Archive | July, 2010

Picasso’s Women from Five-Dimensional Space Prepare to Absorb The Artist’s Essence

Picasso's Women from Five-Dimensional Space Prepare to Absorb The Artist's Essence

There is something undeniably creepy and alien about the women portrayed in Pablo Picasso’s masterpiece, Les Demoiselles d’Avignon. He painted this in 1907, though it wasn’t shown publicly until nearly a decade later. When it was finally revealed, it was like Picasso threw a plasma bomb into the art world. It was immoral. Outrageous.

According to the BBC series, The Private Life of a Masterpiece :

Les Demoiselles D’Avignon shattered the image of the female form in painting.The contorted, angular bodies of the prostitutes in Picasso’s work were a far cry from the curvaceous, sensuous nudes that had adorned galleries for centuries.

Completed in 1907, the finished painting wasn’t exhibited publicly until 1916, acquiring its present title. Nicknamed The Young Ladies of Avignon by the exhibition’s organiser, the name stuck, much to Picasso’s annoyance. He insisted that, to him, it would always be called My Brothel.

So yes, many a model of Picasso did end up absorbing his “essences” in one way or another. But don’t get me wrong, Picasso was possibly the most influential painter of the 20th century. As Newsweek said:

The man created fine art’s equivalent of rock and roll and then put in seven decades producing some of modernism’s greatest hits. It’s as if Chuck Berry and Elvis were one person who made it to age 91.

Send me yours!

Want to get in on this game of slapping SF titles on famous paintings? Send me an email markarayner (at) gmail.com or a notice via Twitter (@markarayner). There are some other new efforts to check out already! Soon, there shall be a gallery.

René Magritte knows “Neo is in big trouble”, by Ruby Theresa
Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot’s “Dante & Virgil Encounter the Shapeshifters”, by Sherry D. Ramsey.

Alltop paints only with its fingers. Now, sponsored content:

If you are very interested in the arts, a PhD online seems like it could teach you a thing or two.

Professor Quippy: Research shows chatting with babes is good for a man’s mental health

Professor QuippyMore groundbreaking science from the Institute of the Painfully Obvious has revealed what men have instinctively understood since we came down out of the trees and starting knocking about on the plain: having ANY kind of conversation with an attractive woman is good for a man’s mental health.

Not to be too facetious though … the mechanics of this truth are kind of interesting. Researchers at the University of California recruited 149 male volunteers between the ages of 18-24. Two thirds of the group got to spend five minutes being interviewed by the most smoking research assistants the scientists could hire (without arousing the suspicions of the Department of Feminist Studies). One third got to talk to some male nerd.

The lucky 100 interviewed by the hotties saw a huge spike in their testosterone and cortisol levels (14% and 48% respectively.) The poor bastids interviewed by the wretched male nerd actually saw a tiny drop in both levels.

Cortisol helps reduce stress and improves mood. Testosterone, that most maligned of man-juices, makes a man more alert and focused, and even helps with cardiovascular health. (Of course, too much can cause problems.)

With any luck, we’ll soon see therapeutic regimes that put this important research into practice. I would also like to take this opportunity to suggest to the researchers a new line of inquiry: are there positive effects on a man spending a few hours in a strip club.

Come on people, it’s for science!

Alltop loves it some science. Via. Read the study at the Royal Society website.

Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#35)

From the Book of Cephalopods

Suckers on octopus armYeah, I speak to you about the evil times to come, and the truth shall be written in the ink of the cephalopods, and many shall wail and weep at its truth.

Lo! In this time there shall be a Contest of the Foot, throughout the lands both Holy and Heathen, and they shall worship of the Ball of the Foot. And in their wickedness, there shall be wagering, and taking of the odds, and many shekels will pass back over the hands of the Usurers, who worship the an unholy book.

And verily, it shall come to pass that in the Barbarian lands of Germania, there shall be a cephalopod of Great Power. And he shall be an mollusk of Eight Arms, and the Devil shall give it Knowledge of the Contest of the Foot, and shall predict, with great Divination. And his name shall be Paul.

Truly, this Octopus named Paul shall Divine the Contest of Foot — and it shall be a Sign! And many will Worship of the Octopus named Paul. And they shall be wicked. And others, in their wantonness, shall wish to consume of its flesh, and it will be bad.

But they all will be Suckers.

Alltop bet against wantonness and paid the price. Newsy proof: Wikipedia entry for Paul the Octopus. Suckers by Pashazade.

Edvard Munch’s Face-Melting Attack of the Tragdorg Armada

Okay, so it’s really just called The Scream, and was painted in 1893. That doesn’t make it any less disturbing though. Here’s how Munch described what inspired it:

I was walking along a path with two friends — the sun was setting — suddenly the sky turned blood red — I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence — there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city — my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety — and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature. (via)

When there’s enough, I’ll put together a gallery.

Alltop likes to fingerpaint — with plasma weapons! Inspired by this madman. Sherry joins the fun — Claude Monet’s Venice, with Alien Firebombs.

Forty-Seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#36)

From the Book of Ruth

Chinese dude in a silly hatIn the far-off heathen in the Land of Sinim, there shall be a Great Rumour. And it shall cause a Perturbation and Excitement amongst the man-children of Sinim.

Lo! They shall have a perverse desire to beget only the Male Child, and the girl children shall be scorned, and unwanted. And they shall bind the feet of those who are born. Truly, the male children will grow and become men, and they shall be desirous of the females. And they shall cast about and say, “where are all the babes?”

Yeah, the Great Rumour will begin. There will be news from afar, from the Icy Lands, that a mythical city built in the Deep Forest is filled with 25,000 lonely women. And the Great Rumour will tell the men of Sinim that the women have taken one another as was done on the Isle of Lesbos.

And the Great Rumour shall cause an Excitement in the Lands of Sinim; and many shall purchase of the Travel Agent, and learn Swedish, but they shall be disappointed and there will be a Massive Disappointment and a rhythmical fapping sound, and the echoes of many clicks shall Scour the Land of Sinim.

Proof at the Daily Telegraph: Women-only town of Swedish lesbians does not exist, at CNET: Chinese Web choked by men searching for ‘Lesbian city’, and, The Australian: Sex-mad men search for ‘lesbian’ Chako Paul City. Alltop doesn’t believe everything it reads. Photo by Garry Knight. Originally published, October 2009.

Van Gogh’s Close Encounters with the Slorg-Men of Auculus VI

Close Encounters with the Slorg-Men of Auculus VI

Kidding! It’s Van Gogh’s Starry Night, painted while staying at an Asylum in Saint-Remy (1889).

I know, now you’re itching to hear the theme song, right?

YouTube Preview Image
Close Encounters of the Third Kind duet scene.

Alltop does a great humor impression. Meme begun by Archer and Lawyerworldland. Read the comments to see the explanation of what the hell is going on by Asbestos Dust.