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Archive | November, 2006

The Carnival of Satire (#57)

By on November 30, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire #57GrrlScientist has discovered an Escher painting of the Bush Administration Showing Us The Way Out of Iraq.

The festive season is upon us and Drink at Work is doing a marvelous series of lost holiday specials; we liked an evening with Rudolph.

The Banterist has more accurate Wikipedia warnings. (Link goes to a non-blog site.)

Madeleine Begun Kane has an astute Ode To Prosperity.

Jesus’ General has a review of Hot House Flowers that is worth checking out.

Anticipating The Skwib’s upcoming holiday gift guide, Jennifer Miner has the sarcastic What Not to Buy for Christmas: This holiday season’s worst gift ideas. Continue Reading →

Meme Study

By on November 29, 2006 in Odd Science

Judging by the number of comments this grad student’s research on meme spread and speed is doing okay, but you can be part of the study if you like. Just go read the post and follow the instructions.

Baaaa, baaaa, baaa.

Santa Strafes Shoppers in Vienna

By on November 28, 2006 in But is it art?, Skwibby fiction

Ban Santa LogoVIENNA (The Skwib) — An angry Santa Claus was seen a bit earlier than expected this year, flying above the city hall of the Austrian capital.

Instead of bringing gifts and joy, the less-than-jolly St. Nick launched a Clausian Blitzkrieg on a city that has banned him for being too commercial.

He appeared in the early evening, above the market in front of the city hall, where there are thousands of stalls devoted to selling Christmas-related paraphernalia.

Hans Grubbenstuuppen, a Vienna city hall spokesman told The Skwib: “We enjoy rules. Lots of them. And one of the rules that stallholders must follow is to agree not to use the image of Santa as a condition of being able to trade there.”

“Santa is an English language creation, people who want to see him should go to America where I am sure Coca Cola will be happy to oblige,” Grubbenstuuppen added.

Claus expressed his sentiment at this “Ban Santa” in a concrete way. After stealthily approaching the market from on high, Claus swooped overtop the stalls in his trademark sleigh, pulled by nine reindeer.

“Poop Dancer! Poop Dasher! Poop Prancer, poop Vixen!” he cried. “Crap Comet, crap Cupid! Pee Donner and Blitzen!” the holiday icon could be heard shouting to his freakish reindeer.

In addition to their ability to fly, the reindeer are prolific defecators. Given the high speeds they can achieve, the ensuing barrage of reindeer excrement was nothing short of devastating. The market was a scene of chaos, bathed in the baleful red glow of Rudolph’s radioactive nose.

“Bwa-ha-hah!” Santa could be heard laughing manically as he ended his strafing run. “Now you know what happens when you’re naughty!”

The North Pole was unavailable for official comment, but one senior staffer told The Skwib: “Mr. Claus has been under a lot of stress lately because of the competition from Wal-Mart.”

Ban Santa webpage:
Weihnachtsmannfreie Zone

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The Devil’s Dictionary: The Skwib Updates: R

By on November 27, 2006 in The Devil’s Updates

The Devil's UpdatesR

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it
consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and
humor in slang.

We know by one’s reading
His learning and breeding;
By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.
Read nothing, laugh never —
The Sphinx was less clever!
–Jupiter Muke

The Skwib Update:

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our time it consists, as a rule, of spreadsheets, packaging, and in the gifted, weblogs.

The Carnival of the Mundane (Theatrical Edition)

By on November 24, 2006 in But is it art?

The Carnival of the MundaneWelcome to the Carnival of the Mundane. Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, and if so, then even the mundane has a role to play — whether it’s holding a spear in the back row, or strutting to the front and taking a turn. We’ve got five boffo submissions, for this short one-act edition:

Ellen at the Sam and Becky Boo Show is concerned about the phenomenon of cat amnesia, though we don’t think a Ghost spawned the worry:

“Remember thee!
Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe, Remember thee!”
–Hamlet

Mad Kane discusses her mother’s underwear proclivities in Secret Shopper.

“O mother, mother!
What have you done? Behold, the heavens do ope,
The gods look down, and this unnatural scene
They laugh at.”
–Coriolanus

Bill is agonizing over cleaning up his apartment. He should just be careful not to let an ultra-neat roommate move in, like Oscar did:

“I can’t take it anymore, Felix, I’m cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. “We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.” Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!”
–The Odd Couple

Muse puts in a wonderful performance as Blanche Dubois in A couple of reasons to smile!

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”
–Streetcar Named Desire

And to finish on a note that is anything but a turkey, Random Yak “hams” it up with a new Yak FAQ.

Thanks to Postmodern Sass for letting us host this show, and you can find the Carnival of the Mundane homepage here.