From the Globe and Mail: Bear meat bites back

Okay, this thing seems to be gathering some steam, though we have noticed that the satire gene seems to skews right. However, we like to offend everyone at The Skwib, so fair enough. (We should add that opinions of the participants do not necessarily mirror those of the multiple personalities normally on display here, and that we do not really believe left and right have any meaning anyway.)

Please remember, that this Carnival is about satire, so if your post didn’t get linked, then it could be that it wasn’t quite satirical enough for the tastes of the editorial team. We could be wrong . . . we frequently are. If you want to know what we think satire is, please check out Mark’s essay, Satire’s Ugly Sisters.

Let’s kick things off with a brilliant lampoon from Laurence Simon at IFOC News. This parody news story, Breach Floods N.O. Ninth Ward Again, made Dr. Tundra spew coffee all over the room. (Could have been the peyote buttons too.)

Continuing with the media theme, Remulak MoxArgon at The MoxArgon Group presents Episode # 7: What’s With the Earthling Media?. One wonders why General Kang was not invited to participate — probably seemed too liberal, what with his French clothes and tiny feet.

Gary Cruse at The Owner’s Manual presents the initially baffling EUlogy, but if you are a clever web consumer (which clearly Thag is not) this is actually quite funny if you read the linked story first. (And don’t hit the computer with your club.)

Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany presents the pithy Burger King’s Corrected Ice Cream Thingy

Nickie Goomba at Nickie Goomba takes us back to the blame game with Mayor sez: ‘Ignore the Feds’

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face continues the blame game with Unable To Use “Stupid”, Press Conference Breaks Up Early

Mr. Right at The Right Place presents Angry Protesters Demand “U.S. Out of U.S. Now!”

Vox Poplar at Vox Poplar Is right About Everything & Don’t You Forget It! presents THIS JUST IN….

While we’re neither fans of Sheehan-bashing, nor the term “moonbat”, bob at either orr nevertheless produces a truly amusing line-up inThe Concert for Cindy Sheehan.

Barry Welford at The Other Bloke’s Blog brings us a satirical take (for a business blog) on the old saw What Do You Call An 800 Lb. Gorilla?. (And is the inspiration for our title graphic this week.)

The Man at GOP and the City presents Rangel Is Full of the Wrong Bull, which, while not satire per se, is replete with satirical possibilities. Nobody here thinks Bull Connor (the billiard ball on stilts from Night Court) was racist either.

And finally, we recommend you check out The Assimilated Negro at The Assimilated Negro (see, that’s the self-titled blog, there are no Bull O’Connors here!) presents Benefits of Converting From Negro To Assimilated Negro. Excellent satire.

Thanks to everyone for participating in the second Carnival of Satire, and to Chris in NE for the gorilla picture. We’re looking forward to next week’s efforts, where we promise there will be no extra primate added to the Carnival. Okay, no gratuitously extra primate.

Some carnivals and assorted stuff to mention today. I’ll start with the Carnival of Campaigns, hosted at Election 2008 Countdown (talk about planning ahead!). There is some humor at Conservative Cat’s funny stuff.

And remember, if you’ve got an itch for satire, send it to The Skwib’s Carnival of Satire. Entries are due today at 4 pm.

Psychlotron XII was well-known as the premier negolath-mining planet in the entire galaxy. (Negolath, as you know, is a vital element in the powdered wig industry, which has gripped galactic fashion since the disembodied head of Joan Rivers wore one to the 1206th Oscars.)

The problem with negolath is that it is easily transmuted into an aerosol, is highly reactive and can cause a range of maladies such as having your face to slough off. In short, if not properly handled, negolath killed people, turned them into hideous skin-deprived ghouls, or even worse.

The Massively Helpful Insurance Company provided the health coverage for the miners who quarried the all-important negolath.

And there had been a massive aerosol event; thousands of miners and their families were dead, losing their facial features, or getting sick. The Massively Helpful Insurance Company was on the hook for billions of credits in health care, that is, until they called in Darth Jeremy, Dark Lord of Insurance Agents. It would take him weeks, but the powerful villain visited each policy holder in turn. Continue reading…

The lucky 13th Carnival of Liberty is hosted (most excellently) by Forward Biased today, and you may want to check out some of the posts there, particularly “Your papers are not in order” about the dangers of tube-travel in London (the first one); I learned that perspiring is suspicious behavior in the UK.

You will also find a truly cranky (and funny) edition of the Bonfire of the Vanities hosted this week by The Zero Boss. I submitted last week’s “Ask General Kang”, which I’m told came across as being filled with simian rage as opposed to humorous simian rage. (Big difference.)

Eeeeooow

Non-carnival o-rama here at the Mop and Pail:

If the appropriate conditions are created and the right hormones produced, any person can conceive, he said. But, he added, if the placenta latched on to an organ such as the liver, the organ could malfunction or a major hemorrhage could occur.

The Truth was out there, and it was Special Agent Frank Mulva’s job to prevent people from finding it.

If they discovered it … well … he just didn’t want to think about the ramifications. If people understood that sex was fun? There was no greater danger.

He had personal experience with it — the danger of the knowledge, not the actual sex.

His younger sister, Fanny, had been seduced by carnality. And then combined it with commerce; it was as though she had been abducted by aliens. Of course, unlike an alien abduction, he could always see his sister if he went to his nearest web browser and typed in lustylasses.com.

It tore his heart out.

For Fanny, the journey had started out so innocently. She and some other college friends got together one night to have a Passion Party — like a Tupperware party, but with sex toys and lessons from evil sexucators on how to give a better … Mulva couldn’t even think of it.

Yep, the Passion Party was the gateway to the evils of the hardcore porn industry, and it was Mulva’s key focus. He would shut them down. He didn’t care if they were legal.

He had a calling. Greatness was thrust upon him.

Yep, Mulva thought, thrust. Thrust, thrust, thrust. Hmm, odd. Why would that word keep running through his head?

Inspired by:
Swelling demand for sex ed | Recruits sought for pr0n squad | lips by robyn’s nest

The Best of Me Symphony is worth a gander today, hosted as usual at The Owner’s Manual. In addition to an older edition of Ask General Kang, you’ll find an interesting post from Multiple Mentality called The Dinosaur Medium.

Also, check out the Conservative Cat’s weekend funny stuff

King Harald Hardråde of Norway Presents Invasion of England (slide 3)

• Why? Many good things to plunder
• Yes, pillage too
• (We are Vikings after all.)

King Harald Hardråde Initiates Battle at Gate Fulford (slide 10)

• Arrgh!

King Harold Godwinson of England Suggests Battle of Stamford Bridge (slide 2)

• Unfortunately, must force march to get there
• Yas, Vikings ARE fearsome
• Stiff upper lip, eh what?

English Traitor Earl Tostig Presents “Oops, Wrong Side” (slide 1)

• King Harold meet King Harald
• Very confusing, you see my liege
• That’s why I helped Vikings
• I see you’re not convinced.

King Harold Godwinson of England Presents Let’s Slaughter Vikings and Traitors (slide 6)

• Surprise them when they’re not wearing armor
• Kill Harald and Tostig
• Pointy hats my ass.

King Harold Celebrates Victory at Stamford Bridge (slide 3)

• Good show, the north is secure.
• Now, let’s go fight Normans at Hastings.
• I’m sure that will go well too. Pip, pip!

Battle of Stamford Bridge [September 25, 1066 AD] | prow by squirmelia

Welcome to the inaugural Carnival of Satire at The Skwib. This was a real pleasure to put together. As I suspected, there is some fine satire being produced by many a weblog, and I thought most of these posts were of really high quality. So no more blah, blah from me — on to the posts.

Ahistoricality at Ahistoricality introduces us to a concept that makes Atkins look like a health regime for sissies in Diet of the Penguins, which also gives us our first COS graphic.

As always, Laurence Simon at This Blog Is Full Of Crap produces cutting (and funny) satire; in this piece, he has a go at the US Supreme Court and the computing industry at the same time: Supreme Court Overturns Moore’s Law.

Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality brings us a good think piece (somewhere a Rolling Stone editor is wetting himself) on Where were our superheroes? Though the whole post isn’t satirical, its jumping-off point certainly is.

Having ridden on the Paris metro in August, I have a sense of where Mr. Satire at satire :: might have come up with Mephitic French PM de Villepin Suggests Shower and Soap To Combat Welfare Fraud

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents You Can’t Spell Urine Without U-N.

Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany presents Those Damn Great Democrats Part VIII – Mary Landrieu.

I really enjoyed this satire from Ellison at Blog d’Elisson who gives us short (dare I say Skwib-like fiction) in a beautiful satire of marketers called: THE HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, VERY BAD BREAKFAST CEREAL: A 100-WORD STORY

There is more food-related satire from Andy Clarkson at The Charlotte Capitalist who examines (in a longer post) the questionable methodology of the Charlotte “Food Board”

Bob at either orr takes the piss out of the Liberal Party of Canada for their corruption, and at the same time, a swipe at MasterCard’s so-spoofable ad campaign in Liberalcard

Sean Gleeson at Sean Gleeson presents a humorous take on the Roberts confirmation hearings in Confirmation Comics

And lastly, a submission from Mr. Snitch! at Mister Snitch! is absolutely brilliant! (Hmm… a lot of exclamation marks there.)

I love the original song, Hurricane, and this version of Dylan’s classic leaves no player in the whole Katrina debacle un-pierced. I’m sure you’ll enjoy: Here comes the story of the Hurricane. Incidentally, if you know of someone who is a Dylan imitator or stylist, Mr. Snitch wants to set the lyrics to the music. You can find out more at his website.

So that’s our first outing, and a successful one at that. If you’d like to join the Carnival of Satire, you’ll find all the details here. You can also check other up-to-date carnivals at the Blog Carnival and Ferdy’s carnival form. See you next week!

Welcome to The Skwib, your host for the 157th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities. Before we get on to the posts, a quick (shameless) plug for a new Carnival we’ve started here at The Skwib — The Carnival of Satire. If you’ve got satirical posts or feel an urge for satire coming on, please send them our way. Details are here, and the carnival form from Ferdy is here. Is it a form of satire to add another carnival to an already bulging list of them? Yes, yes, it is, but we just don’t care!

You will see there is no real attempt at organizing the posts, except for a handful that particularly appealed to The Skwib, for a variety of idiosyncratic reasons. No judgment is implied or offered. Our favorite category, humor, is at the end, and the posts we liked most of those are at the very end.

Enjoy!

The Skwib’s picks this week (in no particular order)

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
–Jack Handy

Laurence Simon at This Blog Is Full Of Crap sends an excellent post that does some much-needed fact checking in Revisionist history from the Houston Chronicle editorial staff. Now, we have not done our own research on the issues, so we’re just taking his word for it. That said, I’m willing to trust. It’s a reasoned, balanced argument, the kind that really, I would prefer to see in political posts. It also gets a nod of approval from Jay Tea at Wizbang in his post, “I’m serious damnit!”. He did not submit this post to the Carnival, but it rounds out the context for Simon’s piece, and it’s edifying to see two writers tackling issues in a serious tone, rather than with satire.

Chicken Little at Chicken Fried Life describes how it can sometimes be a challenge Relating To People At Work I found this posting particularly poignant, as will anyone who’s ever hurt someone else’s feelings in advertently.

FMF at Free Money Finance has some advice for anyone who is thinking about their post-secondary education, and what the return on investment can be in Is Your Degree Worth $1 Million — or Worthless?

David St Lawrence at Ripples: post-corporate adventures gives us quite an entertaining read about how the Blogads logo redesign has some “experts” in an uproar.

Miriam at miriam’s ideas suggests that I led an impoverished youth. This was a surprise to me.

Obi-Wan at Forward Biased asks some pretty uncomfortable questions, which nobody (including me) has had the guts to answer yet (at least not on in his comments) in: So–which side is right?

Big Picture Guy at Big Picture, Small Office presents A Day of Whine and Roses, which like Chicken Little’s post, is an engaging personal story about work.

Politics

And I’m neither left or right
I’m just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
– Leonard Cohen

Tom Bowler at Libertarian Leanings presents Bipartisan BS.

Robbie at UrbanGrounds presents When is it OK for Men to Cry?

Adam Gurri at Sophistpundit presents The entire content of the Roberts hearings: A Sophistpundit Exclusive!

Shamalama at Common Folk Using Common Sense presents What Are You Prepared To Do?

Gullyborg at Resistance is futile! presents Under who?

Dan Melson at Searchlight Crusade presents Some September 11 Thoughts

Charlie Quidnunc at Rip & Read Blogger Podcast presents Rip & Read Blogger Podcast: Roberts Hearings and commentary

Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany presents An Unwashed Hippie Liar

Mark Francis at Section 15 presents Rent Rape

Watcher at Watcher of Weasels presents Diary of a Mad White Woman

Tex at Tex the Pontificator presents a nicely balanced post in An Exercise in Comparison and Contrast

Rick Moran at Rightwing Nuthouse presents Outrage Fatigue.

Kevin Baker at The Smallest Minority presents They Never EVER Stop

John Ray at Dissecting Leftismpresents Leftism as Psychopathy

Dean Esmay at Dean’s World give us From the Mailbag: War

Attila at Pillage Idiot (great pun) presents a Roberts confirmation update

Matt Johnston at Going to the Mat presents Roberts and Affirmative Action Line Drawing

Ian Hamet at Banana Oil! presents A Model For Us All

Brian J. at Musings from Brian J. Noggle presents Who’s Afraid of Kelo Backlash?

Jon Hyman at Dodgeblogium presents Gaza Goes

David Cabana at Carnal Reason presents La Vida Loca.

Ruy Diaz at Western Resistance presents Iran, North Korea: How Stupid can “Pundits” Be?

The Bostonian Exile at Letters from the Bostonian Exile presents MSM Reports “Pledge Unconstitutional”, Misses Bigger Story.

Marketing, PR & Media

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
–Mark Twain

Barry Welford at The Other Bloke’s Blog suggests that Listening To Customers May Not Be Customer-Centric

Wayne Hurlbert at Blog Business World offers some good marketing and pr advice in Blog and website visitor traffic: Finding offline sources

Natalie Bennett at Philobiblon presents
Venus in the Dark: Blackness and Beauty in Popular Culture- Review

Mr. Snitch! at Mr. Snitch! bring us some good advice in So you want to be a newspaper publisher

Erick Erickson at Broadband Blog presents Congress’s Broadband Law

Environment & Katrina-related

It is better to meet danger than to wait for it. He that is on a lee shore, and foresees a hurricane, stands out to sea and encounters a storm to avoid a shipwreck.
–Charles Caleb Colton

Andy Clarkson at The Charlotte Capitalist asks Does The Sun Warm The Globe?

Sortapundit at Sortapundit presents The Spirit of a City

Reaganite at Reaganites Unite! presents Blank-O Alert!

Tex at Tex the Pontificator presents An Exercise in Comparison and Contrast

Ethics, Morality & Culture

Culture is roughly anything we do and the monkeys don’t.
–Lord Raglan

Muse at Shiloh Musings presents Lamentations.

Bussorah at Strange Justice argues What Utter Garbage: They Should Have Given Her a Medal.

Drew Burchett at Conservative Friends presents Feeling Sorry

Mark Olson at Pseudo-Polymath presents David and Achilles: The Openings

Eric Scheie from Classical Values presents Spoil the straps and spare the child!

Don Surber at Don Surber presents Creating Racism

Human Interest, Personal, How-To & Highway Safety

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.
–Oscar Wilde

Rahel at Elms in the Yard presents The Jerk Tax

Isaac Schrödinger at Isaac Schrödinger presents In Delirium

Kevin at Technogypsy presents phase diagrams

Russ Mitchell at Boxing Alcibiades gives some great advice on how to “huff fabric” to deal with your (among others) ragweed allergy in One Shot Sinus Headache Relief

Steve Pavlina at Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog presents How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert

Humor & Grotesquerie

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
–E. B. White

Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality presents Missing Out on Life Experiences

Mike Pechar at Interested-Participant presents this fairly odd bit of information in Man With Three Testicles. This is only in the humor section because I am a sick, sick man.

Ironman at Political Calculations presents series of one-liners in Statistics Anyone?

Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables presents A Pair of John Roberts Limericks

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Top 9 Obnoxiously Fake Katrina Quotes

Jack Cluth at The People’s Republic of Seabrook presents Another DUMB@$$ AWARD Wiener

Abnu at Wordlab is the only post to use the phrase “huge knobbled club” in
Giant Erections

And to finish off, here are:

Favorite picks in the humor category

The “nearly funny” Ed Adkins [his description, not mine]at ed adkins dot com presents the problem he’s having with a certain Canadian udder-licking celeb in Tom Green Wants You To Have Sex With Me. Also, there are grizzly bears in this post.

The Raving Atheist at The Raving Atheist presents Atheist Blogger Demolished by “Duh, It’s Faith” Comment

Harvey at Bad Example presents HURRICANE RELIEF FROM THE UN. (I particularly liked the use of the word hirsute.)

Ahistoricality at Ahistoricality gives us some food for thought in Diet of the Penguins. I love the concept of Extreme Adventure Dieting. May I suggest that the creature the dieters must protect is a tapeworm? That would make the whole thing even more extreme.

Thanks to one and all for the great reading and the chance to host this puppy. Next week the Carnival moves on to expatriates unite, and you can find more information about this grand-pappy of carnivals at the natal host of the Carnival of the Vanities Siflay Hraka.

And remember, we’d love to see your satire for our first edition of The Carnival of Satire.