Archive | April, 2010

Eventually, you’re going to need a robo-nun

Eucrecia is fitted for her new exoskeletonEucrecia was pretty exciting about her transformation into a Happy Ending Pleasure Bot, but the nice men at Nazi-Works 3000 were having problems with the fittings.

It was delicate work. The cavity extruder was just barely powerful enough to fit Eucrecia into the chest exoskeleton and having carefully examined her lady bits, the scientists were unsure if the standard accouterments would work.

Sister Mary Hand Job was experienced at this kind of thing. Besides, she was an enthusiastic amateur cyborgier, and the nunnery was running low on fresh ovaries.

Alltop is a tiny and polite human. Image shamelessly ripped off from Fengtastic, and I have no idea where they found it.

Schism opens way for creation of SinoPope

RoboPopeVATICAN CITY (The Skwib) — In the ecclesiastically chaotic schism between the Pope at the Vatican and the RoboPope at Avignon, the warring Popes have been able to agree on one thing: there is no room for a SinoPope.

Both the Vatican and Avignon Holy Fathers have excommunicated two bishops ordained by China’s state-controlled church without papal consent.

The state-conrolled quasi-religious Communist-Catholoic church — the Chinese Patriotic Catholic Association — announced that it was splitting from both Vatican- and Avignon-based Holy Fathers, was constructing its own android Pontiff to lead the Chinese “Catholics”.

A press release stated that the so-called SinoPope, would be superior in design to RoboPope, and that its organic components would include brain tissue cultured from the Chairman (Mao Zedong), thus ensuring its political purity and popularity with the Chinese people. (According to the Chinese schematics for their robotic religious leader, other organic parts must be replaced frequently, and thus will come from tissues harvested from recently executed “criminals”.)

Chinese officials have said they expect the SinoPope will be 70 percent infallible, and that the 30 percent fallibility is an acceptable loss.

RoboPope told The Skwib in telephone interview that “SinoPope can kiss my shiny metal ass.”

The Vatican did not return our phone calls.

RoboPope saga:
RoboSchism | Avignon releases Robopope schematics | No room for SinoPope

Alltop is HumorPope! Originally published November, 2007.