Perhaps, even allow self-starvation, as long as the dessert is a certain bullet. This is great satire, though I’m not sure the author meant it to be.

Welcome to the 40th Carnival of Satire, where we have satire that’s transcendent, transhuman (including the transpapal), transgendered and, we hope, transgressive.

A special thanks to Ahistoricality for finding The Straight Man’s Guide to Lousy Sex at Susie Bright’s Journal. Though to be fair, we think about 80 percent of straight men don’t need a guide.

Ali Eteraz has satire so deep and dark you’ll need a spelunking helmet and headlamp in: Muslim Satirists Commit Mass Suicide.

Buckley F. Williams has news of the New York Times revealing Timmy Durgin’s Hiding Place.

More treats from Ahistoricality, who has also found a discussion of How to Survive a Robot Uprising, Revisited. We have blogged about this book, but have yet to purchase it, mostly because we’re jealous we didn’t think of it first. And on a related note, there’s this satirical quiz: what kind of transhuman are you?

Anonymous Educator digs up more dirt as a member of the Beautification Committee.
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If you need to lose some weight, consider turning off that central air.

According to a study from an obesity researcher at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, too many Twinkies and not enough time on the treadmill are not the only factors leading to obesity.

Not getting enough sleep contributes to weight gain, as does keeping your home warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

They drew up a list of factors other than calorie intake and exercise that may be leading to higher obesity rates, including a few provocative suggestions:

• social stigma around smoking (tobacco)
• fewer concentration camps (Gitmo notwithstanding)
• decreased popularity of heroine
• a decline in the tapeworm population.

In the end it comes down to calories in and calories expended, but it’s good to know there may be other forces at work. Of course, it’s hard to fight obesity when there are outrages like the Twinkies Cookbook.

The science here:
Air con and lack of sleep promote obesity

Dennis Miller once described his role in Murder at 1600 as the “exposition eunuch”, and now he’s becoming just that when it comes to satire.

We just watched “All In”, his latest HBO special. Sure, he can still crack wise when it comes to cultural issues, and he can still turn a phrase (his observations about obesity are particularly funny). But he’s kind of lost it on the political front by giving Dubya and company a pass. So, watch the first half, for sure, but you might lose interest in the second part. Seriously. Given the mendacity of the White House, the best he can do is make tired jokes about French cowardice?

Saddam was funnier last week when he started a hunger strike after lunch and ended it before dinner.

Also, one of them has to change their look. Of course, that’s just our opinion, we could be wrong.

If General Kang isn’t enough, find more culturally inappropriate material at the Carnival of the Insanities.

And of course, there’s the opposite — the very appropriate Will Rogers hosts the Best of Me Symphony.

A serious note for a minute. In Mark’s non-writing life, he is a freelancer. He has started a new venture, called SearchProf, which will focus on search engine optimization (SEO) and web consulting services. If you know of anyone looking for help with either the search engines or for communications/marketing help as it relates to their website and Internet strategies, have them check out the SearchProf site.

Found right here, at Rethink (IP).

Welcome to the 39th edition of The Carnival of Satire, where our correspondents wax ironic or just monkey around with a little parody.

We’ll start this week with Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables has a masterful limerick only a woman could write (and get away with): Ann’s Master Plan.

Jon Swift has reasons why The Retirement of Bill Gates from Microsoft Is No Big Deal

Furries creep out Thag. And apparently they do the same for Kneon Transitt, as you’ll see with Real-life furries just around the corner?.

We have decided BiBi Cambridge’s The Street finds its own use for Technology (or BlueJacking) is satire. If it’s not, BiBi, shame on you.

On the topic of mobiles, Ahistoricality turned up A Sermon, on the Current Disputes Over Turning Off Cellphones in the British Library Reading Rooms; Delivered on June 20, 2006, in Islington (at The Little Professor.)
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Some great stuff happened on the weekend/this morning, including:

The Best of Me Symphony, hosted by Emo Phillips at the Owner’s Manual

The Early Modern Carnivalesque, in which we learn about what the puritans thought of face patches.

Update: And getting in just under the Monday wire, the Storyblogging carnival.

by Ross, guest columnist and gastronomic daredevil

So, a colleague of mine shows up to work today with several jars of kimchi. “Kimchi,” he explains, “is a staple of the Korean diet.” Peering into the jar, I think to myself, “Does the Korean diet include bloody chunks of carcass?”

Turns out that kimchi is actually cabbage, pickled in red chili paste, and then placed in clay pots and buried for three years. This particular kimchi is young, apparently, at “only” three months of age. Spicy, rotted, fermenting cabbage? Deeeeee-lish!

It occurs to me that there’s something not quite right here. Then I realize what it is: Presentation! When I was a line cook, we covered up all sorts of nastiness just by adding extra parsley, or a nicer-looking plate. Unfortunately, nothing can cover up the distinctive taste of “floor spice.”

I’m admiring my culinary craftsmanship when all of a sudden, my supervisor sticks his nose in and says, “Back home in Georgia we have a saying: Anyone who would eat that, but refuse to eat dog turds, is just plain stubborn.”

Right, like corn-pone with fried possum is some gourmet shit. Jerkoff!

Okay, down the gullet. I write a quick letter to my stomach lining, saying gentle words and that I’ll miss it terribly.

My face is easily as red as the kimchi. God-DAMN. This is Satan’s coleslaw.

About Ross, Gastronomic Daredevil

Ross Armstrong is a raconteur, imbiber of scotch and eater of things that he probably shouldn’t. Donations to help pay for his gastroenterologist and psychotherapy bills can be sent via Paypay (click on donate button on sidebar).