[sound of engine being gunned, squeal of tires ... then the screams]
Alltop also has opposable thumbs. Photo via Twisted Vintage.< Originally published May, 2010./h6>
I still think back to those days in Japan, when I studied zazen under the guidance of Rōshi Miaki. I had been looking for something in my life, and when I stumbled upon the group of monks, quietly sitting, I knew I had found my place. Eventually, I had to acknowledge that he was not the teacher for me. His koans were too difficult to understand, and I couldn’t overcome my resentment of the way he kept throwing his feces at me. Not to mention the lice.
All the cybernetic units in the Voltrag Collective understood that breakfast was the most important meal of the day for humans, especially for their developing offspring. Without breakfast, human spawn could run into all kind of behavioral and biological issues, including less-developed brains.
And so, the Collective began an intensive program of building the Voltrex Breakfast Bots. They were issued to all humans.
Within a generation, the Collective was pleased to discover their program had worked! The quality and adaptability of human brains had improved markedly, thus ensuring the future of the Voltrag cyborg program.
And the human race, in a manner of speaking.
All of the critics agreed. Hans Feckenbruke’s performance piece, “Transcending Irony: post-post-modern capitalism in the Western World, from the top of the Chrysler Building, as seen from the perspective of consumers on the ground,” was a spectacular — if messy — achievement.
“I’ve never seen an artist commit so completely to his work before. He didn’t even flinch as he approached the pavement,” Filmore Snoot told this photographer.
“It’s a shame he wore those tennis shoes, though. It undercut the whole commentary.”