Archive | Hinky History

Selected Media Fads Through the Ages

Von Willendorf venus statue, circa 24,000 bce

24,000-22,000 BC: chunky fertility goddess statues (pictured at right: notice the prominent and large brains.)

10,000 BC: cave painting

4,000 BC: ziggurat construction

3,000-1,250 BC: pyramid raising (later revived by Mesoamericans and I.M. Pei)

1480-1700: Witch burning

1500s: homoerotic sonnet writing

1600s: pirate singing

1700s: pamphleteering

1760-1762: spreading syphilis

1790s: opera

1800s: novel-writing

1900-1914: being optimistic about the future

1919-1922: cutting up pieces of paper and pulling them out of a hat, also, painting

1925: jazz music

1927: soap-based radio

1933: burning books (mostly in Germany)

1951: find-the-commie (kind of like peek-a-boo, but with Senators)

1964: screaming (usually Beatle-related)

1966: TV

1976: disco

1977: DIY pet rocks

1982-1988: taking odds on Reagan-related nuclear holocaust

1987-1997: making answering machine messages (see below)

1998: web sites about your cat

1999: cappuccino drinking (related to dot-com bubble)

2000: looking forward to the future (this didn’t last as long as the previous fad in this genre)

2003: Friendster

2004-2005: blogging

2006: MySpace

2007: Facebook

April 2008: Twitter

2009 (Jan.-Aug): talking/writing/broadcasting about Twitter in MSM.

2009, Sep. 15: Blogging (again, briefly, but only about Dan Brown’s latest “masterstroke of storytelling”

2010 (Jan.-Feb.):getting really excited about the release of the iPad.

2010 (Mar.): trying to remember what all the fuss about the iPad was all about.

2010: “winning

2011: pretending the British Royal family is important

2012: posting pictures of every frickin’ meal on Instagram

2013: twerking

2014: “binge-watching” TV

2015: laughing about Donald Trump’s presidential run

Jan-May, 2016: crying about Donald Trump’s presidential run

Some old-fashioned media here — satirical novels and flash fiction to keep you from the fads!

And yes, Answering machine messages were the most important creative outlet of the nineties!

YouTube Preview Image

Video here if it doesn’t beep.

Alltop and enjoys their Bebo. From my collection, Pirate Therapy and Other Cures. Originally published in 2010, and updated every once in a while.

Early Outbreaks of the Bozo Virus

clown driving carriage

Following the cataclysm of the Clown Apocalypse, researchers discovered there had been similar plagues throughout the ages. One of the worst outbreaks in history was the Great Buffoon Drive of ’47.

Many thought it started with an especially bad outbreak of the Laughing Flux – a terrible disease causing its victims to fart themselves to death. (Terrible, but hilarious.) Others are sure it was because of this clown: Josepheus the Jolly, aka JJ the Juggler, aka J-Bone the Frisky One with Night Terrors and Incredibly Inappropriate Footwear, aka Jilston Jugular Slitbank the Merciless Flensing Harbinger of Forever Not Sleeping.

He ate a lot of people on his way over the continental divide.

But more of them he just nibbled on, spreading a ur-bozo virus that was not as virulent as the one humanity barely survived in the 21st century.

Whatever the confluence of events, thousands of clowns made their way west in 1847, and so, the great state of California was born.

Alltop is feeling a mild case of the giggles.

Now hitch your wagon to some long-form satirical fiction:

An explosion of taste

photo details by Foxtongue

The pastry chef, Seaman First Class Henry Bunders, had been given specific orders: “Make a cake that is like a nuclear explosion.”

He’d been able to recreate the effect of the mushroom cloud using some stiff cardboard, fondant, and liberal use of whipped cream, applied just before the cake was to be cut by the Admiral, his wife, and some visiting brass from Washington.

Getting hold of some plutonium that he could bake into the base had been a bit more challenging. Not as challenging as applying whipped cream with lead-lined gloves, but still, nobody could argue with the results: at ground zero (the head table), casualties were almost 100%!

Now blow your mind with some long-form satirical fiction:

Alltop is explosively funny.  22, a photo by Foxtongue on Flickr. Originally published June, 2012.