Archive | Toulouse Le Grandfig

Twenty-Eight Tequilas Later

13 tequilas later

The party got out of hand roughly the same time Professor Lunchbender decided to create the “ultimate” robot.

Of course, you had to admire any affaire that required the services of the National Guard, even if they were unsuccessful and preventing an uncomfortably phallic technological singularity.

Bob (pictured in front) had at least died happy man.

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The Fridgularity My latest novel features a self-aware refridgerator, which is only slightly less terrifying. Get the paperback of The Fridgularity for $3 off, if you buy it direct from Monkeyjoy Press. Use coupon code: YGMVFZZY. Available in all formats in all the usual places online :

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Alltop believes teledilldonics is myth. Originally published March, 2010.

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Little Cindi Cyborg

cyborg doll

The Little Cindi Cyborg Doll

The best part about the Little Cindi Cyborg doll was that it was a great way to teach kids responsibility.

Not only was each Little Cindi Cyborg semi-sentient, she was outfitted with a hyper-plasma retainer and an ocular implant that allowed her to see into the infrared and ultraviolet spectra — this was especially helpful when playing “hide-and-seek” with the gigantic and ravenous CEOs that roam most planets of the Liquid Fermentation Galaxy.

On the down side, if the child didn’t feed her enough nutrient compound, then the Little Cindi Cyborg doll would become sluggish and whiny — right before she exploded in a hail of platinum implants and gobbets of Clonerrific(TM) flesh.

But once the lesson had been learned, children were ready for a puppy.

Alltop can’t keep a goldfish alive. Originally published in 2007. Genius photo by Bistrosavage

Sex with Sue

Jeremy Cthulu

“Hi there Jeremy, you’re on the air.”

“Hi Sue. Long-time listener, first-time caller. I’m a big fan.”

“Thanks Jeremy, what did you want to talk about?”

“What if she’s not into your face?”

“In what way? Kissing?”

“No, like sitting on it in a way that she delivers up her everlasting soul to the Old One.”

“Jeremy, you’re making me hot just talking about it, so I suggest that you do the same with your girlfriend.”

“I will, Sue. Wait for my visit.”

[sound of static, embedded within it: the wail of a nameless dread]

Alltop finds nameless dread relaxing. 022 Cthulu, originally uploaded by dracorubio.