Archive | Toulouse Le Grandfig

Introducing the Venkman Brothers

two clowns on the beach, looking at the ocean

Herbetron and Merculia Venkman came from a proud line of Norwegian clowns, and were determined to climb to dizzying heights in America. They gazed at the ocean, their white chins pointed up with pride, their red noses threatening to fly off in the stiff Atlantic breeze.

Herbetron, in particular, had a vision. He could see a time when the world would laugh with them, not at them. Well, the world would still be laughing at them, they were clowns after all, but it would be laughs that THEY had crafted and guided. They would be laughs of dignity.

Then a piano fell on them.

Alltop once had an accordion land on its foot. Awesome clown photo via Twisted Vintage. Originally published October, 2010.

They say talent skips a generation

Vlastic Tesla, bulbheadVlastic Tesla was the illegitimate son of Nikola Tesla. Nikola invented the alternating current system, the induction motor, lightning rods, electro-mechanical oscillators, the Tesla coil, the Bifilar coil, robotics and the electronic logic gate, wireless technology, radio astronomy, the teleforce particle beam weapon, and known for his theoretical work in rotating magnetic fields, telegeodynamics, space data transmission systems, weather and climate modification and electrogravitics.

Vlastic turned himself into a light bulb. (Unfortunately, before he could reproduce.)

Alltop has spawned many a bairn. Originally published September, 2009.

Eventually, you’re going to need a robo-nun

Eucrecia is fitted for her new exoskeletonEucrecia was pretty exciting about her transformation into a Happy Ending Pleasure Bot, but the nice men at Zina-Works 3000 were having problems with the fittings.

It was delicate work. The cavity extruder was just barely powerful enough to fit Eucrecia into the chest exoskeleton and having carefully examined her lady bits, the scientists were unsure if the standard accouterments would work.

Sister Mary Hand Job was experienced at this kind of thing. Besides, she was an enthusiastic amateur cyborgier, and the nunnery was running low on fresh ovaries.

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Alltop is a tiny and polite human. Image shamelessly ripped off from Fengtastic, and I have no idea where they found it. Originally published April, 2008.

Dynastic Ambitions

Victorian couple -- gent in diving suitReginald Tweedsmuire had invented the tongue depressor, tongue scraper and uvula tickler (better known as the Roman Weight Management Apparatus), and he was said to be in line for a Knighthood for his Force 10 Mustache Wax (capable of keeping even the most impressive mustachios stiff and manly in high winds, and much-beloved by Prince Albert). As such, the family was actually quite wealthy, and able to afford the best finishing schools for their only daughter, Eucretia.

During her early years, Eucretia had demonstrated an aptitude for the visual arts, and was a celebrated painter, a somewhat scandalous occupation for a young woman in Victorian England. But her diction was perfect, her manners impeccable, and she was an expert doily appraiser, a much more respectable activity for genteel women of the time.

Sir Reginald, as he would soon be known, moved a lot of mustache wax and goose feathers. The Tweedsmuires, in other words, were rolling in it.

This is why Lord Dullsmather Braincringe had asked for Eucretia’s hand in marriage. For the money. Through a combination of poor investments, the economic climate, and inbreeding, the Braincringe family had fallen on hard times.

Sir Reginald (soon, anyway) was thrilled. In addition to his extensive uvular and mustache wax fortune, he had vast ambitions, and a noble marriage would help elevate the Tweedsmuire name above mere industrial middling class. Someday, he might have a grandson ensconced on his flabby ass in the House of Lords.

That is, if Eucretia could ever entice Braincringe to take off the Browning Suit long enough for congress to occur.

Apparently, Alltop cannot be enticed to put The Skwib higher on its feed. Strangely compelling image via Twisted Vintage. Originally published in January, 2011.