Ignatius was working. That was the first rule for writers. It wasn’t about the tools, his teachers had said, back in school. It was about discipline. Work.
A writer must write, even if, as Thomas Mann said: “A writer is someone for whom writing is harder than for other people.”
Of course, he might find a pen somewhat less of a challenge than the over-sized novelty pencil. And he’d heard great things about something called a word processor. Maybe regular-sized paper?
No! he thought. It’s not about the tools.
Another tiny sheet of paper ripped apart, unable to withstand Ignatius’s impatience and the giant pencil. He sighed, and started his to do list again.
Alltop does not know this “pencil” Ingatius speaks of. Photo by Natalie Down.
Pretty sure you don’t want to use a loaded pistol as a starter gun…
Alltop is always loaded.
Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were going all the way. Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole fuckin’ program.
And me? I was off the boat the same time as Kurtz. Sure, I’d been obeying orders, but my mind was gone. I was in fields of green and clover. With milkmaids.
Oh man, those bullshit milkmaids…
But I had a job to do, and there would be no welcome, supple fingers pulling on my teats when we got to the end of the river. Only charcoal briquettes.
The barbecue … the barbecue.
Alltop is the catastrophic cattle baron of humor. Originally published on Name Your Tale, 2009.
A screensaver for the ages
This quote always makes me feel better when time is slipping by on a project that’s due soon.
Alltop is a humor project that’s due.