It had been a long day for Trent Derbish, officer with the Canadian Border Service Agency. Lots of traffic, tons of odd declarations, and then this old bugger with an English accent.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat it?”
“Right,” the old man said, “all I’ve got to declare is a brain. I’ve got it in the boot, if you need to see it.”
“A brain in your boot?”
“Yes, officer, a brain. In the boot.” Continue Reading →
Zombies everywhere will be excited to learn that humans have discovered eleven ways to improve their brains.
Though these new brain-boosting regimes will result in bigger, meatier, more satisfying human brains, zombies should know that these bigger brains will make it more difficult to catch their cranial chow.
Here are a few suggestions to deal with the problem:
Smart drugs — though humans are using smart drugs such as modafinil to increase their brain power, they are still susceptible to traditional “dumb” drugs. The easiest way to satisfy your cravings for brain? Find humans looking to satisfy their munchies after an evening of drinking pilsner or smoking weed. You will find them much easier to catch (particularly important if you suffer from (creeping zombie syndrome).
Sleep — sleep is every zombie’s friend. Not only does sleep make a human’s brain much more healthy, effective, and tender, it also makes them easier to catch. Try catching them before they enter REM-sleep in the early hours. They wake up slower then.
Exercise — unfortunately, more and more humans have discovered that exercise improves not only their bodies, but their mental faculties. Your best counter to this? Numbers. Nothing takes down a burly human better than two- or three-hundred moaning, ravenous zombies. Sure, the athlete may get a few of you, but the odds are in your favour, and just think how good that toned grey matter will taste!