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Archive | October, 2005

Carnival of Satire #5

By on October 20, 2005 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of SatireWelcome to The Skwib and the fifth Carnival of Satire! We’ll get straight to the satire and humor, and forgo the usual happy talk.

To open up this week’s carnival, we have The Assimilated Negro (TAN Man) at The Assimilated Negro, who breaches an uncomfortable subject, and induces uncomfortable silence with Breaking News: Tough Guy Wonders What Male Friends Are Thinking.

Tommy at Striving For Average is anything but in this lampoon of the Dean of Scream in, The Magic Finger.

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face made us larf out with Bush Opens Up Michael Moore’s Strategic Oil Reserves.

Hazzard at Everybody Loves Your Money wins the satire-in-waiting award this week for Need to save some money? Here are some Ideas. This is so close, we had to include it.

REAL Teen at Real Teen- Right on the Right announces that Right on the Right will start a Satire Press.

TAN Man at The Assimilated Negro sends a second installment of satire with, Go Ahead Steal My Identity, Please .

General Kang was extremely worried to see that Vox Poplar at Vox Poplar Is right About Everything & Don’t You Forget It! is starting his own advice column: ASK UNCLE VOX.

TekTak F. Mechanoid at The MoxArgon Group presents the best of inter-galactic punditry with Point/Counterpoint #3: Judging Pets and Pets that Judge

Mr. Right at The Right Place presents Ronnie Earle Indicts Much of Texas on Conspiracy Charges

Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents Another Spam Tragedy

a4g at Point Five gives us what can only be called razor-sharp satire in From The Rubble, A Tale Of Faith.

Brandon Bibb at Grapevine’s Sports Ramblings takes the next logical step in Stern Institutes Maximum Hair Length Code.

And wrapping up the Carnival of Satire this week, we have Don Surber at Don Surber who presents a great spoof of the Washington Post in Karl Rove’s Garage Stage Managed. Thag suggested that perhaps the oil stain they saw on Rove’s garage floor was in fact a bit of the strategic reserves in Michael Moore that spilled. That Thag. He may be a caveman, but he’s sharp.

See you next week, when we will (for sure) announce the first winner of the Swift Award.

Remember you can submit here with this handy form, and the COS is listed at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival.

Who invited Jean Canada to the party?

By on October 19, 2005 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

Lady Denmark Cordially Invites and cigarLady Denmark was thrilled to host the annual gathering of the world’s richest. She had been chosen to host for two reasons — her housekeeping staff, who kept the Denmark mansion impeccably clean, and because she was so trustworthy.

She wasn’t as honest as Jennifer Iceland, nor as honest as that leggy blonde bombshell, Lola Finland, but Lady Denmark was known to be almost as upright as Bob Zealand. (Bob was a bit of a slob, but otherwise an okay sort.)

The novel entertainment was put on by a group of children from some nation that she’d never heard of — probably poor as dirt — but they could dance really well. Then a string quartet on loan from that lovely Lord Sweden started playing. Drinks were served, and the glitterati enjoyed the evening; laughter and the buzz of cultured conversation filled the air.

Then Jean Canada arrived. You could tell because the stench of cigarette smoke preceded him. He gazed over the crowd with bloodshot eyes, and they settled on her.

“Oh dear,” she whispered to Jennifer, “He’s coming over here.” Lady Denmark and Jean had once been good friends, but he’d really let himself go in the last few years, and they’d been fighting about a footstool he’d once given her.

Jean Canada slumped his way over, ash dripping from his cigarette all over Lady Denmark’s once-immaculate carpet. He was a bit drunk, and weaved a between the revelers. Then Gunter Germany distracted him. Gunter was dressed in an impressive Italian suit, and groomed to perfection, but everybody knew you couldn’t trust him. He pulled Jean into a conversation, clearly conducting some kind of shady business deal.

Oh thank god, thought Lady Denmark. If Gunter kept him occupied, the evening wouldn’t be a total bust. At least Jacque Belgium had sent his regrets.

Then she heard the boom-box, smelled the hideously unrefined stench of cigar smoke, and she knew the party was ruined.

Uncle Sam had decided to come after all.

Inspired by:
Suzuki pollution rankings — Canada 28 of 30 | Transparency International corruption index — Canada slips to 14 of 17 | Cigar by darkripper Continue Reading →

Carnival Catch-up

By on October 19, 2005 in General Skwib

The Skwib is a tad tardy in noting carnivals, except for today’s funny stuff at Conservative Cat.

Yesterday there was the lengthy and now two-year-old Carnival of the Capitalists, hosted at BusinessPundit, and the Carnival of Liberty, hosted at Searchlight Crusade.

You may enjoy the Carnival of Crazy at File it Under, which has some funny stuff too, including the hilarious link to a story about squirrels addicted to crack. The Carnival of the Vanities is now available at The World According to Nick, with a very funny description of The Skwib’s entry, Cheese Pirates.

The Skwib’s Top 10 Top … What-Ever … List (Edition #1)

By on October 18, 2005 in But is it art?, General Skwib, Parody & Satire

Top whatever listfor Tuesday, October 18, 2005:

Yay! Lists! We love lists! They make life so easy. So ordered. But wait, we can hear you saying, how do we know which lists we should read, and which lists we should ignore? What are the best lists of the day? Look no farther, for we have simplified your list lust.

Here they are, the top 10 lists of today:

10. Weblog Usability: Top Ten Design Mistakes. Yes, design advice from an expert who doesn’t understand the rule of thirds! (Look at his home page, and you’ll see what we mean.)

9. The Top 40 Magazine Covers of the Last 40 Years. Why 40 years? Cause 50 years seems kind of lame, and 100 years is too much work.

8. The Top 50 Sci-Fi Movies in the Science Fiction Film Canon. Hosted by Whatever. Seriously.

7. In this spot, we have a tie: the Top Ten Conservative Idiots, No. 218 and the Amazon.co.uk Hot 100 DIY & Tools, and only because the number one item is a chain saw. Two questions: Why would so many people want a chainsaw in Britain. It’s not like the island is still covered with forests. And, who the hell buys a chainsaw online?

6. 20 Best License-Free Official Fonts. Hmmm, this is actually kind of useful. We’re declaring this list a sarcasm-free zone.

5. Top 117 Cromulent Made-Up Words in the Simpsons. While not officially promulgated as a Top What-Ever List, this is nevertheless, heavily linked today and dare we say, unblowupable.

4. TNR Top 10 of 2005. How does one come up with a top ten list for a whole year in October? You have to be subversive and think for yourself. That said, there is some interesting stuff here.

3. Top 50 Most Unwired College Campuses. Wow, it sucks to be on this list. It’s the web equivalent of being on the Top 50 Guys Most Likely to End Up Living In His Parents’ Basement, or the Top 50 Dudes Who Will Remain Virgins Until They Pay for It lists.

2. Top 250 movies as voted by our users, from the Internet Movie Database, which is having its 15th year anniversary this week. Apparently, the formula they use for producing this list gives a true Bayesian estimate, which sounds very scientific, and somewhat naughty, and it is exactly how The Skwib produced this list.

1. The 100 Best English Language Novels from 1923 to the Present. Who thought such a list was even possible to compile? Hey, it’s easy if only two people have to agree.

Monday roundup

By on October 17, 2005 in General Skwib

Some good stuff out there this Monday morning. From the Carnival of the Godlesss, hosted by the common man (actual name of the blog) to the Best of Me Symphony at The Owner’s Manual, hosted by Sigmund Freud. If you’re only going to read one post from these collections (I mean, assuming you’ve already read The Skwib entries) then check out Dog is just “god” spelled backwards, a tail of the zen of unspeakable acts (yes, pun intended).

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Wilde Wit Edition)

By on October 17, 2005 in The Lost PowerPoints

Oscar Wilde photoThe Picture of Dorian Gray (three slides)

  • There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
  • There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
  • The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

The Importance of Being Earnest (two slides)

  • The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!
  • It is absurd to have hard and fast rules about what one should and shouldn’t read. More than half of modern culture depends upon what one shouldn’t read.

Other Epigrams (six slides)

  • As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
  • There is no sin except stupidity.
  • America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
  • I am not young enough to know everything.
  • The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.
  • The only thing I can’t resist is temptation.

Inspired by:
Oscar Wilde’s B-day, Oct. 17, 1854 | More quotes please