Tag Archives | global warming

Ask General Kang: I’ve just spilled really hot coffee in my lap — is this what they mean by "global warming"?

Ask General KangMost of the scientific community and a large number of other thinking hominids believe global warming to be an observed increase in the average temperature of the Earth’s atmosphere and oceans in recent decades. Most of those people accept that anthropogenic greenhouse gas emissions are a major contributing factor to global warming.

For the rest, your definition is no doubt preferable.

Next time: What is the proper etiquette for introducing yourself to the Queen of the Netherlands while in a state of undress?

Alltop loves warming its globe. Originally published in September, 2006! Now a part of my collection, Pirate Therapy and Other Cures.

Don't make me Zardoz you

has your ruling class lost its mind?Sometimes things get ugly.

An argument goes awry. Friends drift apart. Families break up because they don’t share the same existential desires.

Sure, we all hope that eventually, human society will change for the better. Eventually, we’ll have a civilized strata, and a rough, hirsute barbarian underclass. This is as it should be. But god forbid the civilized group loses its mind and does things that are bad for all humanity!

This is what it is to be Zardozed.

(As we all are.)

Alltop is fond of the breech-clout.

WTF? Harper ditches Summit on Climate Change!

So let’s be clear about this. A hundred world leaders gather at the UN to discuss climate change, and our PM decides to meet with the mayor of New York instead?

Lest you have any trouble deciphering the hidden message, Harper is saying: “I don’t give a shit about this so-called climate change thing.” He’s not even going through the motions.

And yes, the magnetic Environment Minister Jim Prentice attended all day, and Harper went to the dinner, but that’s kind of like sending Forrest Gump to take notes at the Mensa meeting, and then coming for the post-chess whiskey tasting. It might be more fun, but it certainly isn’t taking the endeavour very seriously.

(Obviously, I have no idea what happens at Mensa meetings, though I’m sure they’re more interesting than climate change conferences held at the UN. Even so: Shame, Stephen Harper. Shame!)

At least one journalist took notice:


If the embedded video craps out worse than Harper, you can find the story here: Bob Fife calls out Stephen Harper for not showing up to UN climate change meetings. Also, you might want to check out this page, which has another report by Fife linked under the video screen.

A special thanks to Scott for alerting me to this one.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com have no idea where Canada is.

Professor Quippy: Global warming caused by unleaded gasoline

Professor QuippyResearchers have discovered that good old-style leaded gasoline protected us from global warming in the 20th century.

You may already know that particles in the air help create ice crystals in the atmosphere, which can reflect some solar radiation back into space. This helps keep the Earth from sweating its ass off.

Lead, as it turns out, is a super-ice-crystal forming substance. This forming of ice crystals is called “nucleation”. (Don’t get ahead of me here.) According to the New Scientist: “Dan Cziczo and colleagues of the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory in Richland, Washington, created artificial clouds in the laboratory to explore the ice nucleation efficiency of various particles.” Lead is highly effective at “nucleation”.

But you know what else is a boffo “nucleation” particle? Radioactive material. Yep, it’s true. Nothing reflects solar radiation back into space better than radiation suspended in dust and the upper atmosphere (except the rare chemical element known as IRONY-42).

So there you have it, the solution for global warming. Light up a few nukes in uninhabited regions — not enough to bring a full-on nuclear winter, but enough to turn down the thermostat a few degrees. To be extra “nucleated”, we could deposit all the Chinese-made children’s toys at ground zero, thus doubling our effectiveness. (Radioactive particles + lead = nucleation 🙂 )

Either that, or Dr. Tundra could finish his work on his ultimate weapon, the IRONY bomb. Personally, I’m afraid of the projected sarcasm fallout from this device.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are deadly isotopes of COMEDY-12. More details about the lead at the New Scientist.