Love this one from xkcd:
Archive for February, 2010
This is somewhat of an oldie, in web terms, but I just saw it yesterday, so what the hell:
Alltop is top hat.
“This traffic is the End.”
“Don’t be such a drama queen.”
“Everything depends on this meeting.”
“Dude, relax. You can’t do anything about it.”
“You could . . .”
“I don’t work for free, man . . . Seriously? You’d pay it?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s the angle?”
“No angle. I NEED to make that meeting.”
“Who could be scarier than me?”
“Who do you think?”
“Shit. He’s taking a meeting with YOU, dude?”
“Yep.”
“And all I have to do is get you there? ”
“Yes . . ..”
“Okay. We’re here, dude. Tell the big guy I’m ready.”
“He knows.”
Originally appeared on Name Your Tale (last week). Alltop has entered into a Faustian bargain with humor bloggers too. Fire photo courtesy of Paul+Photos=Moody.
This is just loopy, but I think you may enjoy it. Just be sure to turn the volume on your speakers down a bit if you’re at work. (Not off, just down.)
You can find this webcast fail at youtube too.
Alltop is also quite recursive.
“Mr. President, we have to talk about the unit.”
“What unit, Minister?”
“Remember the regiment that was forgotten in the Peltarsh Mountains?”
“Right. The unit of horse archers. Did we ever figure out what to do with all those old compound bows? I’ve got one in the armoury — it’s quite ingenious in design, you know, thought it’s primitive. Did you know it uses horn?”
“Yes, sir. We auctioned most of them off on E-Bay. The idea was to help pay for the retraining.”
“Excellent. I like to see our Departments using our resources efficiently. How is the unit shaping up?”
“Well, not as well as it did with our cavalry units. We had a surprising number of troopers who were able to fly the helicopters, and the rest really seem to like the idea of being called air cavalry.”
“And the horse archers?”
“Most of them seem to think the helicopters are some kind of god.”
“I see. Well we had to expect some problems. They were isolated in the mountains for centuries, without any word from us. If I remember the file, the country was still under the control of the ancient dictator Slagothon the Bloody when they last heard from the capital.”
“Yes. We’ve been trying to educate them and bring them into the 21st century. It has, uh, been somewhat costly.”
“How much?”
“About ten times what it takes to upgrade our cavalry units.”
“I see, and the recommendations?”
“Well, we think we can do it, but we may lose the unit cohesion that we were trying to save. The unit has quite a storied history. Did you know they defeated the Horde of Logdor on their own?”
“I see. Naturally, these are their descendants. So how much more do you think it will cost?”
“Estimates are high. Possibly 500 million.”
“And they think the helicopters are gods?”
“Yes. Every time a pilot gets into the cockpit they scream in horror. They think the god is eating them.”
“And when they come out?”
“Well, it’s a miracle to them. They’ve started worshiping the pilots. Or stoning them to death. It has started a small religious disagreement.”
“Could we just send them back to the mountains?”
“Sure. They’ve been guarding that flank of our country from the barbarians for centuries. I say we give them some rifles, a few officers with modern training, and let them do it.”
“So we have a plan.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
[pause]
“Well?”
“There’s just one other matter. You know our territories down in the Glotharian jungle? Well it turns out we have a unit of warriors down there.”
“What do you mean, warriors?”
“Well, it’s hard to define.”
“Give it a try Minister.”
“I should probably start by explaining that they’re armed with clubs . . .”
Apologies for any readers who have never played Civilization (IV), a strategy game, which is digital crack. Alltop is all about the humor victory. Thanks to Stuck in Customs for photo.
A weekly beard forecast is an important way to predict upcoming flurries of furriness, hails of hair and any other facial fungus developments that may be a danger to the public.
Nothing is more perilous than the goatee, and Lunchbreath has provided this handy pocket guide to help us stay safe out there!
Alltop is fond of the executive.
Dude! Let’s go catch some zesty waves!
You can find the video on Flickr too, if the embedded version siflays hracka.
Alltop is also a dreamer. Thanks to elenakulikova for this charming and absurd moment of reflection.
From my witty and insightful Chesleyan colleague, Martin Redfern:
- Exaggerate Canadian chances of a medal. Show profile.
- Present entire competition as the story of #1.
- Don’t forget to mention all the injuries and hardships overcome: broken legs, cranial trauma, corns, nymphomaniac sister…
- Pretend to be surprised and disappointed by outcome when athlete does not win gold.
- Interview Canadian athlete and ask, in essence, “How does it feel to have disappointed your entire country, loser?”
- Casually mention any Canadian connection — no matter how tenuous — to the athlete who did win gold.
- Go to 1.
Alltop also has high expectations.
It was the best game of zenball ever, and the crowd was wild with excitement: the whisper of butterfly wings was deafening.
The Rotrovra Koan Kangaroos had just scored their first all-in kensho, and the Targenville Half-Lotus Lions replied with a double-satori. The Roos launched a full-out dharma walk, but they were unable to penetrate the Lions’ impressive grasp of paradox.
The Roos had to do something or the Lions would surely win. The hush of the field filled with the deadly susurration of arrows, as they invoked the five second rule.
Afterwards, only the voice of a bamboo flute.
