Isn’t it wonderful living in interesting times? This month’s edition of the Carnival of Satire demonstrates how even dire news has its satiric side:

Lobo kicks things off with this useful advice on how to prepare for the biohazard finale.

Rickey has equally helpful hints in his (un)Official Guide to Swine Flu.

Up until this swine flu thing, the media seemed pretty excited about Twitter. Little did they know that Kneon has been making webcomics with his Tweets. You can jump straight to the comic here.

You may also want to check out the Twitterpocalypse, which we related last week.

Sticking with the web, Juliet Chase has A new approach to SEO .

And yes, the economy is still a worry. Generation Bubble puts it in perspective with Yakk in the USSR, or How I Learned to Love the Bubble .

Clearly, Diesel’s strategy for coping with the recession is to try and ride it out in prison. Or perhaps this is just a cry for help. He is trying to sell a novel, after all: I Got Yer Inconsistent Use Right Here. Decide for yourself, then go sign his book thingy so he’ll stop harassing nice people on Facebook. It’s literally the least you can do.

Mike Sowden has his own creative project on the go, and it looks like Fox might be interested — Stellar Quest 1: The Beginning .

Madeleine Begun Kane is still waxing poetic, but this time her limerick has gone to the dogs.

And we’re all not obsessed by current events. Ellis imagines what Elvis would be like if he were an elderly Jewish man.

You know, I had some of the same thoughts when I saw that picture of the five presidents together. Tim Slowikowski has a warning about Jimmy Carter, a bad muthaf*cka.

steven germain presents Rough Fractals: Blog Bail-Out.

Satire Patch presents NRA Releases Message On Recent Shootings .

In in our one non-satire slot: Vanessa Wolf has an intriguing tale about British PM, Gordon Brown: Confucius say: When glass eye fall in soup, remove with spoon .

And that’s it for the 113th edition. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you poke around a bit. Here too. Thanks to Hobbit90 from Freaking News.com for the pic.

The economic downturn and subsequent collapse of civilized society was not welcome by most people.

But for the Pesquahoddy Mustard Gas and Swine Flu Enthusiast’s Club, the collapse had been a panacea.

Membership was way up, and their annual soiree, the much-anticipated Gas Masquerade actually turned a profit this year!

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also porcine enthusiasts. Thanks to Foxtongue for the pic.

Okay, we’re back. On a fresh install of Wordpress and at a whole new host. And I’ve only aged 10 years.

A few kinks to work out, such as, “what the hell happened to all the links in the blogroll?” Totally gone.

So, if you were accustomed to seeing your blog over there to the right, I’ll be working towards getting it back as soon as I can. If you’d like to be added, or want to ensure to be returned, please leave a comment below.

Thanks for your patience, and now, back to our regularly scheduled monkeys…

Absolutely. You should spend a lot of time worrying about it.

You should probably go on some kind of epic alcoholic bender to help you forget about it, but then discover that it’s not really making you forget, so then take a lot of drugs. (Start with anything that is best injected. Note: you can save money by sharing needles.) Don’t get any rest. Replace food with coffee. Stop washing your hands.

Really let it get to you. I’d like to see you on a regime of sleepless nights, and bone-crushingly torpid days, when all you can do is think, “what is the swine flu doing to my savings? What if the Nikkei average loses another .02 percent of value?”

So, when you’re really exhausted, and when your immune system is as depressed as you are, then I want you to go to Mexico.

Next time: I believe my accountant may have lupus. Will this affect my EBITDA?

Alltop and humor-blogs are both trading derivatives. Asinine G&M article that “inspired” this: Swine flu outbreak dampens recover hopes. A few cogent questions and answers from the New Scientist: what you need to know about swine flu.

Writer’s note: The username links do not work, but others do. Some readers may prefer to start this short story at the chronological beginning, but I recommend starting here:

LandingPartyONE Displeased we did not demolish Twitter servers instead of using them. Activate sterilization protocol.
less than 5 seconds ago from TweeterProbe

Happybriefs I’ve destroyed all them in my house with a fern spritzer and my son’s SuperSoaker. I know, it’s stupid, but water does it! #pocylpse
less than 5 seconds ago from web

Bovatime The goats have thrown in with them.
We’re fucked.
less than 5 seconds ago from TractorTweet

Beanlover They’re all devastated by water — robots, monkeys, zombie-mushroom-people. All of them. RT, RT, RT! #pocylpse.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

SeePeeOh Thank god I got that RT. Flying monkeys are carrying blasters! Laser beams. Whatever. RT! Follow the discussion, people! #pocylpse.
less than 5 seconds ago from mobile web

Normalman RT @Rockrchick @UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 5 seconds ago from web

Rockrchick RT@UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 5 seconds ago from TweetDeck

ThumperB I’ve decided there is no God.
This is bullshit!
less than 10 seconds ago from Twirl

UberPR Flying monkeys are also carrying some kind of beam weapon! #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 10 seconds ago from web

HappybriefsBasement no good. Mushroom things can dig man! Water is their kryptonite though. Isn’t that gay? #pocylpse Please RT.
less than 10 seconds ago from web

Chknlady Managed to get away from shroomers — kind of like zombies, eh? In stairwell with only one bar. Just in case, I love you Dan!
less than 10 seconds ago from mobile web

Ballbearing12 Their skulls crush so easily.
Sweet.
less than 20 seconds ago from TweeterProbe

Captnjojo @CreamGirl It means the apocalypse. More of a war of the world scenario, really. Suppose fire from landing ships is #biblical. #pocylpse
less than 20 seconds ago from web

50sMama Why there are flying monkeys stuck in my chimney? The little creatures outside really do look like mushrooms. They’ve eaten my cat.
less than 20 seconds ago from web

LandingPartyOne Release cybermorphs!

less than 20 seconds ago from TweeterProbe

Bovatime Goats are negotiating with mushroom people . Cows making a run for it. Both udderly disgraceful.
less than 20 seconds ago from TractorTweet

Handbaglady Flying monkey grabbed new purse. Mushroom person eating foot. Looks like Kuato with leprosy and long teeth. Yes, I’ve seen Total Recall.
less than 20 seconds ago from mobile web

ThumperB This sucks. Clearly, I missed the Rapture. I think the mushroom people are devils. #pocylpse
less than 20 seconds ago from Twirl

CreamGirl What does #pocylpse mean?

less than 20 seconds ago from web

Chknlady Weird crtures bitng me!

less than 30 seconds from mobile web

Chknlady Just got up and going for jog.

1 minute ago from mobile web

Captnjojo Looks like this might be an article to read quickly. I don’t like the look of those shroom-dudes. #pocylpse
1 minute ago from web

Happygrrl > @Blobbob You’re OUTING someone at the End of the World? You’re so UNFOLLOWED. #pocylpse
2 minutes ago from TweetDeck

SeePeeOh @DrTundra No. Monkeys. I don’t think you needed to take peyote today. Plus the parking lot is crawling with mushroom people. We’re doomed!
2 minutes ago from mobile web

Blobbob The whole house is shaking. The monkey screaming! I think this is it. I’ve been dying to let everyone know Darren is gay. #pocylpse
2 minutes ago from web

Captnjojo @BolandOR I like the idea of occupying a WalMart. Kind of like Born in the Great WalMart Stand. Story here: http://bit.ly/cImX
2 minutes ago from web

HappyBriefs Won’t be back online for a while. Going to basement! #pocylpse
3 minutes ago from TweetDeck

DrTundra Should the sky be that color? What is that flying through the air? Should I have drunk that peyote shake this morning? #pocylpse
3 minutes ago from web

ThumperB @BolandOR You shouldn’t make fun of the Bible’s prophecies. The Word is real. The Whore is among us!
4 minutes ago from Twirl

50sMoma I think one of those things just attacked the postal worker. Isn’t a shame we can’t say PostMAN anymore?
4 minutes ago from web

DonnaVinci @50sMoma What kind of mushrooms do you use in muffins? Shitaki?
4 minutes ago from web

50sMoma Baking muffins and watching strange things run down the street. Look like mushrooms with legs.
5 minutes ago from web

LandingPartyONE Unleash ground forces.
Keep your fingers away from the cages!
5 minutes ago from TweeterProbe

BolandOR @Beteeee Seriously, a #monkey# apocalypse. What about something #Biblical, like frogs?
6 minutes ago from web

Handbaglady Just bought the most darling handbag at Saks.

6 minutes ago from mobile web

Happybriefs@ Beanlover How about #pocylpse?

6 minutes ago from TweetDeck.

Beanlover What’s the hashtag for this?

6 minutes ago from web

HappybriefsNot an earthquake. But there’s something weird going on out there. Look at the sky!
7 minutes ago from Tweetdeck

LandingPartyONE It is time to release aero-forces. Ensure their “Lasers” are armed.
8 minutes ago from TweeterProbe

Beteeee@BolandOR I am getting SO tired of blithe references to the zombie apocalypse. What if it’s not zombies? What if it’s robots, or monkeys?
7 minutes ago from web

BolandOR Excellent article about how to survive coming zombie #apocalypse. http://bit.ly/SyzBo
8 minutes ago from mobile web

Penguinlover Hi everyone. Just got up and gonna get me some brain food. And coffee!
8 minutes ago from web

LandingPartyONE Set up account.
We are happy.
8 minutes ago from web

UberPR @Happbriefs Yeah, we got it here in Manhattan too. Earthquake?
9 minutes ago from web

Happybriefs Did anyone else in Schenectady feel that shudder? It was like an earthquake or something.
9 minutes ago from Tweetdeck

Bovatime Cows are acting weird.
Goats too.
10 minutes ago from TractorTweet

Alltop and humor-blogs are both apocalyptic. You can follow the author at http://twitter.com/markarayner. Thanks to Bolandtor and Bete for some of the icons. Cross-posted at When Falls the Coliseum.

As a Child of the 70s and 80s, I loved this:

Massive Musical Geekery

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also vintage. HT to Mental Floss.

Researchers have discovered that good old-style leaded gasoline protected us from global warming in the 20th century.

You may already know that particles in the air help create ice crystals in the atmosphere, which can reflect some solar radiation back into space. This helps keep the Earth from sweating its ass off.

Lead, as it turns out, is a super-ice-crystal forming substance. This forming of ice crystals is called “nucleation”. (Don’t get ahead of me here.) According to the New Scientist: “Dan Cziczo and colleagues of the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory in Richland, Washington, created artificial clouds in the laboratory to explore the ice nucleation efficiency of various particles.” Lead is highly effective at “nucleation”.

But you know what else is a boffo “nucleation” particle? Radioactive material. Yep, it’s true. Nothing reflects solar radiation back into space better than radiation suspended in dust and the upper atmosphere (except the rare chemical element known as IRONY-42).

So there you have it, the solution for global warming. Light up a few nukes in uninhabited regions — not enough to bring a full-on nuclear winter, but enough to turn down the thermostat a few degrees. To be extra “nucleated”, we could deposit all the Chinese-made children’s toys at ground zero, thus doubling our effectiveness. (Radioactive particles + lead = nucleation )

Either that, or Dr. Tundra could finish his work on his ultimate weapon, the IRONY bomb. Personally, I’m afraid of the projected sarcasm fallout from this device.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are deadly isotopes of COMEDY-12. More details about the lead at the New Scientist.

Hank didn’t care that act had won the Most Unconvincing Bear Award six years running. He had been practicing on his flugelhorn, and he was sure that this season would be different.

The crowds were going to love the new routine: the breathtaking flugel-glissandos, the ursine feel to the dance, and his hat. God, they were going to love the tassly bits on his hat.

Carl had no such illusions. He did, however, pray for the sweet release of death.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also unconvincing bears. Thanks to Foxtongue for the pic.

Sometimes small is good.  I got to thinking this when I checked out the latest edition of the Storyblogging Carnival , which begins with a number of flash fictions.

That got me thinking about another website I’d visited recently, where you can send in the title, and they will write a 100-word story to explain it. (I liked “Unicorn Slaughter” and “The Day the Internet Stopped”. Elison is also a master of the short wad.

There’s also sites (ironically, a large number) devoted to 50-word stories [google search] and an equally large number devoted to the famous Hemingway 6-word story, and even within genres, such as this Wired collection of SF 6-word stories.

I’ve been toying around with microfiction — 140-character stories, such as the ones published by Outshine and Thaumatrope .

But I have a question: are they really stories at all?

After seeing Watchmen, Sylvia and her best friend Pat were so excited by the film, they decided to become superheroes themselves.

Pat became “The Welder”, while Sylvia opted for a less constraining costume, styling herself simply: “The Blower”.

They didn’t fight much crime; instead, they spent most of their evening hours in a fruitless search for massive cerulean irradiated schlong. They did, however, acquire an arch-nemesis, they later called, “The Gonorreathor”.

Alltop and Humor-blogs.com are arch enemies. Thanks to Foxtongue for finding this photo.