Archive | Carnival of Satire

Ah, the blog carnival. A venerable institution in web terms. And a zombie, if you want the truth. Some time ago I instituted a new policy: I will only accept submissions from a blog that was not written by the submitter. This has been massively successful, as it has allowed me to do whatever I want. Yay! Here is a smattering of worthy satire I collected in the last six weeks, month, hour and a half.

One of my favourite authors is Christopher Moore, and he’s bloogin’ now, like a champion. He’s been hanging out in Paris of late (no doubt researching his next book, something about hunchbacks and slutty women, I’m sure), and writing excellent (satiric) posts like this one, Making Fun of Sculpture.

Speaking of promiscuous activities, did you know about the going rate for Facebook friends? Mad Kane has the definitive limerick.

More excellent writing can be found a Name Your Tale, a site dedicated to the 100-word story, such as this, Plato’s Last Cigarette, written by Jeremy S. Griffin who also provides this low-fi, f-bomb-laden Hawkingesque YouTube video that includes the line: “Sit on my Facebook and I’ll whack you up the Twitter.” (May be NSFW, or ‘not safe for work’):

Fengtastic gives me hope for the future:

(Not to be confused with NeonBubble, who also gives me hope for both the future, and the past, with such posts as “Vintage Borg”.)

Diesel, on the other hand, frightens me. I can see, House, Plumber, actually making it on the airwaves. BTW, you should also buy his novel, Mercury Falls, which is not about a plumber, though it does contain many useful tips and more synonyms for linoleum flooring than you’ll ever need.

Now, I’m not sure this is satire, but I think it is. Lobo, sorry, LOBO (must be shouted) of Predator Press, gives us a glimpse into his upbringing in “Did I Eat This?”

In our non-satire slot, we have Banquet Manager and husband #11, plus a cogent argument from Head Wide Open about why men should have beards. Cogent and coherent — a rarity these days.

Right about now, you’re probably wondering how one of your satiric pieces could be included in this carnival, if I will not accept self-submissions. Here’s how it works: save me some time and find something brilliant that someone else has done, and send me that link. The form will allow you to put your own url in the “remarks” box. Or you could just email me both at skwib(at)markarayner.com. If I like the piece that someone else has written, I guarantee that I will want to know more about you and what you have written. The BlogCarnival form is here. Thanks to Nickel Media for the fast food zombie.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are not averse to satire either.

You thought there wasn’t going to be another one of these, didn’t you? Well, I admit, between finishing up Marvellous Hairy, and actual paying work, it was touch and go. But there is some great satire here so the show had to go on. Thanks, as always, to the people who follow the submission instructions and helped out by submitting the best satire (written by someone else) they could, and may a thousand self-absorbed liver flukes plague those who spammed me!

As always, Future Update has its mechanically-enhanced finger on the pulse of the people in 2029 with this disturbing story: Seattle Police Break Up Ring of Fake Robots.

Speaking of ersatz cybercrime, Mad has a paean to this week’s outrageous Kindle Swindle. We’re all very worried about future changes to the ebooks they provide, including Archer.

And courtesy of Mad, we have a news item from the Borowitz Report worth making an extra booze run for: Obama Names Thursday “Drink A Beer With Someone Who Arrested You Day” Ah yes, the healing power of beer.

You know what goes well with beer? Angry Seafood. Luckily, I have a story from them about The Rosetta Stone for Women, giving all women hope that someday, men will learn their language.

Sometimes language is best if brief, such as This is not a story at Name Your Tale, which filled with 100-word wonders.

Feng is still clowning around with pithy words and funny pictures.

And the Fake Mark at Neonbubble is still in love with his Vintage Alien Magazine covers.
I’m pretty sure the Fake Mark lives in the UK. And I’m pretty sure, like the rest of the nation, sunshine makes him delusional. Good thing the MET had a way to fix that.

Oink oink! This edition’s image is from Azrainman’s latest Photoshop satire of the swine flu planning. Click on the magnifying glass and check out the detail on the syringe!

And rounding out this edition with a bit of — cough — non-satire, Elison, as is his wont, has a pithy, but pungent poem about heated Gruyère cheese. (This is probably not safe for work.)

And that’s it for the 116th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their spamalicious form. You may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too.

Well, I have to be honest: the altruistic thing didn’t work out too well. Of all the submissions to this edition of the Carnival of Satire, only two followed the new guidelines. Perhaps they are just too complicated, and I need to rephrase them: submit the best satire of the month written by someone who is not you, and give me the link to that. That said, I’ve plunged ahead and found some worthy posts for you to peruse, but we’ll start with the submissions:

Mad Kane found this truly hilarious “literal” video of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (please don’t click away yet). I know, I know, this genre is done to death, but this one is actually quite a funny parody. If you want to skip the slower part of the song at the start, and jump right into the really odd stuff, fast forward to 52 or 53 seconds in. Then the Emo Kids, Swim Team, and spinning Ninjas make their entrance. You’ll have to wait a bit for the zombies. Try here if the embed thingy doesn’t work:

So thanks to Mad, and while we’re thanking her for that, you should check out her latest satirical limerick: Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Just Sign!

While you were watching Bonnie act her totally eclipsed heart out, you might have been worried about the gymnasts. You were right to, because sometimes they shoot horses. A fine piece of video satire, this one from The Onion. [Found here if the embed thingy chokes.] Thanks to GrrlScientist for the find:

Despite its lexicographic issues (bonus points if you can explain them in the comments), I found this article on Scunt quite amusing and edifying: Twitter is Dangerous. RETWEET! RETWEET!

In related (future) news, British Schools Told to Scrap Spelling Lessons.

But back to Twitter for a moment. You may find this cartoon from PC Weenies amusing [ht to Scott’s Tip of the Day for this]:

I continue to find Fengtastic a disturbing source of joy. I offer you a link to a recent photo, Casual Friday, not because I am ashamed that I enjoyed this photo, but because it is EXTREMELY UNSAFE FOR WORK!!! (Take me seriously on this. No irony or sarcasm involved at all. There is NUDITY! It is also BAT-related.)

Speaking of nudity, it seems as though Sex is now pandemic, though not in England, Switzerland, and parts of Ontario.

With the new Transformers movie about to open, Cracked ran a partial-nudity laced Photoshop contest, in which contestants were asked to imagine if everyday life was directed by Michael Bay. Here is the winning entry:

And that’s it for the 115th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form. You may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to delay the Carnival of Satire by a week. There just weren’t enough submissions of bona fide satire in there to make it worthwhile. I’ve also noticed a disturbing trend — most of the submissions are so far off the mark that it’s actually kind of funny. Many of these submissions are by folks who seem to believe that the Blog Carnival system is a way to get links to their posts, relevant or not.

Perhaps the Age of the Carnival is over — as more people start blogging, it gets harder to have this kind of altruistic institution survive — but rather than give up, I’d like to institute a new rule:

Go find the best satiric blog post that is not written by you, and I’ll include it in the carnival, and give you credit for finding. (That way it’s altruistic, and we’ll all get to find great writing we might have missed, but you also get something out of it too.) You can find the Carnival of Satire page with the details here, or submit stuff directly using the form at the Blog Carnival.

Sound like a workable plan? Any other suggestions would be welcome in the comments.