Tag Archives | satire

The Future Is Frenzied

Chad gets ready to test the Frink Dojigger 12...Professor Albedo-9000 Frink (the Third) was justifiably proud of his invention. It had taken him nearly 300 years of his genetically enhanced life to construct the Frink Dojigger 12. (Experimental models 1-11 proved un-viable.)

Using only the finest Moussorgsky rodent filaments and all the heavy element Poutinium available in the Liquid Fermentation Galaxy, he had constructed the first Pan-Dimensional TeleKinetic Operating System known to man.

It wasn’t perfect yet, by any means. The Moussorgsky rodent filaments only worked when fed a steady diet of Hermelin cheese and light Russian opera. And the Poutinium was playing hell with the customized Evacuation Module he’d purchased from Googlishus Industries.

And of course, he had no idea what the Frink Dojigger did yet, but he was pretty certain the twelfth model the wouldn’t de-molecularize its operator.

Pretty sure. He still thought it prudent to get his latest grad student, Chad, to try it out first.

Alltop loves light Russian opera! From Toulouse Le Grandfig in the Land of the Future | photo by Victoria Peckham. Originally published in November, 2007.

Forgotten Deities: Flaccidus, The Roman God of Engineers

Woodcut of rooster

Ancient woodcut of a rooster, the favored form of sacrifice to the Roman god, Flaccidus.

Flaccidus was a god revered during the time of the Roman Republic.

Flaccidus was a kind of angry god, but not in the Mars I’m-going-to-stab-you-with-a-spear way, but in a passive aggressive, I’m-going-to-make-your-spear-limp, kind of way. For example, if you had something that required stiffness, and Flaccidus didn’t look favorably on you, then something you would very much like to stay upright would droop at inopportune times.

Most engineers in the Roman construction industry were active worshipers of Flaccidus, and they would sacrifice to him weekly, because let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than having one of your erections fall flat. Not to mention the dangers of sinking bridges, droopy apartment buildings, and aqueducts that can’t keep it up. Naturally, our English word, flaccid, comes from this Latin root.

Interestingly, worship of Flaccidus waned in the early part of the Roman Empire, when a mystery cult devoted to a blue-faced Eastern god named Via Gara became quite popular.

Favorite form of sacrifice: a male chicken, still in the state of rigor mortis. The Romans thought that would work for some reason.

Alltop thinks it works for some reason too. Original rooster image by Antaean at Flickr. This post is based on a letter I sent to Larry Miller, about the problems he was having with his “boom mic” during his excellent podcast, This Week with Larry Miller.