The Poetry of
Banger McReady

"The Bloody, Bloody Broom"

"Mud, Mud, Blud, Blud:
A Fightin' Man's Ditty"

From Jam to Blam!
Spendawad's Progress

Throgmorton Spendawad's early prowess as a lobber of jam tarts (1i) was finally put to good use in 1914, when he enlisted in the 1^st Field Artillery Brigade of the RCR as a grenadier (1) at the ripe old age of 28. An ardent practitioner of psychological warfare, Spendawad hurled invective as well as incendiaries, bellowing "Pomegranate!" at the French each time he heaved a grenade towards enemy lines. The noisy and enthusiastic Scot became an expert in handling explosives in an understandable effort to avoid blowing off his arms, and was soon known among his fellow soldiers by the nickname "Banger McReady."

It was here, in the trenches of Ypres, while suffering from the lingering after-effects of an embarrassing premature explosion that Spendawad met a Canadian physician, Dr. John McCrae. Engaging in casual conversation while crouched in the fetid mud of a crumbling trench, trembling beneath an endless hail of withering enemy fire, the two soldiers discovered a mutual affinity for baked goods, floral poetry and fresh fruit.

Sitting side by side on that grey May day, the two writer-warriors each composed a poetic memorial as a lasting legacy to the horrors they had seen. McCrae's timeless poem "In Flanders Fields," known around the world for its poignant description of the poppy-spotted wasteland of Ypres, was published in Punch in December 1915. Spendawad's "The Bloody, Bloody Broom,"(2) the heartrending tale of the flowers that spoiled his cousin Desmond's (3) wedding day, was folded up and used to plug a hole in his left puttee. Recently unearthed, the text of Throgmorton Spendawad's previously unknown verdant verse can now take its rightful place alongside Banger McReady's better known battlefield poetry, including the classic "Mud, Mud, Blud, Blud: A Fightin' Man's Ditty."

--"Scholarship" by Flyboy

Notes:

1i) In early 1894, Emily Chesley had been at a book signing tea, inserting her monogram into the cleavage of the Brain Beasts of Blenheim Township, when a young reader plopped down a copy of Carroll's latest book, Sylvie and Bruno Concluded (1893) and asked her to sign it. She tried to explain to the young boy that the book was not hers, but he would not be mollified. Instead, he started lobbing jam tarts and other foodstuff at the prim proprietor of the sleepy bookstore, inadvertently spattering a Mrs. Shapely Legg (nee Bottom ) with clotted cream.

This was a most unfortunate circumstance. The young lady in question had only recently concluded both a court case (the infamous Library Bosom Affair) and the prima noctis of her marriage to Mr. Big Legg III. With the trauma of both incidents still foremost in her mind, the gobbet of clotted cream that landed in her decollage and along the side of her face left her in, according to the attending physician, "an advanced state of sexual catatonia."

The young man was later inducted into the RCR, and fought in France during the First World War, penning war poetry under the clipped pseudonym "Banger McReady". Chesley, remembering the encounter, quoted one of his best known poems: "Mud, Mud, Blud, Blud" in the opening chapter of her 1917 novel, Aantz! [...Back]

1) The grenade's effectiveness in attacking enemy positions during the trench warfare of World War I led to its becoming a standard part of the combat infantryman's equipment, which it has continued to be. The word grenade probably derived from the French word for pomegranate, because the bulbous shapes of early grenades resembled that fruit. [...Back]

2) Broom, the flower, refers to any of several shrubs or small trees of the genus Cytisus, of the pea family. The densely-growing Broom, indigenous to England and commonly found growing wildly in the heaths of Scotland, is named in reference to the eponymous habit of making sweeping devices out of its long, slender, erect and tough branches. Broom is also cultivated for its eye-catching flowers which, with their abundance of pollen, are highly attractive to bees. Before the introduction of Hops, tender green tops of Broom were often used to communicate a bitter flavour to beer, and to render it more intoxicating. Broom was also used in ancient Anglo-Saxon medicine and by the Welsh physicians of the early Middle Ages. It had a place in the London Pharmacopoeia of 1618 and is included in the British Pharmacopoeia of the present day. Cytisus canariensis, or "Scotch Broom," is known to emit psychoactive smoke when burned, and is enjoyed greatly by the Yaqui Indians of Sonora State on the west coast of Mexico. It is unknown whether leading institutions (such as the Heilanstalt Ruuschgiftundpeyotesucht Und Badenhause Bayerische and the Sherksbury-on-Whimple Spa) have made use of Broom's medicinal properties in treating their more. difficult. patients. [...Back]

3) Desmond Poltroon (of the Dorchester Poltroons) married Alicia Utter in June 1899. While the marriage was never consummated, the Widow Poltroon benefited largely from one of Michael Flannigan's last and most seminal inventions, the Turkish Bastard Baster. The resultant issue was the little-quoted dental philosopher Barnaby Utter-Poltroon. [...Back]