Usually, this is the last thing you see.
Then something bad happens.
From Toulouse Le Grandfig in the Land of the Future.
Note: The Skwib will return on September 10. I just need to recharge my insanity suit.
Perhaps you could check out Humor-Blogs to find some other mental dribble until then:
In this week’s carnival, we ask a lot of questions; the answers, be warned, may disturb you. And if you’re wondering, when is the next carnival, then you’ll want to know it will be in two weeks. Despite the odd number, it will mark the two-year anniversary of the Carnival of Satire. If you weren’t wondering that, you’ve probably started reading the next paragraph, and you’ll miss this important information: in the coming squirrel apocalypse, the safe word is “walnut cluster.”
We’re including this Japanese animation called The Butt-Biting Bug, [YouTube clip] confident that we will eventually discover that is some kind of masterful spoof of Japanese animation. If not, well, it’s still funny (and mighty puzzling).
Speaking of butts, Mad Kane has posterior poetry with: No Butt Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts.
On the other end of the GIT, Rickey Henderson has some questions when he Reviews Odd Food Left in the Second Floor Staff Kitchen . I don’t know, this looks like something that might even intimidate Ross.
Darcy Xenophon at Catymology has more warnings from the dangerous black squirrel rebellion: Squirrel cults on my thingpoddy.
In addition to the coming squirrel apocalypse, we should also be concerned about marauding bands of turban wearing IT personnel — at least that’s according to Samir Bharadwaj and his advice on How to Start a Conversation with an Urban Indian.
Sammy Benoit wonders Why Don’t We All Call God—Bob?.
Scott Killen is more concerned with why Americans can’t point to the US on maps — is it because the country is in stealth mode?
Alexei wonders if a picture of a Shirtless Putin Will Spark World War 3.
Super Saver asks Who Ya Gonna Call? – CreditBusters!
And sometimes even movie stars have money problems. This isn’t really satire, but Will Ferrel is very funny in this clip presented by Michael Chu: Pay The Rent Now.
And to take us out on a musical note, the publisher of The Amadeus Net was kind enough to point out this video on how to get more kids to read. [This YouTube clip is definitely not safe for work.]
Thanks to everyone for continuing to make this a great carnival. If you submitted something, and it didn’t make it into the carnival, it’s not that we don’t appreciate your work, but we just felt it wasn’t right for the carnival. In fact many submissions were quite funny/interesting/entertaining, but not really satire. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. Squirrel photo by mandj98.
Words I never thought I’d say: this ukelele player rocks!
Absolutely! You can’t take over a planet without a few friends.
The most wonderful thing about Facebook is the “status update” allows you to reveal your innermost thoughts and emotional states, as they happen. For example, when I’m feeling enraged at my lack of minions, I can click on: “General Kang is at the library.”
When I thirst for world domination, all I have to click on “General Kang is sleeping.” And so on.
Speaking of minions, you should join my group “Neecknaw Forever.” (If you’re a member you will not be subject to the same intensity of invasive probing when my space armada arrives.)
I’m also working on an application that will allow you do describe how you would fit in with a society ruled by uber-chimps and gorilloids wearing Fezes.
Here’s a wacky idea — why don’t we lose weight by turning loose the power of hibernation? When animals hibernate, their body switches modes from glucose burning to fat burning.
That’s the invention of Cheng Chi Lee, a molecular biologist at the University of Texas Houston Medical School. He’s found a way to chemically induce a state of hibernation, and he wants it to be the next big diet craze.
There’s only one down side: the torpor. [Sound of Professor Quippy splashing water over his mostly nude noggin.] The torpor. The torpor.
Hibernating animals really don’t do anything — not even check their email or write the occasional blog post. So I suppose it could work if you don’t mind living in your cave for a few months, lights out, slowly going mad as you dream of a thinner, socially maladapted you…
The penguin, not Opus Dei.
I loved Bloom County back in the day, and was quite tickled to find a collection of Opus comics at Salon.
Apparently, Opus has been back in the comics since 2003, but I only occasionally read the London Free Mess, and clearly, this kind of comic would not be their cup of tea. (I’m one of those evil bastards that reads newspapers online.) Opus is a Sunday-only strip, which sounds like a nice gig when you read Breathed’s description of a seven-day-a-week cartoonist:
They all look like Keith Richards at 5 a.m. I’ve said that cartooning, like education and sex, is wasted on the young … but I understand why it’s that way. It’s wearing, corrosive, killing work. Consider Charles Schulz. Look where he is today.
You can find a link to the Opus archive here.
And you can find Berkeley Breathed’s website here.
Bebebebebebe! The Carnival of the Insanities
Major breakthrough in the most pressing issues of our day: Facial Hair. According to the Telegraph: “The American Moustache Institute (AMI) is vowing to restore well-tended facial hair to the noble status it enjoyed in the Seventies.”
Update: Storyblogging Carnival is up!
Vervet monkey alert in Kenya!
A band of 300 of them is sexually harassing the women of Nachu village.
More details about the evil monkeys here, from the Beeb. (Photo by Arnolouise)
This week’s Carnival of Satire covers a lot of territory, and most of the important issues of our day, really: politics, beards, global warming, squirrels, issues of finance, and robots of course. You always have to be worried about what the robots are up to. We had a lot of submissions for the 81st edition, so we’ll have an extra COS next week:
Gavin R. Putland has John W. Howard’s Flowchart for Political Success. Gavin rightly points out that while this isn’t satire, it accurately demonstrates how sometimes life is more absurd than satire.
Then again… Rickey Henderson reminds us all of adventurers such as Ernest “Almost” Shackleton and Robert “Frozen on the Spot” Scott in his Beard Watch 2007 Update.
Aloysius is rightly concerned about the Black squirrel cult invasion of Minneapolis. As anyone who has read John Hodgman’s The Areas of My Expertise will recognize, this means the return of the hoboes. But are the squirrels black enough?
Ahem. Alexei finally reveals the identity of Obama’s Nemesis. (Not squirrels, but he should be concerned about them.)
Then there’s the nemesis of Bush II, as provided by Xco (not a robot), as he answers a question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
We note with interest that Blue Skelton has a sent an open letter to Mr. Apocalypse. Clearly, he has been watching for the Forty-Seven Signs.
We’re glad the Yid with a Lid isn’t a terrorist, because his post: If I Was a Terrorist this is what I’d do is terrifying.
Xco (not a robot, we’re pretty sure) has an excellent explanation of a variety of forms of Capitalism in cows Continue reading…
Unfortunately, humanity has lost much since The Golden Age of Beards — a time when the free-flowing exchange of thought, lead propelled at high speed, and yes, competition in beard technology was not only encouraged, but demanded. The philosopher and extemporaneous human, Sean Cullen, says, “give me a beard I can believe!” He was talking about opera, but the yearning … the yearning.
Don’t we all want to see more beards that we can believe? To help us in this quest, we present a clutch of beards.
1. The Maestro– a truly astonishing beard, usually worn by eccentric and brilliant artists. Warning – if you are not an eccentric and brilliant artist, this beard could cause narcolepsy or be a harbinger of incipient tooth-gnashing madness.
2. The Classic — If you have time to time to comb, oil and curl your beard, The Classic may well be the facial hair for you. This beard will turn some heads, particularly at Greco-Roman affairs. Warning – can get you unwanted attention at Greco-Roman affairs!
3. The Waveform — If you have time to time to part your beard every morning, with or without the use of beard-drugs, the waveform may be the beard for you! Warning – tends to cause quantum irregularities and uncontrollable laughter in undergraduate seminars.
4. The Electroco — an impressive beard grown to inordinate long length, The Electroco is not for the amateur beard grower. Warning – tends to catch stray food particles, get caught in zippers and cause potential sex partners to say “eeewwww.”
5. The Lincoln — Let’s be honest on this one; barely anyone can make this geometric nightmare look good, particularly in a pair of chinos and a golf shirt. Warning – may cause an uncontrollable urge to wear a stovepipe hat.
6. The Scrappy — The scrappy is rough and ready chin foliage, low on upkeep, and easy to grow — even for those of you who may be challenged in the production of testosterone. (We’re not judging.) Warning – can make you look like a hippy freak or an effete, absinthe-swigging artist who thinks he is Jesus.
7. El Quixote — This offshoot of the scrappy is a tough look to pull off, but if you’re fond of tilting at windmills on swaybacked horses, this is one you want to sport. Warning – certain to induce a full-on psychotic break after your first bad love affair.
8. Der Lipfinder — You will not like this beard, English. Is too much work to keep that upper lip free of hair, the way God intended. Warning – if you really are wearing Der Lipfinder for religious reasons, be aware that it drives the ladies crazy. Rrrroow!
Copies of Marvellous Hairy are available at the publisher's website direct or on Amazon.com
