Archive | March, 2007

Breaking News: Man drives stake through grave of war criminal

By Mark A. Rayner on March 6, 2007 in Parody & Satire

Slobo the Nosferatu A member of the Resistance has done his best to ensure that Slobodan Milosevic does not return from the dead to infect Serbia with a plague of vampires.

Miroslav Milosevic (no relation to the undead) pierced the grave with a three-foot hawthorn pole, roughly where the moldering former Serbian President’s heart would be (if he was only buried three feet deep). He says he performed the ancient Balkan ritual to “spite” Milosevic admirers who have been preparing to celebrate the first anniversary of the autocrat’s “death”.

He was also concerned that Slobo’s blood-hungry spirit might cause Serbia further international embarrassment.

Police did not arrest the Milosevic-era dissident, despite a call from the dissident letting them know he was about to stake the Nosferatu just before he did it. “They responded by telling me to be careful or Milosevic’s hand might get me from the grave,” Miroslav Milosevic said.

“I’m just sorry I didn’t have a chance to do this is twenty years ago,” he told The Skwib.

Storyblogging Carnival

By Mark A. Rayner on March 6, 2007 in General Skwib

A short collection of (very) short stories this week, can be found at Back of the Envelope.

Professor Quippy: Penalty psychosis prevention

By Mark A. Rayner on March 5, 2007 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy As an ex-goalkeeper in the beautiful game of football (soccer for you North Americans), I was interested to see that there is something you can do to improve your odds of stopping a penalty shot.

Actually, I never found penalty-kick situations that stressful, because everyone knew I had an infinitesimally small chance of stopping the ball. (I had a slightly better chance in other situations, but truth be told, I was never the greatest keeper.) But some of my peers could really go off their heads when confronted with a penalty kick situation.

Poor old Jack “Bangers” Bofferston once stripped off his shorts and tied them around his eyes, hoping to psyche-out the kickers. He only managed to be one of the first sportsmen to catch jock-itch in his ears (this was in the 60s), and the opposing team still got all five penalties in the net.

But now researchers at the University of Hong Kong, China, and Vrije University in Amsterdam in the Netherlands have discovered a way to increase the keeper’s odds slightly.

You can learn about this new cunning ploy at the New Scientist website.

Looking for questions, and Sunday fun

By Mark A. Rayner on March 4, 2007 in General Skwib

Now that we have comments again, General Kang is soliciting questions for his advice column, Ask General Kang. He’s willing to tackle any topic, from personal grooming to your love life, to how to strip down your plasma rifle in under 30 seconds. You can leave your problems in the comments.

And now, the fun:

The Carnival of Humor

Carnival of the Godless

The Carnival of the Insanities

Best of Me Symphony

Steve at the Poutine Diaries is not going to church today, but is asking, what would supply-side Jesus do. (He has the link to the YouTube video.)

And this is way cool — Steampunk Star Wars: cartoon of the movie characters, as if it was in the steampunk genre. Mechanical Hat Tip to Rob at Old is the New New.