Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

The Lost PowerPoint Slides
(Battle of Vimy Ridge Edition)

Battle of Vimy Ridge -- a painting by Richard JackGeneral Ludwig von Falkenhausen presents “The Week of Suffering” (circa April 2-9, 1917) –>slide 2

  • Artillery relentless
  • I’d guess about a million shells
  • Somehow can target our artillery, even though they’re hidden behind ridge
  • We ran out of aspirin, earplugs.

Allied General Arthur Currie presents “Better Creeping” (circa April 9, 1917) –>slide 4

  • first wave attacks behind creeping barrage
  • continuous line of shells
  • improve on what we did at the Somme.

Corporal Gus Sivertz (2nd Canadian Mounted Rifles) presents “Nervy” –>slide 7

  • a macabre dance
  • nerves vibrated
  • thousands of shells, machine gun bullets whizzed overhead
  • advanced over no-man’s land
  • if you put your hand up, you’d touch a ceiling of sound
  • and probably lose a finger or two.

French soldier learns of victory at Vimy –>slide 1

  • C’est impossible!

French soldier learns four Canadian divisions fighting at Vimy with one British division–>slide 2

  • Ah! les Canadiens! C’est possible!

Notes: The shelling at the battle began April 2, 1917, and the battle itself began on April 9, 1917. Vimy marked the first time that Canadian troops fought together on a a corps level, and they took the ridge with casualties of 10,000. Previous attempts to break the strong-point in the German line had cost French and British troops more than 150,000. Vimy is often seen as a defining moment in Canadian national history, and as Pierre Burton wrote in his book on the battle, it quickly attained mythic status. This seems like an appropriate post for Remembrance Day.

Photo by Andreas-Photography. Alltop and humor-blogs.com are in the trenches of comedy. Originally published November 2008.

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The Lost PowerPoint Slides (4th of July Edition)

FireworksJohn Hancock proposes boycott of British East India Company tea to Colonial housewives, 1769 (slide 4)

  • I agree tea is lovely but coffee is good too
  • Because, this will hurt British
  • Yes, my signature is big
  • No, not indicative of anything else, Madame.

Paul Revere delivers Suffolk Resolves to First Continental Congress, 1774 (final slide)

To recap:

  • no British goods
  • raise militia
  • ignore British rule
  • Intolerable Acts — really intolerable.

Thomas Paine presents Common Sense in Philadelphia, 1776 (slide 3)

Being part of Britain — third problem:

  • drag America into unnecessary wars.

Jefferson previews first draft of Declaration of Independence to other committee members, 1776 (slide 4)

Unalienable rights — further explanation:

  • not being killed or life?
  • freedom from slavery or liberty?
  • pursuit of happiness or — swag, property, bling?
  • open to suggestions…

Jacques-Donatien Le Ray invites Benjamin Franklin to stay at his fully staffed mansion in Paris, 1776 (slide 12)

  • As I love liberty, and believe all men are equal
  • Use my mansion in Passy
  • No electricity experiments is all I ask
  • France and America will always be great friends!

Baron von Steuben drills Continental Army at Valley Forge, 1778 (slide 12)

Key elements of Prussian order:

  • bad food
  • harsh conditions
  • severe discipline
  • “friendship” of your fellow soldier.

Washington farewell address, 1796 (slide 7)

Further, regarding sectionalism:

  • not so sure a two-party state is a good idea.
Happy holiday to everyone in the States, including all the busy bloggers and alltop. Thanks to d4rr3ll for the fireworks photo. Originally published July 4, 2008.

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The Lost PowerPoint Slides: We Are Not Amused by Your Clipart (Part 23)

The Lost PowerPoint SlidesThe Victorians

The Victorians did many things that shape our lives today, and I’m not just talking about lighting bangers and drinking too much on Victoria Day.

Charles Darwin and the Theory of Evolution

Unlike today, the Theory of Evolution was not accepted by all members of society, not even in the United Kingdom, where Charles Darwin pioneered his important scientific discoveries; while Darwin explored the marketing possibilities of ape-powered robots, other men like Thomas Huxley were left to convince the rest of the scientific community of Evolution’s validity. This debate came to a head when during a widely publicized discussion before the British Association for the Advancement of Science, one of the major opponents of Evolution, the Lord Bishop of Oxford Samuel Wilberforce, asked Huxley if it was his mother or father who was an ape.

Rather be descended from ape then smell like one

Communism

The ideology of communism has its roots in the Victorian Era, when Karl Marx and his pirate brother, Friedrich Engels, wrote the Communist Manifesto, which was all about overthrowing capitalism, sharing the means of production and scoring chicks.

Communist manifesto and beer mat

This site is all about scoring laughs. Originally published June, 2008.

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The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Victoria Day Edition)

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Victoria Day Edition)  -- pic of Queen VictoriaThe Queen presents: We Are NOT Amused –> Slide 12 (circa 1867)

  • I am de facto Queen of Canada?
  • How did that happen?
  • Bugger.

The Queen presents: We ARE Amused –> Slide 6 (circa 1868)

  • Have you tried this Vin Mariani?
  • Excellent concoction.
  • Made with cocaine, you say?
  • Makes me forget all about that Canada humbug.

The Queen presents: We Are REALLY Not Amused –> Slide 3 (circa 1901)

  • Now I’m the Queen of Australia too?
  • Oh, that’s just not right!
  • That’s the kind of news that could kill a person.

Government of Canada presents: Monday Before May 25 –> Slide 1 (circa 1952)

  • Must have holiday to kick off summer season.
  • Tell gardeners when they can plant stuff.
  • VD will do.

Bob and Doug MacKenzie present: May Two Four, Eh? –>Slide 2 (circa 1981)

  • Why is the holiday called the Two-Four, hoser?
  • It’s like, traditional to celebrate by drinking brewskies, eh?
  • So what?
  • And they come in cases of …
  • 24!
  • Beauty, eh?

More about Victoria Day.

Alltop is also not amused. Originally published May, 2006.

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The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Sir Thomas More Edition)

Sir Thomas More, painted by Hans Holbein, circa 1527Sir Thomas More presents “The Religions of Utopia” (circa 1515) –> slide three

  • several religions
  • sun-worshipers, moon-worshipers, Uranus-worshipers (the worst of them)
  • but the best religion worships an incomprehensible Deity.

Sir Thomas More presents “The Religions of Utopia” (circa 1515) –> slide five

their most ancient law:

  • no man ought to be punished for his religion
  • not even the evil-smelling Uranus-worshipers.

Sir Thomas More presents “The Religions of Utopia” (circa 1515) –> slide six

  • liberty needed so they can decide:
  • which religion is true and which is false
  • also, dignity of human values more important than religious dogma.

Sir Thomas More presents “Burning Lutherans” (circa 1530) –> slide 5

  • heresy against Church is a disease
  • started with burning Protestant books
  • now onto followers of Martin Luther
  • (but I only burned six).

Sir Thomas More:

“A man of an angel’s wit and singular learning. I know not his fellow. For where is the man of that gentleness, lowliness and affability? And, as time requireth, a man of marvelous mirth and pastimes, and sometime of as sad gravity. A man for all seasons.” ~ Robert Whittington (1520, before More’s “pyro” phase)

In addition to being an all-weather dude, More also was burner of heretics, or Lutherans as we know them now. Alltop is burning hot with humor. Originally published Dec. 7, 2007.

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The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Ides of March Edition)

Brutus -- the anti-kingJulius Caesar Presents: Won’t Be King (slide 5)

  • Don’t put that diadem around my shoulders
  • Only King in Rome is Jupiter
  • But you can call me King outside Italy
  • What, you got a problem with that?

Spurinna the Soothsayer presents “ooooooo” (slide 1)

  • Beware the Ides of March!
  • Cue the spooky music!

Caesar Presents “What, me worry?” (only slide)

  • Going to speak with the Senate at Pompey’s Theatre
  • You see, soothsayer Spurinna, the Ides of March have come
  • No problem.

Spurinna presents “you’re an idiot” (only slide)

  • It’s the Ides all day, you pillock.

Marcus Brutus presents “anti-king device” (slide 1)

  • Is this a stabby thing you can’t see behind you, Caesar of the Julia?

Marcus Brutus presents “anti-king device” (slide 2)

  • Nope, can’t see it now, ’cause it’s in your back.

Marcus Brutus presents “anti-king device” (slide 5)

  • And again.
  • Thus always to tyrants, even if they may be my father.
Et tu Alltop? Shockingly, originally published in 2006!

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