Dr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he’d yet to master even the most basic principles.
First of all, he just wasn’t into all that yucky stuff with the internal organs and putting them in jars. Coptic or not.
Secondly, he found the mixture of soda ash, bicarbonate and household salt he was meant to bath his mummies in just unpleasant. “Natron my ass,” he’d mutter.
Thirdly, most of his volunteers did not want to have a red-hot poker shoved up their nose so he could remove their brains. (Though he was keen to try.)
He did enjoy the wrapping process though.
Alltop is more into lycanthropes. Photo by Marcel Van Der Flug via Strange Ink. Originally published, Setpember 2009.
Belinda was a notorious cheapskate, who was cloned from several ancient lines of DNA; not of any single species, Belinda’s genetic material was a chimera of strands originating with proto-humans from places that are evocative of myth, names to conjure past skinflint history with: Belgium, Holland, & Scotland.
This was pertinent because she refused to pay even the most perfunctory fee charged by the Suicide Booth Conglomerate.
Shattolott City, 1932
The man who loved onions.
He loved onions
Loved em. Really.
He loooved them. If you catch my drift.
The authorities frowned on his vegetable affections, but he would not stop. I sing joy monkey monkey at his happy artifice.
But in this country, I did not eat.
Next Time: On the Fields of Eton
About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he never wore that frilly gown. Never!
Seriously, you have to go buy Amazon.com. Or just one of the books there, we suggest this one. Do it or the blog gets it. We’re fading already! Originally published in 2008.
Hermitage Villas, 3000 BC
I’m in the land of the Amazons. The women are giant. And cruel. They play a game called “Truncheons and Skulls” with the men.
The winners levitate the unfortunate survivors; these poor devils are forced to laugh at their ignominious floating before they are consumed by carnivorous haberdashery.
I weep. My cigar is flaccid. All-told, I am sorry to have left the boat.
Next Time: Onionania
About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he was fond of mulit-layered conundrums that could be fried with garlic.
Marvellous Hairy is sorry to have left the boat. You know, you’re never supposed to leave the boat. Watch for tigers if you do. And cows. Originally published July 2008.