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Archive | March, 2006

We can’t even really satirize this stuff

By on March 14, 2006 in But is it art?, General Skwib

We’re not sure if Ananova is to be taken seriously or not. Quite often the stories there are reported elsewhere, and earlier, from other more “believable’ news sources. Here are a couple of “quirky” stories from the news organ in question that struck our fancy. While you’re reading the first story, keep in mind that Mark is 1/4 Scots. (And bloody proud of it!)

Angus McNasty attempts to prove every stereotype of Scotsmen in one go

The evidence:

  • Drunk
  • Too cheap to pay for drinks
  • Argumentative
  • Kilt-wearing
  • Kilt lifting
  • Not wearing anything under said garment (regimental)
  • Passes out when arrested.

Amusing details here.

Dog nearly bites off man’s penis

Mark read this story and immediately had a few questions:

  • why do all these freaky stories happen in Germany?
  • what kind of sicko plays with his brother’s Jack Russell while he’s naked, particularly when his brother’s girlfriend is present?
  • what kind of demented woman laughs as her dog savages her in-law’s private parts?

Gory details here.

More satire later. Promise.

Cowboy leg and ginger bumping milk (hot)

By on March 13, 2006 in But is it art?

Need a laugh? Go read the excerpts of a (badly hilariously ) translated menu at rahoi.com. This reminded Dr. Tundra of his “lost season” in Thailand, where he was invited at his hotel to: “feel free to use our laundress.”

Warning: menu may contain some references to cannibalism.

We will return to our regularly schedule satire tomorrow.

Ask General Kang: What advice would you have for a leader who has got his country into a war without a plan for winning?

By on March 13, 2006 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangHmm, this is a very topical question. I can think of at least a couple of world leaders in this position.

Unfortunately, you’re well and truly fracked, as they say on the flight deck of the Galactica. (Which is a great TV show, but totally implausible. I mean what kind of intergalactic fleet of cyborg oppression doesn’t have plasma weapons? And I’ve yet to see a single tutu. You can’t fight a proper war without tutus.)

But as your ancient sage, Sun Tzu, said: “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”

So, you have to plan to win before you even THINK about going to battle. I learned this lesson the hard way when I invaded Edmontovia XIII without planning on how my army of fruit-loving, warm-weather chimps would deal with the harsh cold. Luckily, I did not commit all my forces, and I was able to retreat to fight again another day.

So that would be my advice. Regroup and fight another day. Or you could try slapping some tutus on your soldiers. That always helps morale.

Next time: I’ve just opened an ancient device of great and mysterious power. And my face seems to melting. Any advice?

The Carnival of Satire (#24)

By on March 9, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#24)We know, we know. Why is there a picture of Dr. Tundra’s Norse Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) fouling an otherwise beautiful web page? You will have to scroll through this week’s Carnival of Satire to discover why. (You may be asking yourself what the heck is the Norse FSM? Dr. Tundra has founded his own religious cult, a schism from the original Pastafarianism belief.) But on to an excellent COS this week:

J.C. Wilmore at The Richmond Democrat made General Kang snarf coffee through his nose with a new dismotivation poster “Prevarication”.

Ahistoricality, discovered this wonderful bit of satire on politically correct advice: Ex Libris – What to do when you meet someone who is differently-abled.

International Women’s Day was yesterday, and Coyote Howls put us on to this song from Pink . Her satire is itself kind of ironic (we mean, she does an all-to0-believable job of looking like the thing she’s satirizing), but we still had to admire it. (Thag especially, that dog.)

In keeping with yesterday’s celebration of women, Joan Conde at Mamacita has a new take on an old fable, Cindermom: A Single Parent Fable.

But back to women. Peace Moonbeam, at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, presents Hare Trigger. Be careful Peace — that rabbit’s dynamite! Continue Reading →

Stories in ‘Celebration’ of International Women’s Day

By on March 8, 2006 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

International Women's DayShe’s the homecoming king!
Yep, that’s right, a lesbian at Hood College, a liberal arts school in Maryland won the vote fair and square, beating out three men. We’re not exactly sure what a homecoming king is, or why you would want to be one, but all the best Jennifer Jones for winning the honor.

South Dakota bans most abortions
It’s o-ffic-ial ladies, yer wombs belong to the gents of South Dakota. It could be worse. The Al Swearengens of the world could run things, and then they’d own the external bits too.

Porn star shows flair for full-bodied wine
We don’t even need to satirize this one. We’ll just quote it:

Roberto Cipresso, one of Italy’s most respected winemakers, has startled the oenological world by going into business with Savanna Samson, a curvaceous New York blonde whose last film earned her the porn industry’s highest award for best all-girl sex scene.

The improbable collaboration between the X-film actress and the former papal vintner has produced a big surprise: a highly acclaimed Italian red wine that has been described as earthy, luscious and full-bodied – and that’s just Samson’s picture on the label.