NEW YORK (The Skwib) — Despite recent moves to eliminate the use of trans-fats from its fare, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) is still addictive.

“Yes, there is still a problem with this so-called ‘food’,” Dr. Finn Gerliken, Director of the Institute for a Widening America (IWA), told The Skwib.

The IWA and other consumer groups have applauded KFC for making the move, even though some of their menu items, such as biscuits still use the deadly fat.

“However, we have run some tests in our labs, and it seems the Colonel is more addictive than ever,” Dr. Gerlicken said.

“And it has double the self-loathing effect if you do succumb to your fortnightly urge to consume their fried chicken. I had four pieces just last night, and I’m still feeling intense shame. Please, stop looking at me,” Dr. Gerlicken said.

An average American eats 4.7 pounds of trans fats a year, and the oil is used as a shortening in baked goods like cookies, crackers and doughnuts, as well as in deep frying. Trans fats increase coronary heart disease by increasing bad cholesterol and decreasing good cholesterol.

KFC was unavailable for comment.

The actual news | Original photo by indi.ca

Notes from the Underground (circa 1864)–> slide 1

• I am a sick man…
• I am a spiteful man.
• I am an unpleasant man.
• I think my liver is diseased.
• Also, I’m not much fun at parties.

Crime and Punishment (circa 1866)–> slide 12

• Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth.
• Nothing easier than flattery.
• Except maybe nonsense: wacka, wacka, woo!

The Idiot (circa 1868)–> slide 2

Lack of originality:

• it’s everywhere, all over the world.

This lack is considered the foremost quality and the recommendation of men who are:

• active
• efficient
• practical.

The Brothers Karamazov (circa 1880)–> slide 22

A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies:

• unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else
• ends up losing respect for himself and for others
• can no longer love
• indulges in the lowest form of pleasure
• behaves like an animal in satisfying his vices
• also ends up being a drag at parties.

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche presents that Dostoevsky dude (circa 1887)–> slide 4

• regrettable that no Dostoevsky lived near Jesus
• Dostoevsky was the only psychologist from whom I had anything to learn
• wacka wacka woo!

This week’s Best of Me Symphony can be found at Dodgeblogium.

We’re not sure why you’re here on a Sunday night, but seeing as you are, here’s some stuff that may interest you surf-monkeys, sourced from our blogroll:

Ahistoricality has found a Literary Personality Quiz. Mark was a work of Classic literature, which sounds, at first blush, much better than it is: A classic is something that someone wants to say they have read, but never actually reads, right?

Steve at the Poutine Diaries has 10-second tv reviews. Go read, and ask him to write more!

And Joe at Assorted Nonsense has found some kind of freaky “separated at birth” gizmo from My Heritage.com. If you go to this one, you’ll probably be able to fill the rest of your evening. BTW, if you’d like to see Mark’s matches, you’ll find them here. Clearly, that “y” chromosome was unfortunate.

More Halloweenie carnivals to freak you out:
The Carnival of the Godless, put together most excellently this edition at The Skeptic Rant.

And what’s more frightening then going insane? See here at the Carnival of the Insanities.

T’lakdo looked up at the massive stone archway, shadows playing with the light pouring through the broken windows, and felt an intense melancholy.

It was his second trip to the planet that its inhabitants had once called Earth, and the place had changed. On his first visit, T’lakdo had found the third planet from the sun a charming, if barbaric place. The dominant species, who called themselves human beings, were intriguing to T’lakdo. He’d been to many inhabited worlds, but found few that were so absorbed by their own mythologies that they had devoted most of their resources to celebrating them.

An archeologist by training, T’lakdo had been able to see that since the species had developed an agricultural society, they had been creating amazing structures. Monuments to their gods. They used whatever technologies they had, and pushed their limits. The structure called Stonehenge was already thousands of years old when he visited Earth the first time. And at that point, the humans had advanced enough to create soaring buildings, also out of stone.

They were called cathedrals, and they were magnificent; he’d never seen anything like them before on any world.

But they came with a terrible cost. Continue reading…

As Halloween approaches, so does the creeping horror, or at least a few carnivals with horrific themes.

First off, check out the Carnival of Cinema, which has some frightening posts (and reviews).

The mad scientists are at it in The Tangled Bank, over at Thoughts from Kansas.

We were pleased (though some regular Skwib readers may be horrified) to see us mentioned at The Carnival of the Liberals. It’s spooky how we can swing both right and left.

And as always, Friday features the Ark, where your fuzzy needs can be brushed into a fine glossy coat.

SearchProf is Mark’s other main web venture. Based in London, Ontario (Canada), his consultancy can help you get the most out of your web communications. His main focus is on search engine optimization, though he does consult on other web issues as well.

He can increase your exposure and ranking with the search engines and he can provide guidance and expertise on how to improve your online marketing and communications efforts. More information is available at the SearchProf site:

SearchProf — search engine optimization services in London, Ontario.

Welcome to The Carnival of Satire, where the ticker has turned over to 52; so yes, this is the anniversary, though we’ve actually been doing this for more than a year. It prompts an enigmatic smile. We had a few brave souls present some satire that wasn’t their own, and we’d like to start with them.

Madeleine Begun Kane jumped right into the spirit of finding other people’s satire, even though she does a fine job of producing it every week. She brings us: SEINFELD GOES TO BAGHDAD, TO VISIT THE WAR ABOUT NOTHING.

Ahistoricality is a master at unearthing satire, and this week proves no exception, with: Habeas Corpse.

And Madeleine Begun Kane went above and beyond the call, by also finding Limbaugh Denies Going Off Meds to Criticize Fox. Continue reading…

Hiroshi was spending the rest of his vacation at the Hotel-Dieu hospital, next to Notre Dame cathedral. Not that he thought of himself as Hiroshi anymore.

Oh no, he was Joan of Arc.

Why Joan of Arc was obsessed with ripping fishnet stockings off Parisian women of a certain age, he was unable to explain to the psychologist.

The Paris Syndrome had struck again.

‘Inspired’ by:
Paris causes Japanese tourists to go insane | Pink Box