A Life of Adventure

A life of adventure
He was born Jars Peeblefrench, son of Bjorn and Nellie Peeblefrench, of the Stavenger Peeblefrenches — a family of well-established merchants in the toenail clipping district. Jars was tired of being Norwegian, and he left his family for a life of adventure and creeping insanity on the high seas.

Frustrated by his eternal desire for lutefisk and herring, he instead tamed the Turtle-Beast of Neepneep; he then conquered most of the Japanese Islands through a combination of terror, sheer chutzpa and cartoons that had no discernable plot or coherent narrative.

Later, he was bronzed while riding the massive reptile, and is now known simply as “Barry.”

Alltop is the Barry of humor aggregators. Part of the Toulouse Le Grandfig collection. | Photo by QbiT

How to open a door (and be awesome)

This is a Finnish instructional video from 1979. Click on the red CC if you want the subtitles.

Oh my god, don’t leaving me hanging like that rocking 70s mustache man! How the hell do I look awesome if the door opens towards me?

Now, is it me, or is the rocking 70s mustache man just filled with rage? Did you notice how he made that fist after he’s told us not to be a bad door opener? You can see the creeping insanity in his eyes there. He’s ENRAGED by bad door openers. In fact, I heard he was ordered to do this instructional video by the Finnish courts for beating an old man senseless with his own cane after he was unable to slide effortlessly through the portal.

I would like to see a follow up series of videos explaining how to obsessively wash your hands after you touch a door handle or even worse, a knob. (Shudder.)

Alltop is enraged by sloppy window cracking.