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Ask General Kang: I have a hot date tonight — should I wear boxers or briefs?

Ask General KangThe General can tell you’re a guy. Only a human male would frame the question in such a crass way. What you’re asking, essentially, is how you should prepare yourself for having sexual congress with this hypothetical human female. In The General’s opinion this event seems to have a high degree of improbability.

The very fact that you’re asking an interstellar overlord who is, without stretching the facts, a superior being but nevertheless of a different species entirely tells The General something.

Sorry to interrupt, but are you speaking about yourself in the third person?

Yes, it makes The General sound more distant and authoritative. However, when it comes to human females, The General is not an authority. What The General does know is that human females value power and wealth. And if you live in North America, then they also like their men to have a sense of humor.

Therefore, I suggest gold-plated, kevlar briefs, with some kind of laser defense array — this will demonstrate both your power and financial wherewithal — perhaps you could get the goldsmith to engrave some kind of happy face or something comical on the outside, thus showing your lighter, humorous side.

Even better — in the seat have your engineers build-in a whoopee cushion. That’s funny.

Next time: My screenwriting prof says it’s important to line up talent before you pitch a movie. Would you be willing to act as a technical consultant on my epic scifi opera, SpaceMonkeys!

Alltop has a platinum thong. Originally published October, 2007.


  1. From now on I’m taking all my love advice from the General!

  2. Sayra Sayra

    I know for sure, that not only in North America do women appreciate humour!

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