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Give a Little Monkeyjoy this holiday

By on December 22, 2011 in Skwibby fiction

If you’re still looking for gifts, both of my novels are available on Kindle for 99-cents — until the end of the year!

And yes, you can give a Kindle book as a gift. Just click on the “Give as a Gift” button on the right side of the screen when you get to Amazon.

Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals The Amadeus Net

You can also get them in all other formats at Smashwords: Marvellous Hairy | The Amadeus Net.

And, of course, the dead tree versions are also available wherever books are sold online.

Alltop loves dead trees! Especially at Christmas.

Betsy of Narnia Reveals the Ugly Truth

By on December 19, 2011 in But is it art?, Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

Betsy of Narnia -- cow with map‘Allo, dearie, I suppose you’d like to hear all about your hero Aslan and those Pevensie folk, but you don’t want to hear it from the likes of me.

You want to talk to Edmund’s horse Phillip or p’raps those Beavers (desperate suck-ups the Beavers). They’ll tell you want you want to hear.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was not a fan of that bitch queen at all. Not at all. Us Jersey cows are not made for the cold, and the White Witch had the thermostat turned down all the time, but at least when she was running things, me and the other ladies were more or less left to my own devices.

But since the Pevensies have taken over the establishment, it has been nothing but toil for the likes of me. I get milked at least once a day, usually by that pervert Mr. Tumnus.

(Would it surprise you know that he always has a slurp of me longer teat before milks t’others? He bites a bit too.)

And don’t get me started on General Otman. You’d think a famous centaur like that would have his choice of lady centaurs, and even horses, ‘fer Christ’s sake, but he has a taste for the Jersey, if you get me meanin’.

But it’s not so much the milking and unwanted attention. It’s what happens to the young ‘uns, the male young ‘uns.

It’s not like that Christmas roast just magically appears, you see.

Alltop never did trust that Mr. Tumnus. Photo by normanack. Originally published in 2005!