A few spooky carnivals and links to make note of this morning. At The Owner’s Manual, you’ll find the Best of Me Symphony, which features the Frankenstein Edition of the Lost PowerPoint Slides. There is freaky, funny stuff at Conservative Cat. There was a special spooky Carnival of the Insanities posted at Dr. Sanity yesterday. And what better day to celebrate the Carnival of the Godless, hosted by A Rational Being? (Who irrationally didn’t use The Skwib’s entry.)

And don’t forget to check out the Carnival of Liberty..

• You freak out whenever someone plays the top notes on the piano keyboard.
• You refuse to say: “wait here, I’ll be right back.”
• You are with an extremely hot person of the opposite sex, who wants to gratify your most depraved urges. Yet, you say no. No way. Everyone knows if you have sex, you die.
• You cannot answer the phone. Particularly at night.
• You’re in the grocery store. Your spouse wants to separate to get the shopping done faster. Un uh. That’s almost as bad as having sex.
• You start wearing rear-view mirrors.
• Your briefcase is filled with garlic, wolvesbane, silver bullets, wooden stakes, crosses, holy water and the report that you didn’t get done because you were too busy catching up on your Necronomicon reading.
• You have a video of yourself apologizing to everyone’s mother for getting them killed.
• In your opinion, Halloween is worst day of the year.

Original photo by DerrickT

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 2)

We interrupt this program to bring you a news bulletin:

• strange explosions on Mars
• meteorite landed in Grover’s Mill, New Jersey.

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 3)

• reporter Carl Philips here at landing site
• large crowd watching Martian rocket ship open up
• heat rays vaporize people in crowd
• O the humanity!

Dwayne Lunchbucket, listening to the radio in Schenectady, NY, presents “I’m freakin’ out” (only slide)

• Martians, Martians!
• Aiiiiii!

[sound of front door slamming after I run out of house, screaming like a little girl]

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 7)

• Martians spraying poison gas
• US Army can’t stop them
• total annihilation imminent.

Radio-listening public presents “hey, let’s panic!” (several thousand slides, repeated over and over)

• is it really Martians?
• no, must be a mistake, it’s the Germans!
• The Germans have invaded?
• Yep, Germans!
• Aiiiii!

Orson Wells presents “it’s just a play people” (slide 6)

• once again, we remind you that this is just a play
• a performance by The Mercury Theater
• I am boy genius, Orson Wells, and we will serve no drama before its time.

Inspired by:
Anniversary of original radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds, October 30, 1938

Vera was pretty sure she didn’t want to eat this, even if she could win $50,000 and her shot at the big time.

Then again, it was hardly worse than what she’d had in her mouth the night before.

U.S. President Grover Cleveland Dedicates “Liberty Enlightening the World” on October 28, 1886 (slide 2)

• gift from France, another sister in liberty, celebrating the centenary of the Declaration of Independence
• without France, America would not have been free
• an alliance of friendship and respect
• yep, America will never forget this. We’ll always be friends.

French sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi presents ideas for statue in 1867 (slide 6)

• liberty is a big idea, therefore, big statue
• a new colossus
• needs a hot model (not wife)

Slides from Emma Lazarus poem “The New Colossus” in 1883 (second last slide)

Give me:

• tired
• poor
• huddled masses yearning to breathe free

Also:

• wretched refuse
• homeless, tempest-tossed.

Taylor finds ruined statue half-buried on beach and presents scenery chewing rant number three (only slide)

• You maniacs! You blew it up!
• Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Inspired by:
anniversary of dedication | original photo by bencwright

Welcome to the sixth Carnival of Satire at The Skwib. We’d like to congratulate TAN-Man at The Assimilated Negro for winning the first Exploding Skwib Award, which means we really liked his post, If We Bring Back The Slave Days, Look At The Cool Products We’ll Have!! A copy of The Amadeus Net is, as you read this, on its way to our newest Swift.

Onto this week’s satire:

We don’t know much about Cabarrus County, North Carolina, but we think that Justin Thibault at The View From The Cheap Seats might be onto something big with his Proposal for a New Caucus System: Cabarrus Idol.

Kid Various at The Idiom examines the issue of gorilla endorsements in Get Your Stinkin’ Paws Off Me You Damn, Dirty Ape!

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face discovers some disturbing things about the crimes that Hussein is being charged with in Accepting Unlicensed U.S. Military A** Whupping Tops New Hussein Charges. Thag is particularly worried about the “spelunking while intoxicated” law. He really enjoys being blotto in the grotto.

Tommy at Striving For Average produces a category one bit of satire in Paper Towels

Pluto’s Dad at Pluto’s Page discovers there is hope for all the unmarried North American losers out there in Trouble Finding a Wife? Check out Chechnya! Continue reading…

El Capitan at Baboon Pirates does an excellent job hosting the Carnival of the Vanities this week, and there is a hairball of funny available at the Conservative Cat this morning too.

The most recent Storyblogging Carnival is up at Back of the Envelope. There are some nifty short stories there, including the Sad Story of Princess Helga. (I have a weakness for fairy tales, though I think the tale may be mis-titled.)

The Carnival of Liberty is also available now at Eric’s Grumbles Before the Grave.

And it wouldn’t be an O-Rama, if we didn’t feature something else, so here is where you can learn to build your own Dalek. Totally pointless, though I know James will like it.

KASSEL, Germany (The Skwib) — Nazi raccoons have swept through the German woodlands like so many divisions of panzers, and now, they have started taking over the cities.

“Yes, they were introduced by Hermann Göring in the 30s, and have laid low until now,” Burkhard Kuester, Deputy Minister of Natural Resources and Tourism (MNRT) told The Skwib. “But they have started to take over our cities. Kassel is theirs, and Frankfurt will be next.”

Despite efforts to control the jackbooted pests, their numbers have grown, possibly because of support from many Germans.

“We think the raccoons are just great. I mean, they’re cute, and I like their moxy,” Heinrich Fuchs said, visiting Kassel for the first Raccoon Rally planned by the National Raccoon party. “I hope they do take over Frankfurt next. They have promised to sort out our problem with other pests, and I for one welcome it.”

Other residents of Frankfurt are not as sanguine about the possibility of swarms of swastika-bedecked Procyon lotor eating their garbage and ruling all of Europe.

“I remember the 30s,” pensioner Ingeborg Baader and longtime resident of Kassel said. “We missed our chance in Kassel, but the rest of the country should fight them while they can.”

It may already be too late. Hundreds of thousands of the bandit-faced carnivores have been spotted in Luxembourg, Belgium, France and the Czech Republic.

Inspired by:
Nazi Raccoons on the March in Europe

In 17th century, James Ussher (Primate of Ireland) presents: 6000 years, give or take (slide 2)

• So, first day of Creation was October 23, 4004 BC.
• That means Great Flood was 2348 BC.
• If only we could get this included in King James version of the Bible, then everyone would know it.

In pre-Columbian Palenque, Jerry the Shaman presents the sacred text “Popol Vuh” (slide 13)

• Earth created or August 13, 3114 BC (long count: 13.0.0.0.0)
• Next time long count is at 13.0.0.0.0 is Dec. 21, 2012
• Don’t worry, that’s a Bactun; the end of universe is October 13, 4772.

In 1927, Jesuit priest Georges Lemaître presents Le Grand Boom-Boom (slide 3)

• derived the Friedmann-Lemaître-Robertson-Walker equations
• the recession of spiral nebulae shows the universe began with the “explosion” of a “primeval atom”
• therefore Le Grand Boom-Boom.