Archive | Toulouse Le Grandfig

Pozo and Mr. Savage

Pozo and Mr. Savage, waiting for a train with Ivanka

They lived on the margins of society as a travelling entertainment act. A classic clown-and-baboon show, in the old Czech style.

They had terrorized a generation of Eastern European children.

Pozo the Clown (once known to his family and a series of bemused teachers, as Jirka Zdenec) found his lifelong companion and colleague at the German customs house, in Dresden. (Some years before it was firebombed.) It turned out that the young baboon, of the Red-Assed Dorling family, had been abandoned by a teenage Canadian singing sensation just weeks before. Pozo fell in love with the manic little primate immediately, and agreed to adopt him, and to pay for all the medical bills of the customs agents who had been caring for him.

Their career became the stuff of legend. Their stock-in-trade was children’s parties, but they’d also perform at conventions, trade shows, and if they were unable to book a gig when they rolled into town, they’d do a little bit of busking too. Mr. Savage was an accomplished pick-pocket, so when they ran into hard times – as they often did – they could still pay for Pozo’s heroin habit and Mr. Savage’s expensive tastes in raw flesh. (He preferred macaque heart whenever he could get it.)

Most days, they were just one step ahead of the law.

Today was no different, though they found themselves at a train station, practically deserted between the morning rush hours and the 13:04 express from Praha to Brno.

The train that Ivanka had fallen asleep waiting for – a nap that one day, she would tell her therapist, changed her life.

The End

Change your life with some satirical fiction …

Alltop doesn’t have coulrophobia, but monkeys do freak it out a bit. Amazing photo Daughter of the Circus by Michael Garlington. Get his book here.

Time Travel Sucks

Nothing worse than the hose

When you asked him, Bertie had trouble telling you what he most disliked about time travel.

Obviously, having to arrive in each new era stark naked was not the most pleasant experience. It usually meant having at least a few embarrassing moments (though it could occasionally have its upsides, such as the time he dimensionally slipped into that alternate reality where women had the same psychosexual visual response to nudity the way that men did in his reality . . .)

He was bothered that he could not change history, obviously.

He’d taken Causality 101 in college, and was fully conversant with the Heisenberg-Lurie equations relating to the Novikov self-consistency principle. Even so, he’d tested this idea by trying to kill Hitler. (Every first-year time traveler tries to kill Hitler at least a couple of times.) Yes, not being able to alter history was bad.

Then there was the HOSE.

Alltop considers itself a hoser. Thanks to Whatsthatpicture for the historical snap. Originally published in 2007.

E-nnui

Robot and sky

Toto the Bio-Sphere Demolition-Bot wondered what it was all about. Did life really mean anything? There had to be more to existence then the senseless destruction of countless inhabited worlds.

Maybe it was time for Toto to settle down. Find a nice Species Eradication-Borg and construct a family of Cybertronic Death-Bots equipped with plasma field generators.

Or maybe he should write a novel.

Maybe you should READ a novel? Got a few from which to choose!

Alltop is also feeling a little blue. Originally published December, 2008.

Red Juggernaut, circa 1906

mad scientist with robotDoctor Hans Christian “Liver-and-Favva-Beans” Malifico standing next to the prototype of his first business mechanical, the famous Red Juggernaut, Mark I (with claw and hook attachment).

Though it would be several years before he founded Juggernaut Business Mechanicals (JBM), and at least another decade before the technology was available for his “chainsaw and boom stick attachments”, Dr. Malifico had already changed the world. The Mark I was perfectly capable of terrorizing the two dozen cheese-making Flems at the Annual Limburg Stench-Fest, thus giving the hated French — his client — the chance to win the Palm de Pong with their inferior, though admittedly eye-watering Roquefort.

In the 1960s, the Red Juggernaut (Mark XX) became JBM’s best-selling business mechanical. Though primarily used to terrorize non-compliant nation-states, evil overlords have found many other uses for the Red Juggernaut.

Modern business collections agencies have found it especially effective, and it is a standard piece of equipment in hostile takeover bids.

Put a bid in on some of my surprisingly robot-friendly long fiction!

Alltop also has world-takeover plans. Thanks to Foxtongue for finding this Belgariffic photo. Originally posted March 2009.