GrrlScientist has discovered an Escher painting of the Bush Administration Showing Us The Way Out of Iraq.

The festive season is upon us and Drink at Work is doing a marvelous series of lost holiday specials; we liked an evening with Rudolph.

The Banterist has more accurate Wikipedia warnings. (Link goes to a non-blog site.)

Madeleine Begun Kane has an astute Ode To Prosperity.

Jesus’ General has a review of Hot House Flowers that is worth checking out.

Anticipating The Skwib’s upcoming holiday gift guide, Jennifer Miner has the sarcastic What Not to Buy for Christmas: This holiday season’s worst gift ideas. Continue reading…

Judging by the number of comments this grad student’s research on meme spread and speed is doing okay, but you can be part of the study if you like. Just go read the post and follow the instructions.

Baaaa, baaaa, baaa.

VIENNA (The Skwib) — An angry Santa Claus was seen a bit earlier than expected this year, flying above the city hall of the Austrian capital.

Instead of bringing gifts and joy, the less-than-jolly St. Nick launched a Clausian Blitzkrieg on a city that has banned him for being too commercial.

He appeared in the early evening, above the market in front of the city hall, where there are thousands of stalls devoted to selling Christmas-related paraphernalia.

Hans Grubbenstuuppen, a Vienna city hall spokesman told The Skwib: “We enjoy rules. Lots of them. And one of the rules that stallholders must follow is to agree not to use the image of Santa as a condition of being able to trade there.”

“Santa is an English language creation, people who want to see him should go to America where I am sure Coca Cola will be happy to oblige,” Grubbenstuuppen added.

Claus expressed his sentiment at this “Ban Santa” in a concrete way. After stealthily approaching the market from on high, Claus swooped overtop the stalls in his trademark sleigh, pulled by nine reindeer.

“Poop Dancer! Poop Dasher! Poop Prancer, poop Vixen!” he cried. “Crap Comet, crap Cupid! Pee Donner and Blitzen!” the holiday icon could be heard shouting to his freakish reindeer.

In addition to their ability to fly, the reindeer are prolific defecators. Given the high speeds they can achieve, the ensuing barrage of reindeer excrement was nothing short of devastating. The market was a scene of chaos, bathed in the baleful red glow of Rudolph’s radioactive nose.

“Bwa-ha-hah!” Santa could be heard laughing manically as he ended his strafing run. “Now you know what happens when you’re naughty!”

The North Pole was unavailable for official comment, but one senior staffer told The Skwib: “Mr. Claus has been under a lot of stress lately because of the competition from Wal-Mart.”

Ban Santa webpage:
Weihnachtsmannfreie Zone

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Godlessness!

Bad History. Bad!

The Carnival of the Insanities

The Best of Me Symphony

R

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it
consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and
humor in slang.

We know by one’s reading
His learning and breeding;
By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.
Read nothing, laugh never –
The Sphinx was less clever!
–Jupiter Muke

The Skwib Update:

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our time it consists, as a rule, of spreadsheets, packaging, and in the gifted, weblogs.

Welcome to the Carnival of the Mundane. Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, and if so, then even the mundane has a role to play — whether it’s holding a spear in the back row, or strutting to the front and taking a turn. We’ve got five boffo submissions, for this short one-act edition:

Ellen at the Sam and Becky Boo Show is concerned about the phenomenon of cat amnesia, though we don’t think a Ghost spawned the worry:

“Remember thee!
Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe, Remember thee!”
–Hamlet

Mad Kane discusses her mother’s underwear proclivities in Secret Shopper.

“O mother, mother!
What have you done? Behold, the heavens do ope,
The gods look down, and this unnatural scene
They laugh at.”
–Coriolanus

Bill is agonizing over cleaning up his apartment. He should just be careful not to let an ultra-neat roommate move in, like Oscar did:

“I can’t take it anymore, Felix, I’m cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. “We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.” Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!”
–The Odd Couple

Muse puts in a wonderful performance as Blanche Dubois in A couple of reasons to smile!

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
–Streetcar Named Desire

And to finish on a note that is anything but a turkey, Random Yak “hams” it up with a new Yak FAQ.

Thanks to Postmodern Sass for letting us host this show, and you can find the Carnival of the Mundane homepage here.

Happy Yanksgiving to everyone south of the (CAN-US) border. If we were giving thanks today, it would be for all this fine collection of satire:

Fans of House (the doctor show) and those bewildered by literary theory will both enjoy The Little Professor’s short teleplay: LP in the House. Thanks to Ahistoricality for suggesting this spoof, which may leave you a tremulous wisp with laughter.

Jake Danger is tired of being persecuted and has set up the Society for the Prevention of Mathematical Intolerance.

Mr. Juggles is interested to know How successful has Domino’s been in bringing pooplets to market?

Madeleine Begun Kane has contractual (and seasonal) parody with Office Party Follies.

Tra La La has learned all about the Titanic sequel, which you will have to see to believe:

Continue reading…

Enterprising researchers at the University of Manchester have worked out a formula that describes the “beer goggle effect” – you know, the one where less-than-attractive members of the opposite sex appear more appealing.

As it turns out, alcohol is not the only factor. The smokiness of the room, the luminance of the goggle-ee, the goggler’s visual acuity, and distance between the two all are components of the formula.

I have done some work on the “beer goggle effect” as well, and I’m afraid the good researchers at Manchester, while producing some valuable research, have left out a number of important considerations in their equation, vis:

• The number of days, weeks, months, and god forbid, years, since the googler’s last intimate encounter will definitely affect the effect, amplifying it considerably depending on the time span
• Age and ‘health’ of goggler
• Sexual proclivities of the goggler.

But these are minor quibbles. Kudos to Manchester for bringing us one step closer to a full understanding of this crucial phenomenon. The more we know, the more likely we will be able to prevent the tragedy of arm-gnawing-officus the morning after.

The erronious formula can be found here. Note: men can avoid the effect entirely by wearing my new invention (a similar device for women is under development). This post is listed at the Carnival of the Vanities.

Bladder’s Bastards, better-known as the Squatting Sixth Brigade were ready, by god!

They’d been training since Pearl Harbour, and their commander, Brigadier General Bladder T. Stone, promised General MacArthur that they’d kick the Japs off Borneo or die trying.

Unless they all got leg cramps again.

Q

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

The Skwib Update:

QUEEN, n. A gentleman of the theatre, or interior design.