The O’Reilly Boys finally caught up with Old Judge Turgid at the Annual Pecos River Ride and Chili Jamboree. Salathial had hung their older brother Seamus “The Tinkle” O’Reilly just the year before and they were plum angry.
But Old Judge Turgid, he didn’t mind none. In addition to having a giant noggin’ that made his ten-gallon hat look like a Boston dandy’s bowler, Salathial Turgid had a legendary intestinal track capable of containing the very vapors of Hell.
He knew it. The O’Reilly Boys knew it. And the terrified denizens of Pecos knew it.
So when they put the Colt up against his temple, he laughed and said, “Boys, the only thing keeping my sphincter shut is my continued vo-lition. I’d give you the count of ten to va-moose but I suspect one of the town-folk will kill you first.”
Thanks to Michelle Jones for her creative photo and to the Hole-in-the-Mattress Gang. Originally published February, 2008.
Happy Friday everyone! I hope your weekend is pure pandamonium!
Yang your ying (or vice versa) with a little satirical fiction.
Alltop has more bare humor.
I love these alternate (more logical) endings. This one presupposes that Superman is actually pretty smart. (Which, I’m not saying he isn’t, by the way. But we all know Batman is the smart one.)
Alltop loves a good black hole joke.
Sorry to distract you from the usual nonsense around here, but I thought I’d share this screenshot from Amazon last night. As you can see, The Fridgularity is nestled between two Kurt Vonnegut books in bestselling satire. This is exciting, not only because Vonnegut is one of my literary heroes, but these are two of my favourite Vonnegut books!
And lest you think my head is getting all swollen with this excitement, I will point out the price of The Fridgularity is considerably lower, and Vonnegut is up there all the time. My visits have been brief.
So if you haven’t (for some reason) bought your copy of The Fridgularity, then now is a great time to do so. It’s 99¢ in ebook formats: Kindle Edition, and all other formats on Smashwords (Use Coupon Code: YU86X). If you’re still into the dead tree thing, like many of us, you can get it here for $12.99. (Use the coupon code: YGMVFZZY.) Once you’ve done that I highly recommend both Vonnegut books too.
Gratuitous self-promotion over!
Alltop is never above a self-aggrandizing aggregation either.