Take me to your breeder

Posted on October 12, 2012 by Mark A. Rayner

Klaktron XII and Wendy Klaktron XII was the Hyper-Commander of the United Federation of Incredibly Regular Planets Space Vessel, Cheeznip. His was a storied career. He’d eaten ultrasonic oysters in the Seafood Nebula, and lived to tell the tale (in five-part harmony). He’d fought the Mighty Slorg at the Interstellar Buffet of Shame and All-You-Can Ingest Space Bacon, narrowly escaping with a portion of the coveted Prime Rib. (Only served on Wednesdays.) And of course, he’d single-handedly defeated the Whiffle-Bat Armada of the Planet Cuddles.

But he’d never fallen in love.

Alltop was admiral of the Whiffle-Bat Armada. Photo via Twisted Vintage. Originally published, May 2010.

Why doesn’t SF produce “big idea” books anymore?

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Posted on May 28, 2012 by Mark

“…today you don’t need to read SF to get a sense of wonder high: you can just browse “New Scientist”. We’re living in the frickin’ 21st century. Killer robot drones are assassinating people in the hills of Afghanistan. Our civilisation has been invaded and conquered by the hive intelligences of multinational corporations, directed by the new aristocracy of the 0.1%. There are space probes in orbit around Saturn and en route to Pluto. Surgeons are carrying out face transplants. I have more computing power and data storage in my office than probably the entire world had in 1980. (Definitely than in 1970.) We’re carrying out this Mind Meld via the internet, and if that isn’t a 1980s cyberpunk vision that’s imploded into the present, warts and all, I don’t know what is. Seriously: to the extent that mainstream literary fiction is about the perfect microscopic anatomization of everyday mundane life, a true and accurate mainstream literary novel today ought to read like a masterpiece of cyberpunk dystopian SF.”

Charlie Stross, SF, big ideas, ideology: what is to be done?

Vermeer’s Girl With Funky Hat About to Be Sucked Into A Naked Singularity

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Mark

Few people know the Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer had an advanced understanding of modern physics, but only alluded to it in some of his works because he dare not reveal his knowledge. He lived in the mid-17th century, so if he went around talking about gravitational theories not dreamed of yet, he would have been locked up at best. (More likely — being burnt at the stake for witchcraft. Or warlockery, whatever they called it when men started raving about event horizons and the cosmic censorship hypothesis.)

This painting is actually called The Girl with the Pearl Earring, and was painted sometime around 1655. The artist may or may not have bumped uglies with the subject of this painting, even though she had a thing for weird headgear. Of course, if she looked like Scarlett Johansson, she could be wearing a live badger armed with hand grenades on her head and I wouldn’t care.

You can find more Famous Paintings with SF Titles here. If you do one of your own, let me know and I’ll add you to the gallery!

This is, of course, available as a t-shirt, at Cafe Press or Wordans.

Alltop thinks pearls are white, not silver. Originally published in July, 2009.

Evard Munch: The Revenant of Kristiania

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Mark

Most art historians will recognize this painting as “Evening on Karl Johan”, painted sometime in 1892, while its creator Edvard Munch was still a young man.

Modern commentators have described this painting as an existentialist cri de coeur, a public declaration hoping to wake up the somnolent crowd and face the reality of their lives. This is a reasonable interpretation if you did not know the true story of The Revenant of Kristiania, the painting’s original title.

Kristiania, now known as Oslo, was founded by Harald Sigurdsson in 1048. Harald’s career is a storied one. He fought for the Byzantine Empire (distinguishing himself with his valor and luck, and reputedly making himself one of the richest men in the world by looting the Imperial treasury after the death of three emperors.) He escaped Byzantine prison, and returned to Norway to discover that his half-brother was ruling in his stead.

According to legend, he made a pact with the forces of darkness so that he could be the sole ruler, and when his brother was killed by tainted lutefisk, he made Norway a great kingdom; he then invaded England in 1066. He was killed at the Battle of Stamford Bridge, and his soul returned to city that he founded to forever rule over it with a crushing sense of ennui and depression.

Most people like to blame this effect on long winters, shortened daylight hours, and the existence of lutefisk, but Munch had the courage to show the real story.

Check out more Famous Paintings with SF Titles here.

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