Early on in the Transmutation of Gary, there was a problem.
Gary didn’t enjoy the idea of being transmuted, though he was open to the idea of transubstantiation. (A non-starter, obviously.) We settled on transmogrification, which didn’t upset Gary as much, for some reason.
And so the helmet was fused to his body. An excellent start. But then another difficulty arose: his cigars. They were NOT negotiable, and so, we began a delicate period in the the Transmogrification of Gary: The Opening of Gary’s Helmet. It was touch and go, but we were successful. Surely the success of Gary’s transmutation was assured?
Alas, we did not anticipate Gary’s side-by-side genitalia.
Now transmorph your funny bone with some long-form satirical fiction: