We’ll be taking a bit of a break over the holiday season. In case you’re looking for some festivus fun, here are a few suggestions:

The Skwib’s Christmas Gift Guide — insane gift suggestions from Dr. Tundra
The Skwib’s Holiday Gift Guide — off-base presents from our interstellar advice columnist, General Kang
The Christmas Carol Edition of the Lost PowerPoint Slides
Santa Strafes Shoppers in Vienna — Navidad news item
Unwanted Christmas Gifts Through the Ages
Past holiday columns from Ask General Kang:

• Last year’s New Year’s plans
• Does he have Santa Clause on Home Planet?

A Traditional Christmas in the Tundra Household (fiction)

The next edition of the Carnival of Satire will be January 4th.

The War on Christmas Edition, wrapped beautifully at Salto sobrius.

In Europe, at least. They are: The Netherlands, the UK and Denmark. Full-sized details here.

It’s INSANE. And a carnival.

Furry fun at the Friday Ark.

The Ghost of Marley presents “Boo” –> Slide 3

• Investment strategies not helping me now
• Mostly wandering Earth in penitence
• Heavy chains and iron ledgers are not a fashion statement
• You’re next buddy.

The Ghost of Christmas Past presents “But are you bitter?” –> Slide 5

• So your Dad didn’t visit you at boarding school.
• And he called you a waste of oxygen.
• And the only person who loved you, your sister, died.
• But does that mean you should be such a wanker?

The Ghost of Christmas Present presents “Think of the children!” –> Slide 2

• Tiny Tim is so cute.
• He’s cute, and he’ll die!
• Do you want him to die?
• Your nephew thinks you could still change you know.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come presents “You Can Call Me Mr. Death” –> only slide

• Tiny Tim
• You
• = wormfood

Inspired by the original (first published December 19, 1843)

Gentle readers,

The management of The Skwib has elected to turn off our comments. The spammers win. You can still do trackbacks, if you’d like, but for the time being, we’ll be going dark on the comment side of things.

This has been a big week for news about the old “John Thomas”. Not mine, but in general.

First of all, my heart goes out to the nation of India, who have had the proportions of their tallywhackers collectively question by this survey showing that more than half of the men surveyed had equipment that was shorter than international standards for condoms.

Now, perhaps they have too much soya in their diets. According to the august online journal WorldNetDaily, and their columnist, Jim Rutz (who is not a scientist, it should be noted), soy in the diet of male children can lead to shorter thingies, and even cause homosexuality. Lest you think he’s a complete wanker, there is some evidence that too much soy in the diet can lead to male infertility, and even underdeveloped tackle, according to a researcher in Belfast. Dr Lorraine Anderson did not take the same leap vis-à-vis the loafer-lightening effects of soy.

And for those of us who were genitally mutilated early in life, there is a ray of good news concerning our sliced up salamis. As it turns out, male circumcision reduces the risk of contracting HIV by 50 percent. This is the finding of a huge clinical trial in Africa. Do what you will with that innuendo.

And yes, I managed to get through this whole post without using the word penis.

Oh bugger.

Welcome to the Carnival of Satire at The Skwib, where we are equal opportunity offenders. This week’s edition includes robots, orcs, hobos and it will all go down better if you have diminished expectations. To start, we are going to break the first rule.

You all know the first rule. No talking about Taliban Club. Jon Swift has the rest of them with Taliban Club Rules.

Feel the outrage. bobbarama.com is Going off the deep-fried end.

Bitter Tonic notes How Prozac Saved My Marriage.

Peace Moonbeam returns to the Carnival of Satire with a whale of a tale: Mammal/Fish.

Madeleine Begun Kane learns the joy of having her age questioned in What A Card!

Hey, look, it’s a robot’s blog. Does that make it roblog? Whatever you call it, SumBOTe has thoughts on Kramer’s Transgression Continue reading…

‘Tis the season for conspicuous consumption, and in that spirit, here is some food for thought in a short flash movie, showing what the Earth would be like if it was a village of 100 people.