finding this gem.

Over at Fengtastic!, we can see how easily we get used to the conveniences of the Internet, our technology of the future:

While not from the future, LOBO is as freaky as the future, though I found his worries about Home-Grown Terrorists fairly sensible.

Personally, I don’t see why humans can’t marry robots either. (BTW, I think we should all make every effort to pronounce the word “roebut”, like they did in the 40s.) Speaking of marrying robots, you should be careful of Wanda, at least on your wedding night.

When it comes to creating spoofy poetry, Madeleine Begun Kane is a machine: The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song.

Scunt (hey that’s their name) has a frightening report about A new drug that’s claiming millions of lives.

Carl Milsted takes us to the present and informs us about Obama’s Massive New Subsidies for the Rich.

Chris has karate irony: The Devil’s Dictionary of Martial Arts.

Davidwilliams presents Satire Patch: CHINESE ADMIT FEEDING PRISONERS TO TILAPIA.

Banquet Manager presents World History Lesson: Conservative vs Liberal.

And to take us back to the future, in particular, the rapture for nerds, Rick is waiting for the singularity and listening to The Very Model of a Modern Singularitarian. [YouTube clip].

And that’s it for the 114th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too. Thanks to Richard Scott for his awesome robot cartoon.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to delay the Carnival of Satire by a week. There just weren’t enough submissions of bona fide satire in there to make it worthwhile. I’ve also noticed a disturbing trend — most of the submissions are so far off the mark that it’s actually kind of funny. Many of these submissions are by folks who seem to believe that the Blog Carnival system is a way to get links to their posts, relevant or not.

Perhaps the Age of the Carnival is over — as more people start blogging, it gets harder to have this kind of altruistic institution survive — but rather than give up, I’d like to institute a new rule:

Go find the best satiric blog post that is not written by you, and I’ll include it in the carnival, and give you credit for finding. (That way it’s altruistic, and we’ll all get to find great writing we might have missed, but you also get something out of it too.) You can find the Carnival of Satire page with the details here, or submit stuff directly using the form at the Blog Carnival.

Sound like a workable plan? Any other suggestions would be welcome in the comments.

Isn’t it wonderful living in interesting times? This month’s edition of the Carnival of Satire demonstrates how even dire news has its satiric side:

Lobo kicks things off with this useful advice on how to prepare for the biohazard finale.

Rickey has equally helpful hints in his (un)Official Guide to Swine Flu.

Up until this swine flu thing, the media seemed pretty excited about Twitter. Little did they know that Kneon has been making webcomics with his Tweets. You can jump straight to the comic here.

You may also want to check out the Twitterpocalypse, which we related last week.

Sticking with the web, Juliet Chase has A new approach to SEO .

And yes, the economy is still a worry. Generation Bubble puts it in perspective with Yakk in the USSR, or How I Learned to Love the Bubble .

Clearly, Diesel’s strategy for coping with the recession is to try and ride it out in prison. Or perhaps this is just a cry for help. He is trying to sell a novel, after all: I Got Yer Inconsistent Use Right Here. Decide for yourself, then go sign his book thingy so he’ll stop harassing nice people on Facebook. It’s literally the least you can do.

Mike Sowden has his own creative project on the go, and it looks like Fox might be interested — Stellar Quest 1: The Beginning .

Madeleine Begun Kane is still waxing poetic, but this time her limerick has gone to the dogs.

And we’re all not obsessed by current events. Ellis imagines what Elvis would be like if he were an elderly Jewish man.

You know, I had some of the same thoughts when I saw that picture of the five presidents together. Tim Slowikowski has a warning about Jimmy Carter, a bad muthaf*cka.

steven germain presents Rough Fractals: Blog Bail-Out.

Satire Patch presents NRA Releases Message On Recent Shootings .

In in our one non-satire slot: Vanessa Wolf has an intriguing tale about British PM, Gordon Brown: Confucius say: When glass eye fall in soup, remove with spoon .

And that’s it for the 113th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too. Thanks to Hobbit90 from Freaking News.com for the pic.

Welcome to the 112th edition of the Carnival. As you might expect, the economy is on the mind of many of us, though clearly, for some of us, the economy has made us lose our minds:

This week’s title graphic includes a bit of Azrainmain’s latest Photoshop satire. See the whole image and get a sneak peek at the new Global Currency.

Sometimes politics can get weird, and The Satirical Political Report proves this with this news item: Congress Passes New ‘Seinfeld’ Law: AIG Execs ‘Have to Be Our Butlers’

On the topic of the AIG bonuses, xkcd has a perfectly crumulent point:

Future Update has the surprising news that Rush Limbaugh will still be alive in the year 2029. The rest of the update isn’t as shocking: Limbaugh Says He Hopes President Fails to Save Humanity

There’s a large contingent in the Middle East who hope that Christopher Khawand’s submission is true: Obama Vows to ‘Beat Off’ Insurgents in Iraq by 2010.

In totally unrelated news (we hope) David Aulick presents Upcoming Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors.

Tis the tax season, and Madeleine Begun Kane finds An Up Side.

Shawn Bryan has the court-mandated column from Homeschooled Harry and his take on health care .

Finally, Aaron Rogier has some health notes for us, in 7 reasons to sleep in .

And that’s it for the 112th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too.

This edition has it all — fractured fairy tales, musical numbers, and zombies! Say, did you want brains with that?

Apparently, The Skwib has been skewing State-side, so Ann Winter at Mythshifter has put together this brilliant Folkrap, remix: Mollie Whuppie as Tony Blair to help get more UK in our yuks.

It is winter. Some of us are doing our taxes. And Madeleine Begun Kane wonders if only the peons have to pay them. On this topic, Super Saver has some great ideas for How President Obama Can Help Pay for the Stimulus Plan.

Hmm. Perhaps Mythshifter is correct, and The Skwib is a little too biased to US news. Here is an important PSA from Canadian Fermentation explaining the Canadian hockey fight (using amoebas to demonstrate.)

In tech news, Beth has this important development: Toilet Paper goes digital .

You may have missed the recent zombie-related happenings. Tim Abbott presents That is So Wrong!, in which he reinvents several classics with zombies.

David Aulick explains that Chris Brown Thought Rihanna Was A Zombie..

In US politics — there’s that Yankee bias again — Alexander Woods presents Barack Obama: Hopeless, Reckless, and Jacketless, and DWSUWF presents State of the Union – The Musical! “Chicago” Edition.

Christopher Khawand brings this note of concern to our attention: Mounting Dish Crisis Causes a Stink.

Joshua Payne has more worrying news about the Wiki-pocalypse! .

And in our non-satire slot, Heather B Jones tells all about Las Vegas in the Dance Of The Table Vulture.

And that’s it for the 111th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too. Thanks to Nickel Media for the fast food zombie and to Darth Abraham for the instructional poster.

Number 110. What? That can’t be right, can it? I’ve done this 110 times? But that’s crazy isn’t it? Crazy? Enough questioning; here’s the depth of winter edition:

Beezard blows the lid off A Heritage of Hate

Madeleine Begun Kane marks the end of the Bush years with An Alpha-Political Farewell to Bush and Cheney.

Banquet Manager also has a look at the political spectrum with a major rethink of the vexing question: Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road? .

Melodyspaghetti has renewed faith in the young..

And lest you think the Big BO has been perfect so far, Kevin Brink explains Obama’s First Mistakes.

Ronald Pecorry is rightly worried about the green crisis in Ireland.

Happy Chinese New Year! In honor of the Year of the Ox, CS-Weekly presents this story about a doctor buying a donkey.

Did you know the world is going to end in 2012? Well according to the Mayans and Andrey Polston it will. And he has a 2012 Survival Guide.

Steve Shives presents “No, Mr. Obama — I Expect You to Die!”

Scott Davis presents Drunk Driving on a 2.4mph mobility scooter.

In the non-satire slot, Big Cajun Man presents a classic Canadian tale (and film): Banks and Humor .

And that’s it for the 109th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too. Thanks to Randihaousen for the chilly winter pic.