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Archive | March, 2006

Carnival O-Rama

By on March 8, 2006 in General Skwib

Thanks to the following carnivals for allowing The Skwib to pollute the net!

Ask General Kang: What do you think of Margaret Atwood’s Long Pen invention?

By on March 6, 2006 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangIt’s freakin’ brilliant!

I mean, now when I write my best-selling autobiography (I haven’t decided whether to call it I AM KANG, or APOLOGIA OF A SPACE CHIMP) I won’t have to rub shoulders with the great unwashed masses on my book tour. Of course, at the same time, they won’t be able to partake of my own pleasant and musky personal odor, but this way I’ll be able to scrawl my illegible Kang Hancock on a lot more copies.

Everybody wins! (Well, except for the fans who actually want to meet me.)

The only problem that I can foresee is if the Long Pens become self-aware, and stage a some kind of global insurrection. Atwood should probably install some kind of failsafe device so that the pens can’t start talking with nuclear weapons, convincing the nukes to infringe on our liberties. (300,000 degrees Celsius will certain prevent us from watching Desperate Housewives or Zoroastrian worship.)

If we can prevent that, then probably the worst the self-aware Long Pen will do is try to embarrass the author on the other end by writing things like: “I’m a dreary hack” and “I couldn’t find a plot if it bit me in the ass.”

Next time: I like to use the word “sartorial”, does this make me a pretentious wanker?

The Carnival of Satire (#23)

By on March 3, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of SatireOkay, we’re back. Not sure what happened to our database, but it restored everything but yesterday’s Carnival, so here it is again. We were a little light on submissions this week at The Carnival of Satire, so we’ve “fleshed” it out with a few pieces of satire that we found. We’ll start with a found piece, and then alternate with a submitted item.

General Kang was really freaked out when he read this story about a Paris Hilton-like celebrity who gets a conscience transplant. He felt better when we said it was science fiction, and satire. We hope you enjoy The Jiminy Device by Lisa Mantchev at Futurismic

Dean Swift at A Swiftian Rant takes the piss out of marketing surveys in this inspired piece called Going National.

Long War Incorporated, by Mark Fiore is almost too on the nose to be considered satire, still we enjoyed it and it was brand new as of Wednesday. (Hat tip to Uncomfortably Numb.)

Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables goes for the family jewels in Bye-Bye Balls

All you gentlemen meat-marketers, pay attention. This list from Jenna at Girlspoke explains how those women are subtly saying no.

Pluto’s Dad at Eyes On The Ball News presents CBS: Scientists Create New Number for Bush’s Low Approval Rating

And part of the reason for that, the ports thing, is illustrated ably by the folks at Point Five, who did not submit this brilliant spoof, but which we include anyway: Dubai Ports World — They’re Just Like Us.

Tommy at Striving For Average presents The News Special Effects

This photo about the perils of outsourcing is making the rounds. Heh. ( Hat tip to Silly Humans.)

And taking us home is Peace Moonbeam, at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, who presents Leftist Love.

Once again, our apologies for our disappearance shortly after publishing the COS, and thanks to everyone for their submissions. Remember you can submit here with this handy form; the COS is listed at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too.

What Is Bavalife?

By on March 1, 2006 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

Bavalife logoWelcome to Bavalife. Where singles click — their mouse or their hooves.

Bavalife is a new brand…a new community…a new world…a new vision for single life. Bavalife is solely dedicated to enhancing the lives of singles: men, women … goats … any ungulate really.

More specifically, Bavalife offers singles anytime, anywhere connections that make single life a positive, fulfilling and self-esteem building experience through interspecies opportunities, antisocial interaction and a like minded community of ideas and cloven hoof information.

We recognize that all human beings have the need to interact with goats. Our history is filled with elaborate courting rituals and traditions. While our society may have changed, our need to be social and to connect with ungulates hasn’t. That’s why Bavalife was created. We’re a global brand and the world’s largest independent provider of technology-based meeting services designed to create barnyard possibilities for singles.

‘Inspired’ by:
Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat