Archive | Parody & Satire

OTTAWA (The Skwib) — Hoping to increase the number of young Canadians voting, Elections Canada has introduced the Crazy Dolores campaign.

“Yes, our research shows that youth are disengaged from the political process, and it doesn’t matter how many cool websites we launch, they will not be influenced by such positive efforts,” Dr. Jennifer Temptress told The Skwib, as she took off her glasses and arched an eyebrow.

Statistics show that young voters are just as likely to be engaged with other alternative political activities as their older peers, but much less likely to connect with the traditional political process.

“So we’ve decided to frighten them into voting,” Temptress told The Skwib, as she licked her lips and smiled.

The Crazy Dolores campaign is designed to scare the crap out of young voters into turning up to the polls.

In addition to the ad campaign showing Crazy Dolores stabbing apathetic youth with a large Elections Canada kitchen knife, there is a guerilla marketing component as well.

“Yes, do you remember coolhunters? Well, we’re doing the same kind of thing,” Temptress said, as she loosened her hair bun, and shook her long, blond hair. “We’ve hired thousands of young women, and have outfitted them with Groucho Glasses — yes the kind with eyebrows — and they will be randomly attacking youth with their knives.”

“They’re fake knives of course, but they will produce a real electric shock and coat victims with fake blood,” Temptress explained as she took off her lab coat.

Then the Dolores will say, “vote or next time it will be a real knife!”

When asked if this new campaign was too extreme, Temptress said, “I don’t think so. Do you?” As she started to unbutton her blouse it was clear the interview was over.

Inspired by:
Predictable rituals | | Original photo by DerrickT

Jack’s disquiet had grown to panic, but he still got his shot.

He’d been a photographer in Washington for too long perhaps. He did not think it was possible, but America had failed to see through the demagoguery.

He’d walked with the new president’s car for a while — trying to get the best shot — but he couldn’t take it anymore. He let the car drive by, with Joseph McCarthy in the back, waving.

President McCarthy.

Just two years earlier, army attorney Joseph Welch had asked McCarthy through tears: “Until this moment, senator, I think I never really gauged your cruelty or your recklessness. Let us not assassinate this lad further, senator. You have done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you no sense of decency?” The crowded hearing room had burst into spontaneous applause.

Jack had thought it would be all over then. But then something happened. A real spy surfaced. And McCarthy had been right about at least one of his victims.

The doubts about McCarthy turned to enthusiasm. The Senate did not chastise him, and in a one-sided vote they gave him more powers.

The next year, Dwight D. Eisenhower claimed that he would not run again, due to ill health, but everyone within the Beltway knew the score — even those few Republicans who still didn’t trust McCarthy would support him.

They’d been told by McCarthy’s running mate, Richard Nixon: “Support McCarthy. Or else.”

More high-ranking bureaucrats and armed forces personnel were named each day. Those who did not support McCarthy ended up appearing before his hearing.

The car bearing his new President rolled down the road, was obscured by exhaust steam, and Jack wondered if America had disappeared with it.

He took one last photo, just in case.

Inspired by:
December 2, 1954 — The United States Senate votes 65 to 22 to condemn Joseph McCarthy for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute.”