From the Book of Coiffureum
And unto the Faithful, a terrible abomination will stalk the land, and there will be a great wailing.
Unto the bros there will be a hunger & impatience. Verily, their own hair will not suffice, nor will they wait for it to grow into Fullness, and they shall take the hair of the apes, and the donkeys, and many Unclean beasts. They will gather the hair, and curl it into the shape of leavened bread, and anoint their heads with these aesthetic Excrescences.
And the Blessed Hairdressers will weep with shame, that their arts were not enough to sate the Hipsters.
Verily, the Clip-In Man Bun will corrupt the covenant of Levi. It will anger the Lord of hosts, and a great Plague of Goofiness will sweep the land.