Category Archives: But is it art?

DOES John Woo hate helicopters?

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explosions and a helicopter

A longitudinal study of John Woo helicopter hate:

Film Helicopters Destroyed Helicopters Used Unsafely
Hard Target (1993) 0 1
Broken Arrow (1996) 4* too many to count
Face/Off (1997) 0 3
Mission Impossible 2 (2000) 0 2
Paycheck (2003) 0 1

*this movie holds the record for most helicopters destroyed, according to the website Rotary Action, but it is tied with Rambo III, according to Exploding Helicopter.

This little survey was disappointing, frankly. I really thought that John Woo HATED helicopters. But clearly, he got most of it out of his system in Broken Arrow. (In fact, he is a relative latecomer to the directorial sport of helicopter destruction, and he has a long way to catch up to Roland Emmerich . Don’t get me wrong — he’s definitely has some issues with helicopters — but perhaps there is another explanation.)

Maybe he got into some kind of 12-step helicopter hate program, based on this pattern. You know, he never really liked helicopters, and then he got into his serious hate phase, and then, over a course of many years of hard work with his sponsor, tailed off to his pre-addiction levels of helicopter misuse.

Alltop loves to rotate. Photo by PhotosbyDavid, NOT from a John Woo movie.

Man Watches The Hunt for Red October 168 Times, Decides It’s Not that Good

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The Hunt for Red OctoberLONDON, ONTARIO (The Skwib) — After a courageous 12 weeks, Terry Bakker has abandoned his New Year’s Resolution to watch The Hunt for Red October every time it comes on TV.

“I had no idea how often TBS, Spike and American Movie Classics play this God-damned movie,” an enraged Bakker told The Skwib.

“I hate quitting anything, but I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve had to watch it 168 times. That averages to more than twice a day. On Saturday I had to watch it five times. I didn’t get any fucking sleep! Do you have any idea it takes to watch a two-hour movie on TBS after midnight? Four-and-three-quarter hours!”

Bakker made the resolution at a New Year’s Eve party after doing six rounds of Jägermeister shots, and declaring to everyone gathered that The Hunt for Red October was a “freakin’ cinematic masterpiece.”

Party host and designated driver Patrick Whalen asked if Bakker would care to back that up with a New Year’s Resolution and an accompanying bet.

“I honestly didn’t think Terry was that drunk. Or that he’d do it,” Whalen said. “So, he’s definitely lost the bet. But I think watching the movie that much is punishment enough, so I’m not going to hold him to it.”

If he didn’t succeed in watching the 1990 film starring Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin, Bakker promised to shave his head with a cheese-grater and a pair of toenail clippers.

Based on a Tom Clancy novel, the story follows Jack Ryan (Baldwin) as he tries to help Captain Marko Ramius (Connery) defect with the Soviet Union’s newest ballistic missile submarine, the Red October, which has a silent propulsion system that uses caterpillars in some way.

“I’d much rather shave my head than listen to Sean Connery masticate another syllable. The scars will heal. I mean, he’s supposed to be Lithuanian, so what’s with the accent? I know he only has the one accent, but God! And what the fuck is going on with the rest of the Russian crew? Some of them sound like Mr. Chekov from Star Trek: ‘Captain, we are on a nucwear wessel,’ and some of them sound like winners of the British Upper Class Twit of the Year Contest. And don’t get me started on Connery’s eyebrows. Those things just freak me out.”

The makers of the infamous digestif, Mast-Jägermeister AG, declined to comment.

Alltop loves a good mastication. IMDB entry on The Hunt for Red October | These people are suspected of multiple jägerbombing atrocities. Originally published in January 2008.