Mozart’s birthday today

Posted on January 27, 2013 by Mark A. Rayner

To celebrate, let’s play his famous requiem:

And then go check out The Amadeus Net, a novel in which I posit that:

the big guy never died
he toys with the idea of gender realignment
when not contemplating the snipping of his “sprouter”, he enjoys playing jazz
the composer is much beloved by the world’s first sentient city.

Paperback via ENC Press. Available as ebooks on Kindle and at Smashwords.

Alltop is the world’s first sentient humor aggregator. Thanks to Yareah Magazine for noting the date.

Yet another NEW piece by Mozart discovered

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Mark A. Rayner

As you may know, I’ve written a novel in which Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is alive and well, and supporting himself by writing “lost” Mozart pieces.

Another one was discovered earlier this week in an attic in Austria. According to the BBC story, it was composed by a young Mozart and transcribed by his father, Leopold. It’s not his most brilliant work, but what do you want, the kid was 10.

No word yet on if there were orange fingerprints on it. (This is how Mozart’s secret is discovered in my story — his penchant for Cheezie-os while he composes.)

And now, the new Mozart piece:

The Amadeus Net is available as a paperback, direct from the publisher. Or as an ebook on Kindle or Smashwords.

Alltop always preferred Salieri. The swine.

Read The Amadeus Net for free!

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Mark A. Rayner

ENC Press is giving away a free PDF copy of The Amadeus Net for anyone who’d like to learn what an immortal Mozart would do about falling in love with a lesbian nurse (who works at a sex-change clinic). The Amadeus Net is a satirical novel that explores art, love, and identity at the end of the world.

The book is available until May 31st.

Don’t forget to check out the rest of the ENC catalog while you’re there!

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Letter from Wolfers Edition)

Posted on January 28, 2011 by Mark A. Rayner

On names (slide one)

Baptized Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Gottlieb) Mozart
That fourth name variously translated to:

Amadeus (Latin)
Gottlieb (German)
Amadeo (Italian)
Amadè(French)

On names (slide four)

All-in-all, prefer Amadè
Close friends and family can call me “Wolfers”
YOU can lick my arse!
‘Till it’s clean!

Papa was a pimp (slide two)

And I was the boy mawke, as they say in London.
A famous pianist, as you know.
Pianist, pianist, pianist!

Papa was a pimp (slide three)

And my sister Nannerl, she was a bunter too.
A prodigious player of pianii.

Johann Christian Bach (slide four)

shown me how to put a lovely surface texture on piano sonata in B-flat
plus it sounds good with dramatic farts!

Constanze (slide twelve)

Light of my life
Puts up with long nights, expense of candles
Did I mention her cunny?

Prague (slide two)

My Praguers understand me.
They liked Don Giovani.
And my pizzle-fizzle!

Composing (slide six)

Difficult work.
Requires rewriting.
And a place to shit!

Death (slide two)

Would have lived longer without all the bleeding.
Oh, and the piss!

Alltop is marginally more foul-mouthed. Inspired by Mozart’s 255th birthday (yesterday). Originally published in January, 2006. Brought to you by The Amadeus Net, which features our caca-mouthed composer .