Tag Archives | spoof

The Catcher in the Rye

The Catcher in the Rye - cover imageIn 1950, J.D. Salinger was hired by the New York City Tourist Bureau to write a jazzy and young novel about the city that never sleeps, in hopes of increasing general awareness about the city, and why it was such a great travel destination. Boy, did they spend their money wisely.

Salinger’s story centers around the character of Holden Caulfield, who is a adolescent Catcher in training. The Catchers all have their own unique super-powers, and they are dedicated to making the world a better, more livable place. They are all trained at the famed Pencey Prep. Because of his impressive Talent (a mix of adolescent angst and insightfulness), he is sent by his Headmaster to New York City, to help make the city more livable and kind.

Caulfield faces many challenges and mystical experiences, in which he discovers that he is neither an orphan, nor the bastard son of the Evil Governor. For most characters, this is the kiss of death. Having no evil father to fight or lack of parents to overcome generally means you can be a bit player, or at best, the sidekick of the hero. But Caulfield digs deep and discovers hidden reserves of sarcasm that enable him to remain the novel’s protagonist, and not get molested by an old Master of Dark English.

Little known fact: The NYC Tourist Bureau paid Salinger $12 and “all the ether he could sniff” to write the book.

pirate therapy


Speaking of Goodreads, you can win a copy of my new book, Pirate Therapy & Other Cures, in a giveaway that ends May 15.

Add me as a friend while you’re there!

Alltop enjoys a good sniff at the end of a hard day’s humor aggregating. Originally published November 2010.

Living off the fat of the land

The Atkins Diet -- Dead by Dawn (pic of skull)As you may have noticed, the author has been somewhat obsessed with news about obesity, fat, losing fat, fitting into one’s pants, and so on. There is a reason, but he’s not sharing. Instead, he thought he would share this Reutars story:

Free liposuction supplies cosmetics entrepreneur

Monday May 13, 2008 8:55 AM ET

SANTA BERNARDO, California (Ruetars) — A plastic surgeon is offering a number of free services, including liposuction, to patients in the northern Californian spa town of Santa Bernardo.

“How can we afford it?” asks Dr. Darryl Lipid, owner of Sebaceous Cosmetics. “Volume. Seriously, part of the deal is based on four people agreeing to the have the procedure at the same time. Until we have our new mass suction lipectomy operating theater built it will be a relatively intimate affair.”

When the new building is ready, up to 24 patients will have their excess fat removed at the same time.

Patients also have to agree to undergo liposuction without the benefit of a local anesthetic.

“Yes. We keep the costs down by performing the lipoplasty without sedatives or anesthesia of any kind,” Lipid told Ruetars. “I won’t lie to you — it’s painful, and harrowing, but for those patients who have some pockets of stubborn fat, it is worth it.”

And what becomes of the “stubborn fat”? It gets used in the products that Sebaceous Cosmetics pedals to the rich clientele of Santa Bernardo.

“Yes, it’s true. Much of the tissue is rendered and used in the creation of our Human Touch cosmetics line. Our customers find Human Touch cosmetics superior to any other top-of-the-line cosmetics product.”

A significant portion of the extracted fat is sent to Germany.

“We have an agreement with a Germany company as well. We do not know what they are doing with the excess tissue, but we have a non-competitive agreement with them, so they are not allowed to use them in cosmetics. As far as I know, Human Touch is the only line designed with actual human tissue — a real breakthrough in the business of looking your best!”

The German company is Die Antropophagia GmbH, which sells foam-in-the-can dessert toppings.

They would not grant Ruetars an interview.

Apparently, there is a way that fat people could save American business (Slate). Humor-blogs.com and alltop never speak of themselves in the third person, though he believes that is a mistake. Now, the reader will apply the lotion. Pic from somethingawful via flamke.