Forty-seven signs of the apocalypse (#31)

From the Book of the Blessed Pie

pizzaofevilIt shall come to pass that the Pharisees of the Hut will take the Blessed Pie and unto it they shall do wicked things.

They will stuff the crust with their wantonness and cheese, and maketh of the Pie an Abomination. And there will be great perturbation among the People of Nutrition. And weeping. But the Pharisees of the Hut will not be content with the abhorrence of the cheese. Their wickedness shall know no bounds.

And in the Land of Twit, they will the flesh of dogs, and press this dubious meat into the form of tubes, and heat it, the very entrails of evil. And the Pharisees of the Hut shall take this Hot Dog, and into the crust of the Blessed Pie they shall stuff it.

Lo! There shall be terrible Heart Disease. And the children will feed on the Abomination. They will grow fat and restless.

And the wicked shall rejoice in the intestinal obstructions. And the dread beast Diabetes shall be released unto the land.

Alltop is restless for humor. Newsy Proof of the Prophecy in The Guardian: The hot dog stuffed pizza.

Professor Quippy: Scoring Pizza & Bad Stomach Chemicals

Professor QuippyResearchers have discovered that you can blame your pudgy middle on bad chemicals.

According to researchers at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, a hormone secreted by the stomach can cause junkie-like behavior when you see food.

Pizza? Score! Chicken wings? Groovy! Chocolate cake? Drop that man!

The guilty culprit is not your lack of willpower, it’s the hormone ghrelin, which is made in your stomach. As you get hungry, ghrelin levels rise and when you’ve eaten, they wane. In the study, volunteers were given a shot of ghrelin and then shown pictures of scrumptious, irresistible food. Their brains lit up just like a junkie’s.

Alain Dagher, a neurologist at McGill, says this is probably an evolutionary mechanism that encouraged our distant ancestors to bulk up on tasty calories whenever they had a chance (which probably wasn’t very often.) Fast forward a few thousand years, to the Era of Addictive Chicken, and this spells an obesity epidemic.

According to the New Scientist: “Several pharmaceutical companies already have their sights set on ghrelin, as drugs that block the hormone may quell hunger and fight obesity.”

The problem? If you turn off the hormone, it may affect other parts of your brain. Like, the segment of your cerebellum that makes you happy. The part that prevents you from falling into a deep, sponge-cake-like depression. And then killing yourself.

So, a danger of suicide, but at least you wouldn’t be fat anymore.

Humor-blogs.com is hopped up on laughter. Alltop too.