The Cannon

The Cannon -- the ride of a lifetime!

The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if factually accurate:

Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly!

Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequinâ„¢ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound.

Don’t worry about paying, because you’ll be airborn before we can even ask for your money.

It’s the most fun you’ll ever have. IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!

Alltop is funny, if a tad aggregated. Brilliant artwork by Odegaard, and check out the full-sized pic here | Originally published in December, 2007.

Let your imagination really soar with one of these books for your ereader!


I want my mummy

I want my mummyDr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he’d yet to master even the most basic principles.

First of all, he just wasn’t into all that yucky stuff with the internal organs and putting them in jars. Coptic or not.

Secondly, he found the mixture of soda ash, bicarbonate and household salt he was meant to bath his mummies in just unpleasant. “Natron my ass,” he’d mutter.

Thirdly, most of his volunteers did not want to have a red-hot poker shoved up their nose so he could remove their brains. (Though he was keen to try.)

He did enjoy the wrapping process though.

Alltop is more into lycanthropes. Photo by Marcel Van Der Flug via Strange Ink. Originally published, Setpember 2009.

Toulouse Le Grandfig's Summer Vacation: Voyage's End

Angry menFebruary 29, 1933, Capipi Bumonsis

I sense the voyage is about to come to an end. The customs agents here are strange men. Their beards are not mellow, but wild and full of strife.

Oh, for a helping of soup!

But there is no rest. The man with the cane spots my imagined tail, and I am nicked. The police are angry.

They make me play whist.

About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Unfortunately, he was beyond the reach of traditional foot architecture.

For most of his life, the artist was perpendicular, occasionally ingested the bodily fluids of other mammals, and seldom baked.

Marvellous Hairy is cooked and ready for your delectation. You should go there and get a copy. We will send you muffins to say thank you. Speaking of muffins… Originally published July 2008.

Toulouse Le Grandfig's Summer Vacation: Freeze the Brass…

Bugler's Mouth strikes the ship!April 12, Jungian Analysis

Swollen cheeks and brass protuberances strike the crew of the Good Ship Plotkin. It is the worst outbreak of Bugler’s Mouth I’ve seen since the Great War. One by one, the crew is afflicted, and I am left alone to man the ship with “Ahoy Gregor you great walloping pederast.” Alas, my monkey burns…

Next Time: Angry Beards

About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he played with an incomplete deck of cards.

Insert obvious dice-short-a-few-spots joke here. Then insert your purchase chip and buy Marvellous Hairy here. Don’t mention “insertion” while you’re here. Originally published July 2008.