6 excellent reasons not to have an opinion outside the "designated speech area"

John Baird - Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Biting the Legs of ProtestersAs you may know, the authorities in Canada have set up special places where citizens may demonstrate, protest, rant, and stand on crates and do some lunatic speechifying.

Finally, Canada embraces the notion of free speech.

Now, it’s limited to a mosquito-infested field in the Muskokas, and a roped off area to the north of Queen’s Park in Toronto (behind the portapotties, underneath the low branches of the maple trees).

But what if you decide to have an opinion outside of these “designated speech areas”? (I notice that they didn’t even call them “free speech areas”, probably because we didn’t want to seem to liberal and free-wheeling to the other G20 nations. Good call.)

Many bad things can happen to you, as outlined in Bill C-1984, following your pepper-spraying, beating and subsequent arrest:

  1. an excruciating purple nurple-ing from Vic Toews
  2. you will be forced to watch Bev Oda pack for her next junket
  3. Jim Prentice will demand that you pull his finger
  4. have you heard the Good News? Stockwell Day has 10 hours free to tell you all about it.
  5. John Baird will chew off your leg
  6. a long and “frank conversation” about “accountability” with Stephen Harper.
Seriously, I’m not making any of this up. It’s right there in the legislation. (And to be fair, it was the Liberal Party who were in control when the bill was passed.) More details about the designated speech areas and the G-meetings here. Alltop is very afraid of anything designated as an “area”.