Tag Archives | facial hair

The Trustworthiness of Beards

Trustworthiness of beardsFinally, a new advance in the Beard Sciences! Here at the Institute of the Hirsute, we applaud this initiative.

This exhaustive study of trustworthiness, vis-a-vis a gentlemen’s hair foliage, will help generations better understand who they’re dealing with. (Click the image on the left to see the full spectrum of beard/trustworthiness.)

I would like to note one area where this study has made, what I believe, to be an error. Of course, I’m talking about the Stalin’s Moustache paradigm. Please note the shape of Stalin’s moustache, and then map it on the trustworthiness scale. As you can see, it is clearly falling somewhere between the Full Moustache (aka The Wilfred Brimley) and the Cop Moustache (aka The Burt Reynolds, aka, The Fireman), which both fall into the Mildly Trustworthy category. Stalins' moustacheI note a very slight, almost impossible to detect upturning of Stalin’s moustache, which may lead one to place it slightly towards the Handlebar (Questionable), and would like to propose that the Stalin have it’s own place in the scale. Based on the purges, his ruthlessness, and general history, somewhere between Dangerous and Disastrous.

In all other regards, though, this new Chin Covering Spectrum is an extremely important tool for those of us in the Beard Sciences.


Check out some hairy reads here …

Alltop is sporting some Mutton Chops, but we think it’s okay.

The Slovakian

The Slovakian -- master coach of the beard olympics

To those of us covering the games as journalists, he was known simply as The Slovakian, but to the many athletes who depended on his expertise, he was much, much more than a name.

He was a prickly taskmaster. He bristled whenever an athlete did not make the most of his talents. His sense of humor and pride were best described as ticklish.

And for anyone hoping to win gold, his training regimen was indispensable.

He was the greatest whisker coach of the Beard Olympics.

Alltop enjoys a little facial fungus. Awesome photo by zamario.