A bit of advice from Bob Newhart:
But you shouldn’t stop going to humor-blogs.com.
Archive for December, 2007
Godlessness here and Insanity here! Go join in the atheistic madness!
The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if true:
Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly!
Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound.
Don’t worry about paying, because you’ll be airborn before we can even ask for your money.
It’s the most fun you’ll ever have. IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
From the Toulouse Le Granfig in the Land of the Future collection. | Brilliant artwork by Odegaard, and check out the full-sized pic here | These guys are not to blame.
 |
| Certain death awaits the skip unless these sweepers slow down the skeleton-rider |
We love the Winter Olympics. They are much more fun than the Summer Olympics, but let’s face it, everyone at The Skwib will be boycotting the 2008 Olympics, except General Kang who is the competing in the “One Meter Pistol Event” (not to be confused with the 50-meter Land Requisition Event).
So we would like to see a few extra sports at this games to warm our memories while we’re boycotting 2008. We also think some of the next Winter sports could be a bit more exciting with a few minor tweaks.
Our first suggestion is to combine Curling and Skeleton — the most fascinating and most dangerous competitions combined in one sport: Skurlington | More improved Winter Olympic Sports | Not athletic at all really
Well, as your own Sung Tzu said, “All war is deception,” so you’d be foolish to believe anything that I told you.
However, with that caveat, I will tell you that I’m very impressed with you Earthlings, particularly your creativity; it translates into all kinds of incredible things like religion, art and corporate reward programs (and of course, your vast capability for self-deception). So my eventual victory over you will require that I turn your creative nature to my advantage.
Either that or I may first bombard your cities with massive fruit cakes. Having just experienced my second “Christmas”, I cannot imagine a more demoralizing opening move.
Next time: My tinfoil helmet doesn’t seem to be blocking out the voices. Any ideas?
Humor-blogs.com does not endorse General Kang.
Dr. Maximilian Tundra was heading home again for the holidays, dread clutching his heart like an iron fist. He’d managed to avoid Thanksgiving, but there was no escape from The Feast.
The Feast, as it was known amongst Clan Tundra, was a toxic stew of carbs, fats, and pharmaceuticals that had a tendency to drive the family bonkers.
Not that they weren’t certifiable to begin with.
Read the rest of the story here…>
Not here at humor-blogs.com.
A few last-minute gifts for all you people still unaccountably reading The Skwib. Here’s The Pogues with their Christmas classic:
And if that wasn’t twisted enough for you, this fan-made video is a brilliant adaptation of Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy”, courtesy of Qelqoth (who is also brilliant in a special way.)
And Bagel at Ration Reality has twelve more for you! Way to go Bagel. You may also find some at humor-blogs.com.
The Ghost of Marley presents “Boo” –> Slide 3
- Investment strategies not helping me now
- Mostly wandering Earth in penitence
- Heavy chains and iron ledgers are not a fashion statement
- You’re next buddy.
The Ghost of Christmas Past presents “But are you bitter?” –> Slide 5
- So your Dad didn’t visit you at boarding school.
- And he called you a waste of oxygen.
- And the only person who loved you, your sister, died.
- But does that mean you should be such a wanker?
The Ghost of Christmas Present presents “Think of the children!” –> Slide 2
- Tiny Tim is so cute.
- He’s cute, and he’ll die!
- Do you want him to die?
- Your nephew thinks you could still change you know.
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come presents “You Can Call Me Mr. Death” –> only slide
- Tiny Tim
- You
- = wormfood
God bless us everyone, even humor-blogs.com!
What could be better than the Star Wars theme? The Star Wars theme played with bagpipes!
And if that wasn’t festive enough, try out the Holiday-O-Matic, which generates a random holiday greeting such as:
“May your winter solstice be drama free and filled with hand-knit mittens”.
Both links via Neatorama, and this leads to humor-blogs.com
The best part of Christmas is all the blood. Or maybe it’s rotating knives. Wait! It’s the screams of agony as your captives are flayed alive. No, definitely the blood! Sorry, that’s Aztec Festival of Tlacaxipehualiztli we’re thinking of. Christmas is about buying things, right? Anyway, happy holidays all, and welcome to the seasonal edition of the Carnival of Satire:
First “Metrosexual,” Then “Man-Crush,” Now Simply “Homo”: Ahistoricality has found a gem with these Most e-mailed stories of the future on NYT.com (at Corn Chips And Pie). You may also be intrigued by the The Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic.
Coincidentally, Sammy Benoit at Yid with a Lid has a bit of seasonal poetry for us all: A Visit From Condolezza Rice.
While we’re thinking about old St. Nick, here’s what he does December 26th. You see, Christmas is not just about buying things. Not forgetting the Claus-man’s essential manliness, you may be interested in The Frogster’s ideas about enhancing male attributes.
And it wouldn’t be the holiday without ritually humiliating your pets. Thanks to Leslie’s Omnibus for finding this pic:
For more, check out Suzy’s Twelve Pets of Christmas contest.
We’re not sure what the hell is going on in this post, but it’s entertaining (and satire, we hope): lordsomber at the aptly-named The Pungeoning presents Clever Phrases, Realpolitik and the Spin of a Coin.
Chickens in the Road has news from Roane County: Downed Tree Causes Year’s Worst Pileup.
You know, a pen makes an excellent stocking stuffer, and this one sounds really good. Hat tip to Predator Press.
Madeleine Begun Kane has a few Political Laughs for us this week.
mark admits he is a frustrated, yet confident, author.
blue skelton has an even more damning admission: I’m in Love with Ann Coulter.
Spoiler alert: Adam Burkett has a review of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.
Jesse Ruder presents Emo Island.
Up until now, Weird Al never appeared in the Carnival of Satire. Steve Oliphant has blown that record with his collection of Music Videos from the 80’s.
And that’s it for the seasonal edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. Thanks to Peter Forret for his “evil” Santa pic and to humor-blogs.com for the daily gift of laughter.
