I want my mummy

I want my mummyDr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he’d yet to master even the most basic principles.

First of all, he just wasn’t into all that yucky stuff with the internal organs and putting them in jars. Coptic or not.

Secondly, he found the mixture of soda ash, bicarbonate and household salt he was meant to bath his mummies in just unpleasant. “Natron my ass,” he’d mutter.

Thirdly, most of his volunteers did not want to have a red-hot poker shoved up their nose so he could remove their brains. (Though he was keen to try.)

He did enjoy the wrapping process though.

Alltop is more into lycanthropes. Photo by Marcel Van Der Flug via Strange Ink. Originally published, Setpember 2009.

A moment of gritty reflection

Delores thinks about her lifeDelores always liked to take a few moments between shows and get a little alone time. Of late the circus had been touring in the Southwest and they’d seen lots of desert. Delores liked the desert. It reminded her of home, where she got her show-name from, Sahara Sally, which to tell you the truth she preferred to her given name, which rhymed with a female body part, and which the other kids at Sahara Hills High had teased her about relentlessly.

Of course THAT had been preferable to what she now heard thousands of times daily from the barker: “Check out Sahara Sally. Check her out. Ask to see her camel toe!

Alltop is just a geek. Photo via Foxtongue. “Delores” joke from Seinfeld, Episode 20, Season 4. Originally published in September, 2009.

Marshmallow sundae

ladies wrestling a dragon

Up until that infamous afternoon, none of the members of the Stentnor Strand Ladies’ Dragon Wrestling Society had ever seen a dragon, let alone had chance to wrestle one. Their society’s name had always been . . . well, let’s just say socially metaphoric.

That was all about to change when Bob landed on the beach, looking for a nice place to catch a few rays, and if all went well, eat a virgin. Alas, the ladies of the SSLDWS were all too morally intemperate for Bob to get anything but indigestion.

Alltop enjoys wrestling… Photo via Twisted Vintage.