Archive | But is it art?

Career Day for Jim

figurehead -- wooden mermaid

School was lame. Adults were lame. Life, itself, was a series of lame events. None more so than Career Day.

These were the thoughts of Jim as he walked into the gymnasium for the Beaverbrook High career day. At least he didn’t have to sit through the tedium and ennui of Mr. Leekie’s calculus class, or the thinly-veiled bipolar disorder of Ms. Bentz, his English Composition teacher.

Jim suppressed the memories of Ms. Bentz’s painfully lame, manic, dark poetry, and checked out this year’s Cavalcade of Losers. These were the employers, the good corporate “citizens” of his home town with suggestions on how its young adults could plan for an exciting life serving hamburgers.

At least he wasn’t in class.

He had to admit, the selection was good this year, if pointless. There were some lawyers, some engineers from the city, and a large crowd of kids was milling around the booth hosted by a company in town that made web games. As if, Jim thought.

He sighed. This was his last year in high school and he still didn’t know what he wanted to do. His marks were good enough for university, but he knew his family couldn’t afford it — and the thought of taking all that debt was just too much. His family was on the verge of losing their house. He wasn’t supposed to know that, but he did. It was hyper-lame.

Then he heard a voice behind him: “Arrr Jim, have ye’ considered a life at sea?”

Feeling the ennui? Pirate a smile with this funny fiction.

Books of Mark A. Rayner

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Alltop be fond of Talk Like a Pirate Day. Have a good one, ye’ bilge rats.Figurehead by Scottnj. Originally appeared in Pirate Therapy and Other Cures, 2012.

Rejected Halloween-Themed Cereals

hobo flakes cerealAfter the success of Count Chocula, Boo-berry and Frankenberry, cereal executives everywhere were on the look out for new Halloween-themed cereals. Alas, these never made it to market, though the last entry did make it to the packaging design phase. (This happens BEFORE taste testing, I should note.)

10. Candy Corn Pops
9. Werewolf Balls
8. Creepy Clown Crunch
7. Slutty Nurse Puffs
6. Green Gooey Grahams
5. Fruity Mime Berets
4. Black Cat Smacks
3. Crunchy Pirate Hooks
2. Pumpkin Bran
1. Sugar-Coated Hobo Flakes

Originally appeared as one of  Corey Redekop’s 31 Lists of Horror.

Fabulous artwork by Neil Darbyshire (fellow member of the Legion of Doom), and inventor of the AdventureBand, which you can support in a Kickstarter.

 

The void loves you

The caption is perfect if you imagine it being narrated by Werner Herzog.

comic about fiction

Herzog continues to read: “The orange sky, like the creeping shadows that threaten to engulf our fictional protagonists, is a visual clue that this never happened beyond the void of imagination.”

If this cause a full-on existential crisis, watch Herzog talk about a deranged penguin (best started at 49 seconds in):

Alltop doesn’t find certain death funny at all.