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Archive | January, 2010

Been Champ Beaned Champ

By on January 14, 2010 in But is it art?, Toulouse Le Grandfig

Jimmy 'The Toes' TeteskuJimmy “The Toes” Totesku had great form, quick feet and a legendary left hook.

In his class, he was 12-0, with one TKO. (Bobby “Thunderpants” Riggs had turned out to be a tougher fight than Jimmy had anticipated.)

Nobody really knew why Jimmy thought he could fight the Heavyweight Champion of the World, Ike “The Cannibal” Tymson, but the promoters had thought it was a dream match-up, and the bout was carried world-wide on Pay-Per-View.

Jimmy trained hard, asked his parents to buy him a new pair of boxing gloves, and even managed to go number one like a big boy before the match.

The fight lasted 1.7 seconds. Just long enough for Tymson to bite off Jimmy’s head.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are in a slap-fight to the death. Originally published October 2006.

More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s works of Dada can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.

Regarding Avatar and sexy banana slugs

By on January 13, 2010 in But is it art?, Odd Science

Avatar_Neytiri_by_sanguisGelidusYeah, what Peter said...

Though I should emphasize that I don’t have any post-secondary training in biology and it really bugged me that all the Pandora critters seemed to have six limbs, and the Na’vi only had four, while everything else seemed pretty well thought out. (Though it did seem there were way more predator species than there should be, but let’s face it, the predators are more fun for the story.)

The cat chick was smokin’ though, and I’m not sure if it would have been as believable if, as Peter suggests, Neytiri had been a four-armed, two legged banana slug and the human fell for her. (Unless it was Captain Kirk driving the Na’vi avatar, in which case, obviously.)

Clearly, the film-makers may have been influenced by Cats. No doubt someone will provide a Cats/Avatar mashup for us in the near future. The relative hotness of cartoon Neytiri shouldn’t be a surrprise, as she’s based on the actress that plays Uhura in the Star Trek remake: Zoe Saldana.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com would have preferred sexy banana slugs. Avatar Neytiri by ~sanguisGelidus on deviantART

It’s good to be king!

By on January 11, 2010 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

King VaclavIn his day, King Vaclav was quite the charmer.

Then he started draping himself in velvet, swilling large quantities of Becherovka, and mincing around, reading aloud from Ulysses in (what he thought was) a French accent.

Later, he took up needlepoint and amateur proctology — a dangerous combination after several bottles of liqueur (and two chapters of Joyce).

Not to mention all that mincing.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com think Becher tastes like Christmas cake. Originally published February 2007.

More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.

Tease

By on January 9, 2010 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

DoloresDolores was stubborn.

She’d been there for hours and hours, just holding out on the poor creature. She could sit there for days. Hell, it didn’t matter how long they waited … days, weeks.

She was not going to buck for that horny bitch. No matter how good that carrot might taste.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com think tortoise-riding is hot. Originally published February 2007.

More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.

Cubistry at Work

By on January 8, 2010 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

Hannibal WoncaweikHannibal Woncaweik passed on shortly after discovering the patent and blueprints for the Nostril-Stretching and Nose-Hair Clipping Device. He was bent on improving the design, which had killed its inventor at the turn of the century.

When I say “passed on”, what I really mean is that he died in a horrible explosion of flesh, cartilage and
congealed nose hair.

Clearly, his redesign was every bit as lethal as the original.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are both fans of Michael Flannigan’s work. Originally published January 2007.

More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.

Furnished room for let

By on January 6, 2010 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

The Infamous Kelly GangThe Kelly Gang was notorious, not only for their 1905 pancake rampage through East Ham, but for their queer genetic makeup.

In the back row, you can make out the vacant gazes of Bertie (left), Wayne (middle) and Herbert (right). For some reason, all of the older brothers were either confused, half-witted or smelled like bacon.

In the front row, you can see the younger brothers are a little more intelligent: Jefferson (left), Enid (middle) and Patrocles (right). Jefferson and Patrocles had superhuman taste, which, while not a particularly useful gift, helped them enjoy the finer things in life, even if they could only find them in the dustbin. Enid had laser vision. (At least, that’s what the ladies all said.)

The older brothers were all killed during the 1906 Waffle Atrocity, while the younger brothers all went on to be successful hobos.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are hobo celebrities. Originally published January 2007.

More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.