Spot the Newton!

newtonHello and welcome to today’s edition of Spot the Newton, where you pick out the UNtrue facts about Sir Isaac Newton:

  • was unquestioningly one of the most important scientists ever
  • died a virgin
  • had a passion for alchemy above all else
  • once poked a needle in his eye to test an optical theory
  • used his roommate’s towel (for who knows what purpose)
  • inventedĀ a bed-wetting machine for pranking his fellow students
  • punched his sister
  • developed the calculus (Gottfried Leibniz also did this)
  • had a crossbow, and lied about it to his grandmother
  • lived for one year on a diet of apples
  • was a religious nutjob who learned Hebrew so he could discover the “secret” meaning of the Bible
  • threatened to burn down his mother and step-father’s house
  • beat the shit out of Arthur Storer
  • needed to relax a bit.

Answers accepted in the comments, or via the FB page.

Alltop has a passion for the alchemy of humor. Sources: io9, Facts/Legends, but no cheating. Image by Stavros Damos.

A Robot Regrets

A robot regrets

Meeptron the Bio-Destruction Bot looked out at the wasteland that once was Peoria and thought that his work had actually made it look nicer. Of course, he was programmed that way, so he couldn’t really help it. He thought about that little Red Juggernaut he’d met on Robo-Leave that summer. Gloria.

Yes, sweet Gloria. She was the kind of destructive cybernetic entity that he could see himself settling down with, and perhaps starting a family Bio-Destruction Juggernauts of their own. Of course, they’d have to build the manufactory themselves, because his boss sure wouldn’t help.

And he’d probably have to give up his dream of becoming lead dancer at the Voltron Mega-Kill Ballet. Meeptron sighed, powered up his plasma-death-beam array, and vaporized the puny humans which had survived his initial onslaught.

Alltop is not populated by puny humans either. Thanks to Alan Trotter for the pic. Originally published March, 2009, and now it’s part of the Pirate Therapy and Other Cures collection.

Interview in Western News

westernMy authorial compadre at the Faculty of Information and Media Studies, Kane Faucher, did a great job of interviewing me a while back, and it appeared in print today. Seriously. on PAPER, so you know it’s legit! You can read: “Finding humour in a changing landscape” here.

Western News is the campus paper “of record” for The University of Western Ontario, where I spend goodly part of my time, instructing students on how to create information architectures that won’t become self-aware and destroy all humans. (At least, so far.)

While you’re at it, check out Kane’s website and his books at: Kane X. Faucher. His work is amazing, and I particularly loved his latest satire, Professor Montgomery Cristo: An Adjunct’s Tale.

Alltop is about 23% satire.